


Side Effects

by King Baka (kingbaka22)



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hentai, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-18 22:50:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 50,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10626780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingbaka22/pseuds/King%20Baka
Summary: *COMPLETE* Inuyasha finally gets what he’s always wanted, with no apparent side effects.  To say he lets it go to his head would be an understatement.





	1. Desires of the Past

**Author's Note:**

> A/N – this story takes place sometime in the later part of the manga, after Kagome saves Kikyou from Naraku’s miasma but before Kikyou’s final demise. 
> 
> The story is currently finished. I plan to post a chapter every one or two days until it is fully uploaded. I just need to give each chapter one or two final proofreads. Posting it in installments will ensure that I don’t slack off in completing this (somewhat tedious) process!

Desires of the Past

 

 

“What the hell is that thing?” 

 

“It appears to be a rodent of some kind.” 

 

“No shit, bouzu.  Any idiot could figure that one out.” 

 

“If you are so knowledgeable, Inuyasha, then perhaps you would care to enlighten us as to exactly what it is?”  

 

“Keh.” 

 

“I’ve seen or heard stories about most of the youkai native to this land, but this is new to me.” 

 

“So you think this creature came to Japan from somewhere else, Sango?” 

 

“Yes, possibly from the mainland.” 

 

“Who cares?  Let’s just kill it.” 

 

“Is that your answer to everything, Inuyasha?  We aren’t even sure that this is the creature which has been troubling the village.” 

 

“I don’t give a shit!  We already waste enough time stopping and helping every fucking village with their problems.” 

 

“It’s not a waste, Inuyasha.  They said the creature has been growing bolder lately, even sneaking in and taking the village dogs at night.  A small child is only one step up from a dog.” 

 

“So let’s just kill this damn thing and be done with it!” 

 

“We can’t just assume—”

 

“It kind of looks like a hamster.” 

 

All eyes turned to regard Kagome quizzically.  The schoolgirl turned miko had not participated in their conversation thus far, engrossed as she was with wracking her brain to figure out why the creature looked so familiar.  It was definitely a rodent, though standing at over two meters tall at the shoulder, it was by far the biggest rodent any of them had ever seen.  It had a rather lithe build, with short brown fur and a darker stripe running down the center of its back.  It had a whitish belly, and was tipped at one end with a pinkish nose covered in long whiskers, and at the other with a short tail.  Its eyes were enormous and black as night, unsettling in their emptiness.  Overall, it looked almost exactly like Mr. Mao, the Chinese hamster her class had kept one year in elementary school.  Except of course, for being much, _much_ bigger. 

 

“What the hell is a hamster?” 

 

They all shushed Inuyasha, not wanting the increasingly exasperated hanyou to accidentally give them away.  Fortunately the creature continued to forage in the field as they watched from the tree line.  Either it hadn’t noticed them, or they weren’t close enough for it to consider them a threat. 

 

“A hamster is a rodent.  This kind comes from the mainland.  In my time, people keep them as pets.” 

 

“People keep _that_ thing as a pet?!” 

 

“Well, usually they’re much smaller.  You can hold them in the palm of your hand.” 

 

“So why is that one so damn big?”

 

“There are many ways for a normal animal to become a youkai,” Sango interjected.  “What do ‘hamsters’ usually eat, Kagome-chan?” 

 

“They’re omnivores.”

 

“Omni-what?”

 

“Omni _vores_ , Inuyasha.  They eat plant material and meat, mostly insects.” 

 

“Keh.  That thing ain’t eating any insects.” 

 

“It might eat a dog though,” Miroku observed.  “This could be what’s been troubling the village.”

 

“It could,” Sango agreed.  “But we still need to make sure.” 

 

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to retort, but immediately snapped his jaw closed and turned his attention to the northeast. 

 

“It feels like an oni,” Miroku declared, his spiritual senses confirming what Inuyasha’s nose had already detected.  Apparently the giant hamster sensed the approaching monster as well, but instead of fleeing for its furry hide, it surprised everyone by scurrying _toward_ the danger. 

 

“Quick, after it!” 

 

Inuyasha knelt so Kagome could climb onto his back, and Kirara transformed in a blaze of fire.  At this the hamster paused briefly and glanced in their direction, but then continued on its previous course.  The Inu-tachi set off in pursuit, catching up just in time to watch the dumb animal trot right up to the much larger oni.  It stared blankly up at the predator as the giant’s clawed hand reached for it. 

 

“Inuyasha!”  

 

“Idiot!” the hanyou growled.  No one could be sure whether he was talking about the suicidal hamster or the miko on his back who so desperately wanted to rescue it.  _Probably because she thinks it’s ‘cute,’_ he reflected with an inward roll of his eyes.  It didn’t matter as far as he was concerned; either of these creatures could be the one troubling the village, so he fully intended to slaughter both of them.  If the hamster was dead before he got there, then so be it. 

 

The little rodent, however, surprised everyone.  Instead of allowing itself to be picked up, it hunched its hindquarters and leapt the seemingly insurmountable distance to the oni’s neck, where it clamped down hard with its teeth.  The oni roared in pain, and reached for its attacker with its hand.  But the great muscular arm slowed and finally froze in mid-air.  To the astonishment of all onlookers, the flesh began to wither before their eyes, eventually leaving little more than bone covered by a thin, wrinkled layer of skin.  As more and more of the oni shriveled away, the hamster glowed brighter and brighter with a sinister demonic aura. 

 

“It’s sucking out all of the oni’s youki,” Miroku stated in amazement, even as the oni’s great eyes dimmed, and what remained of its once mighty body collapsed backward to the earth.  Finally the hamster released its hold on its victim’s neck, only to seek out one of the few spots on the body where actual flesh remained and tear into it with gusto.  The members of the Inu-tachi experienced varying degrees of nausea at the sight of the rodent devouring the emaciated corpse, but they quickly snapped out of their collective stupor. 

 

“So it eats flesh as well as youki,” Sango observed forebodingly.  Everyone knew what that meant; the villagers were all in danger with this thing on the loose. 

 

“Indeed.  Though it appears that some of the youki is being stored in its cheek pouches at the moment.” 

 

“Are you sure this thing doesn’t have any jewel shards, Kagome?”

 

The miko focused for a moment.  “No, it doesn’t.” 

 

Inuyasha nodded in acceptance.  “All right, you lot stay back.  I’ll handle this.” 

 

If anyone asked, he would probably say that he wanted to act alone because the last few days had been fairly uneventful and he was itching for a good fight.  While that might be true, he also didn’t want his friends rushing into battle against an enemy whose capabilities were unknown.  He was tough enough to survive a mistake, but the humans might not be.  His instincts were also warning him not to take this creature lightly, despite its relatively unimposing appearance. 

 

The hamster didn’t acknowledge his existence until he skidded to a halt a half dozen meters from it, drawing Tetsusaiga with a flourish.  That got the rodent’s attention.  In an instant it switched from eating to aggression, as only creatures with limited intelligence can, and charged Inuyasha so quickly that the hanyou was caught somewhat off guard.  He dodged the gaping jaws once, then swung his sword as the creature lunged for him again.  To his surprise and horror, the hamster caught the blade in its mouth, its fur glowing with youki as it stopped the forward momentum of the blade and bit down firmly.  Tetsusaiga howled as the hamster began to suck in its youki. 

 

“Oh no you don’t, bastard!” Inuyasha cried, leaping into the air and raising his free left hand in preparation for a strike designed to slice this rodent to pieces before it could drain his precious sword.  The hamster saw it coming, releasing Tetsusaiga and swiftly backpedaling a few steps.  Inuyasha’s analysis of this move as a retreat, however, was promptly contradicted when the hamster opened its mouth and a ball of concentrated youki formed between its jaws.  At that range, he could only duck behind Tetsusaiga and pray the sword held together. 

 

It did, though the shock of the impact launched him backward many meters.  He landed on his feet, immediately checking Tetsusaiga for damage.  It sported a few fresh marks, but fortunately no cracks.  He didn’t know if that would hold true if he let the hamster bite it again, and he didn’t intend to find out.  The rodent was charging, but wouldn’t be on him until it was too late.  To Inuyasha’s dismay, however, the Kaze no Kizu was not as effective as he would have liked.  There was an explosion of youki in front of the creature, dissipating Tetsusaiga’s attack enough so that it only received a glancing blow.  It could also apparently project youki from its hide as a makeshift shield, and as a result managed to escape with just a few patches of singed fur.  The reduced potency of the Kaze no Kizu due to Tetsusaiga losing some of its youki undoubted played a factor as well. 

 

“Dammit,” Inuyasha swore, though the situation was not as dire as it appeared.  Yes, the creature had managed to steal some of Tetsusaiga’s youki, but its own reserves of youki appeared to be nearing exhaustion.  _I get it now.  This overgrown rat doesn’t have much youki of its own, so it steals the youki of others and uses it to defend itself._ How the creature was able to concentrate and wield foreign youki was a mystery, but it didn’t really matter.  This would be over in one or two more melees, and then Tetsusaiga would reclaim what it had lost and be back to full strength. 

 

The hamster paced back and forth nervously, seemingly unsure of itself.  Inuyasha was about to charge in when he felt the telltale flare of Kagome’s spiritual aura, indicating that she was drawing an arrow.  He glanced over his shoulder to find all of his friends far too close for his liking, Kagome standing with an arrow ready and the others hovering nearby on Kirara.  No doubt they had moved to support him when it appeared that he was in trouble, so he couldn’t really blame them.  The problem was that the hamster obviously noticed them as well.  And when it opened his mouth, Inuyasha realized what was about to happen and sprinted toward Kagome without any hesitation. 

 

It was a close call, but he was able to spirit her out of the way of the barrage of youki.  She fired an arrow, but he didn’t see whether it struck her target.  By the time he set Kagome down well away from the battlefield, the hamster was gone. 

 

“Are you okay, Inuyasha?”

 

“Keh!  I’m fine.  Now stay with the others!” 

 

He returned to the battlefield, his nose carrying him to the spot where Kagome’s arrow and the hamster had briefly met.  The smell of scorched fur was thick here, as well as the more pungent aroma of fresh blood.  The arrow had clearly landed a glancing blow, which at the very least would make the creature easier to track.  He could both see and smell the trail of blood droplets leading into the nearby forest.  And since it probably didn’t have any more youki with which to defend itself, tracking and killing the hamster should be no more of a challenge than hunting wild boar. 

 

He set off at a dead sprint, able to follow the trail easily due to the smell of blood in the air.  He would have to compliment Kagome on her shot…or more likely, remember not to criticize her for ‘only’ landing a glancing blow.  Yeah, that was better.  If the wench wanted a compliment, then she shouldn’t have put herself in danger in the first place.  And if that didn’t make logical sense, then screw the whole thing. 

 

Soon enough his ears picked up the sounds of a large creature crashing through the underbrush up ahead.  Inuyasha smirked, knowing he would come upon his quarry soon.  Then the sounds abruptly ceased. 

 

“What the—”

 

He soon discovered the reason for the silence; the hamster had retreated to its burrow and fled underground.  Cursing, he plunged after it, slowing his pace as the light from the outside world faded away.  Eventually he found himself in near pitch blackness, and had to rely on his other senses to find his way, at least until he noticed an unnatural glow shining up ahead.  The main passage seemed to continue on, but the glow came from a side tunnel which appeared to branch off at a right angle.  Instead of charging recklessly around the bend, he listened to his instincts and slowed to a stop, tentatively sticking only his head into the opening. 

 

That was a very wise decision, as it turned out.  Even so, the small but compact ball of youki singed a few hairs as he ducked back out of its path.  He held his breath as the ball’s impact with the tunnel wall caused the ground to shake all around him.  Evidently the tunnels were sturdily dug, for they showed no sign of damage except for a few bits of dirt falling on his head.  But he didn’t want to tempt fate by getting into a battle of youkai energy with this thing.  The hamster could probably dig itself out if it was buried alive, but in the worst case he might actually asphyxiate from lack of oxygen. 

 

His brief glimpse into the creature’s lair had at least given him an idea of what he was up against.  The unnatural glow emanated from a massive sphere of youki, swirling in breathtaking torrents of blue and white, the beauty of raw power constrained against its will.  In his youth, he had gone through a phase of curiosity about the world around him.  He had followed and observed various creatures, learning about their behaviors and how they interacted with the rest of nature.  Hey, when you’re a bored, lonely kid you have find something to keep yourself occupied.  So he knew that some rodents liked to cache their food, storing it in larders for leaner times.  Usually it was done with acorns and seeds though.  This was something else entirely.  Rather than sustenance, this cache was meant for defense.  How this seemingly primitive creature managed to constrain so much youki, he had no idea.  But he had to find a way to kill it, preferably without getting himself buried alive. 

 

With no other ideas, Inuyasha stepped out into the opening, then immediately dove to the ground, wincing as the next ball of youki flashed overhead, too close for comfort.  He dug his claws into the earth, throwing himself forward and upward, catching himself on his feet and sprinting the short distance to his target before the hamster could fire again.  The vermin was agile, Inuyasha would give it that.  But these were close quarters, too small for him to wield Tetsusaiga effectively, but also too small for the larger-bodied hamster to outmaneuver a quicker opponent.  Its projected youki kept repulsing his claws just enough to keep its hide intact, but that wouldn’t last long, and they both knew it.  In desperation it finally charged at him, jaws agape.  Inuyasha neatly sidestepped the attack and sliced deeply into the creature’s side with intent to disembowel.  Instead of entrails, however, what emerged was a small flare of residual youki, just enough to throw the hanyou off balance.  He had to leap blindly out of the way to avoid the creature’s counterattack, and by the time he realized what his likely landing spot was going to be, it was far too late to do anything about it.  His eyes went wide, reflecting the breathtaking swirls of blue and white as the massive vortex loomed ever closer. 

 

Inuyasha’s body burst into flame.  He honestly couldn’t tell if that statement was literal or figurative, or if he was screaming, though his throat burned and his lungs rapidly emptied.  Once all the air had left him, he found himself unable to draw breath again.  Perhaps that was a mercy.  His half-brother’s poisonous hand through his chest felt like a loving caress compared to this.  His entire body burned, the pain tearing him down piece by bloody piece.  He ceased to become the hanyou Inuyasha, as he slowly disintegrated into something else entirely.  And yet, when he was reduced to nothing more than a throbbing man-shaped mass of flesh awaiting its inevitable end, the pain built him back up again, reconstructing him.  Pieces fell back into place, some exactly as they were before, others in a new alignment, as a dynamic undercurrent of power surged through his entire being.  When the roaring tempest abated at last, he found himself lying on the ground staring up at the dirt ceiling overhead.  The same as he ever was, and yet, not the same. 

 

He gingerly rose to his feet, half-expecting his body to fall to pieces as he moved.  But for all the suffering that damn sphere of youki had caused him, he had apparently managed to survive it unscathed.  He was glad to be alive.  The sphere was gone, as was the hamster, though the latter had left behind some unintentional calling cards: a puddle of urine, and the stench of fear hanging heavily in the air.  He felt his lips pull back in a vicious smirk. 

 

As he pursued his prey, it occurred to Inuyasha in passing that he shouldn’t be able to see this well in the nearly pitch black tunnel, now that the glow of the vortex had vanished.  But he ignored this odd phenomenon, focusing instead on the grisly task at hand, his claws flexing involuntarily in anticipation of the slaughter to come.  His feet pounded into the dirt, propelling him forward at a blinding velocity, perhaps faster than he had ever run before.  The hamster made it out of the burrow before he caught up with it, but not much farther.  He thought about taking his time with the vermin, but the idea weighed on his conscience so he killed it quickly instead.  Afterward he raised his hand and stared at the blood-soaked appendage for a few moments, fascinated by the gore.  And this was odd—had his claws always been this long?  Shrugging, he decided that he was seeing things, and chalked it up to lingering exhilaration over the life and death struggle of which he’d just partaken.  As for the blood, he would worry about cleaning it off after he linked up with his friends. 

 

They were not difficult to find; they hadn’t waited out in the field like he’d instructed, but were instead making their way cautiously through the forest.  Again he couldn’t really blame them, since he had been gone for a while and they had probably felt the explosion of youki.  It was strange to hear them readying for battle as he approached, however, since they usually recognized his aura. 

 

“Relax, it’s just me!” he called, moments before emerging from the trees.  Instead of greetings and expressions of gladness at his good health, as he’d expected, he received only shocked gasps and wide-eyed stares. 

 

“What the hell is wrong with you guys?” he growled, a bit put out by their reactions.  What gives?  And was it his imagination, or did his voice sound different?  A little deeper, more guttural…more feral. 

 

Miroku was the first to find his voice.  “Inuyasha…what happened to you?” 

 

“What do you mean, what happened to me?  I killed the damn rodent, that’s what.” 

 

“What he means,” Sango interjected, “is that you look…different.” 

 

“Different how?”

 

“You, uh…” 

 

“Your face is…um…”

 

“P-Perhaps it would be better to show him.  Kagome-chan, do you still have that mirror in your bag?  Kagome-chan?” 

 

Sango’s query finally startled Kagome out of her stupor.  “Huh?  The mirror?  Oh…y-yeah, Sango-chan, I have it.” 

 

She went to retrieve the mirror from her bag, throwing Inuyasha a parting look that had him officially weirded out.  What the hell was going on?  Miroku and Sango seemed to be trying not to stare, an element of restraint that Shippou and Kirara did not possess.  He took a surreptitious sniff to sample their scents, and was surprised by how the olfactory information seemed slightly more vivid than usual.  The first thing he smelled was fear, but he soon realized that while fear had been their initial reaction, it was no longer the dominant one.  No, now they were gazing at him with varying degrees of concern and confusion.  Again, what the hell was going on here?  Finally Kagome found the small pocket mirror and hesitantly brought it over to him.  He all but snatched it out of her hands.  What he glimpsed in the reflective glass surpassed even his wildest imagination. 

 

He had transformed into a full-youkai.  Of course, it wasn’t that simple.  His fangs and claws were elongated, yes, but beyond the fact that he still possessed his own mind, there were physical differences from his prior transformations as well.  The purple markings which adorned his cheeks were no longer jagged, but were smooth, perfectly formed.  They seemed to exude regality even as they spoke of tremendous power, just as Sesshoumaru’s did.  His furry triangular ears, the most obvious mark of his mixed heritage, had migrated to the sides of his head as they did on his human nights, but instead of being rounded the lobes now gracefully tapered to a sharp point.  Again, the resemblance to his half-brother was striking.  The most obvious distinction, however, was his eyes.  Instead of the blood-red eyes of a monster, his own amber orbs gazed back at him.  Perhaps the shade had lightened just a hint, but they were still his eyes.  His eyes, his body, his mind.  Inuyasha was still Inuyasha.  But he was obviously no longer a hanyou. 

 

“I’m…I’m a full-fledged youkai,” he whispered, almost unable to believe it.  But the proof was staring back at him in the mirror.  It was in his heightened senses and every other odd thing he had noticed since being engulfed by the sphere of youki in the rodent’s lair.  Slowly a brilliant smile spread across his lips.  The purple markings and long fangs probably made the expression seem slightly crazed to his companions, but for Inuyasha, it truly was a manifestation of pure joy. 

 

He threw his head back and laughed.  He laughed until his sides hurt, and tears were threatening to leak from his eyes.  He laughed because the alternative was to cry.  For most of his life, he had desired this above all things.  He had spent years pursuing every rumor he could find, any possible way to make his dream come true.  Until months ago, when he had been forced to confront the cruel reality that he would never become a full-fledged youkai without losing his mind.  With the support of his friends, of Kagome in particular, he had made peace with that fact, and resolved to move on.  If before today you had told him with absolute certainty that he would never achieve his old goal of becoming a full-fledged youkai, he would not have batted an eye.  But that didn’t mean he had completely rid himself of the desire.  Repressed it, yes.  Realized that he could live the rest of his life without achieving it, of course.  But fate had apparently decided to fulfill a dream from his past, and he couldn’t claim to be anything but ecstatic. 

 

“How did this happen, Inuyasha?” Miroku asked.  A little irked at the monk for raining on his parade, Inuyasha nevertheless recapped the battle for them. 

 

“Whatever agent or magic which bound the youki together must have allowed it to fuse with Inuyasha’s body,” Sango theorized. 

 

“I was thinking the same,” Miroku confirmed.  “I would not have thought such a thing possible, but the proof is standing right in front of us.” 

 

“I don’t really give a shit how it happened.  All I know is that it’s fucking awesome!” 

 

“Are you sure, Inuyasha?  What if there are negative consequences?” 

 

“Keh,” he snorted dismissively.  “You worry too much, taijiya.”

 

“Oh, really?  Can you still use Tetsusaiga?” 

 

Now that gave Inuyasha pause.  But his already phenomenal mood brightened even further when not only did his beloved sword not reject him, it even transformed for him. 

 

“Ha!  See?  There is _nothing_ wrong with this!  I’m still Inuyasha!” 

 

“I thought Tetsusaiga was supposed to reject all full-youkai?” Sango muttered, not disappointed at this development but certainly perplexed by it. 

 

“As did I,” Miroku replied.  “But Tetsusaiga has proven itself to be sentient to some degree.  It has evidently chosen Inuyasha as its master, regardless of his form.” 

 

“Inuyasha?” 

 

That quiet query drew everyone’s attention.  Kagome had her hands clasped nervously in front of her skirt, as she worried her bottom lip with her teeth. 

 

“Yeah, wench?” he replied.  His words were harsh, but his tone was soft, almost gentle.  As though he was genuinely afraid of the direction this conversation might turn. 

 

“Are you…going to stay this way?” 

 

His gaze hardened a fraction at her inquiry, his lips pursing.  He glared at her, but she kept her eyes focused on the ground between them.  Finally he heaved a sigh, appearing to return to some semblance of calm.  When he spoke, he seemed to be both challenging Kagome and pleading with her. 

 

“Is that a problem?”

 

Finally Kagome met his gaze.  She opened her mouth to respond, then hesitated, and finally dropped her eyes, closing them for a few long moments.  When she opened them again she met Inuyasha’s stare with a bright gaze and a small smile, both of which appeared only partly genuine.      

 

“No, it’s not.  If this makes you happy, then we support you.” 

 

No one doubted Kagome’s honesty, but even Inuyasha should have been able to see that she harbored some fairly serious reservations.  But he merely nodded in gratitude and flashed her a grin.  If he did detect her reticence, he apparently thought it stemmed only from lingering shock and expected that it would disappear with time.  Miroku for one was pretty sure that her concerns ran much deeper, and it looked like Sango agreed with that assessment.  Oblivious to their thoughts, however, Inuyasha seemed content to take Kagome’s words at face value. 

 

“I’m gonna go make sure all of Tetsusaiga’s attacks still work!” he declared, sounding very confident indeed.  With that, he was gone.  Moments later they heard blades of youki and diamond shards whizzing through the air in the distance, interspersed with exultant shouts from the hanyou-turned-youkai.  That field was going to be one hell of a mess. 

 

“I’m worried, Houshi-sama.”

 

“Agreed, Sango.  Let’s watch him closely for the next few days, to see if anything is amiss.” 

 

“Are you all right, Kagome-chan?” 

 

“Huh?  Oh, yeah, I’m fine, Sango-chan.  I meant what I said.” 

 

“I don’t doubt that, Kagome-sama.  But no one would blame you if your feelings about this were somewhat…mixed.” 

 

“Thanks, Miroku-sama,” the miko replied, this time wearing a smile which while tentative, was not in the least bit forced.  “Come on, let’s go make sure he doesn’t accidentally burn the forest down.”

 

“I wonder if the rosary still works,” Shippou pondered anxiously, his first words since their reunion with Inuyasha. 

 

Sango scoffed.  “I’m sure it does.  And knowing Inuyasha, it won’t be too long before he gives us an excuse to find out.” 

 

Everyone grinned at this except Shippou, who was probably worried about being bullied.  Kagome took him into her arms and ruffled his hair. 

 

“Don’t worry, Shippou-chan.  This will be an adjustment, but we’re all going to figure it out together.  Everything will be all right, you’ll see.” 

 

“Okay,” the kit agreed, comforted if not completely mollified. 

 

If only she could bring herself to believe her own assurances…


	2. Side Effects

Kagome sighed for at least the dozenth time that morning, as she trudged along after her companions.  Although, ‘trudged’ probably wasn’t the right word to describe their walking speed; ‘marched’ would be a more appropriate adjective.  Fueled by his ridiculously good mood, Inuyasha seemed to be floating on air at the head of the group, leading them at a far quicker pace than he usually did, at least when they had no particular destination in mind. 

 

And there was the rub.  The very thing which made Inuyasha so happy caused her only worry and dread.  And that, in turn, made her feel incredibly guilty.  Her shoulders sagged under the weight of remorse, and she wished she could just shake herself and magically be at peace with this.  But unfortunately, it wasn’t so easy to change how she felt, not when this seemed so wrong deep down in her bones. 

 

She sighed again, rubbing her eyes tiredly.  Fatigue was another constant burden.  They had returned to the village, vowing to wait one night to see if the creature which had been harassing the settlement returned.  When it did not, they could be reasonably certain that the hamster had been the culprit all along.  She might have been able to get some sleep if Inuyasha had joined them, but instead the hanyou—no, the _youkai_ —had spent the entire evening out in the forest familiarizing himself with his new form.  While this undoubtedly served some practical purpose—learning new abilities, for example—Kagome also thought that he had simply been having fun.  She could see the appeal of being able to leap higher or run faster than ever before, or sense the world around him more clearly.  But his absence, combined with her own dark thoughts, had assured her a long and restless night. 

 

Up ahead, Inuyasha stretched his arms above him, tilting his head back for a moment to allow the sun to cast its warm rays upon his face.  Kagome felt her brow furrow in irritation.  How could he be so happy about this?  Didn’t her opinion of him matter at all?  She didn’t want him to enjoy being a full-youkai, or regard no longer being a hanyou as the single greatest thing which had ever happened to him.  His unbridled enthusiasm on both of these subjects revealed some very ugly truths which she was having difficulty in facing.  She had fallen for him as a hanyou.  She loved him exactly the way he was, before he had become something else.  Even if Inuyasha had not comprehended the full extent of her feelings, he must surely have been aware of her unconditional acceptance, that she was his friend neither due to nor in spite of his hanyou heritage.  It simply didn’t matter to her.  So why…why wasn’t that enough to make him happy?  Why hadn’t her acceptance been enough to let him forget his old desire to become a full-youkai?  Even if he believed it to be merely platonic, why couldn’t her love make him whole? 

 

Perhaps that was what hurt the most, the idea that she had failed him somehow.  That despite her unwavering support, she would never have been able to fully heal the void in his soul.  That he would have always harbored this deep desire to change himself, no matter where life took him.  Learning of her own inadequacy in this regard was the single biggest disappointment of her entire life. 

 

She sniffled once, blinking back tears.  She had cried a little bit last night, but didn’t want to shed tears in his presence.  Whether he was aware that something was bothering her, or he was too distracted by his own elation to notice, he hadn’t said anything to her about it.  She hoped to keep it that way.  The last thing she wanted right now was a confrontation.  Fighting with him without first having dealt with her own issues would only lead to disaster. 

 

Selfishness was the chief demon, a giant ogre rampaging around inside her head.  And she hated herself for it.  She had always told herself that she just wanted Inuyasha to be happy.  If this made him happy, and there truly were no negative side effects, then how could she wish for him to change back and still look at herself the same way in the mirror?  Did her reservations mean that her professed selflessness was just an illusion?  Did they…make her the same as Kikyou?  She had always considered her love to be unconditional, and therefore different from what Kikyou felt for Inuyasha.  But what if her feelings were actually just as fatally flawed as the undead miko’s?  Was she really just a giant fraud?  Could she even consider herself Inuyasha’s friend? 

 

These questions and the uncertainty of their answers frightened Kagome to her very core.  If Inuyasha knew the terrible thoughts which plagued her, she was fairly certain he would never look at her the same way again.  Perhaps he believed that she, like the others, was simply concerned over the possibility of negative side effects.  If so, she vowed to do nothing to dispel that belief.  Hopefully she would be able to make peace with her actual demons before he began to suspect the truth.  If not…she didn’t want to think about it. 

 

 Nevertheless, her misery-addled mind began to turn down the road to worst-case scenarios, a route which it had already traveled several times.  She was saved from completing this figurative journey by a badly-placed rock in the middle of the real-world path on which her physical body actually walked. 

 

“Oof!” she grunted, stumbling and barely managing to prevent herself from falling face-first into the dirt.  She tried to resume walking immediately, but swayed dizzily for a moment and was forced to stop.  Leaning down with her hands on her knees, she comprehended her shortness of breath for the first time.  _Why am I panting?  Were we really walking that fast?_  

 

“Are you all right, Kagome-chan?” 

 

She looked up to see Sango, Miroku, Kirara and Shippou gazing back at her in concern.  The kitsune had taken to riding on Miroku’s shoulder this morning, the fire-cat with Sango.  The monk and taijiya were undoubtedly in better physical shape than she was, but she was gratified to see the fine sheen of sweat on their brows, even if they weren’t really out of breath.  Sango shot Miroku a meaningful look, and he nodded, immediately jogging after Inuyasha while calling his name. 

 

“Sorry, Kagome-chan, I didn’t realize we were walking so fast.” 

 

“It’s all right, Sango-chan,” she replied, straightening up.  “We’re all a little distracted this morning, ne?” 

 

Sango grinned.  “Yeah, especially a certain someone who, now that you mention it, has been skipping along like a little girl all morning.” 

 

Kagome chuckled at this, despite her melancholy.  Then both women turned their attention to the two males up ahead, between whom an argument was developing. 

 

“So what the hell is the problem?” 

 

“As I just stated, the problem is that you are walking too fast.” 

 

“Bullshit,” Inuyasha snapped, obstinately crossing his arms over his chest.  “I’m not walking any faster than I usually do.” 

 

“Oh, really?  Do we usually _march_ to the point of Kagome-sama nearly collapsing?” 

 

Inuyasha looked at her for the first time, giving her a quick once-over.  For a moment his eyes held genuine concern, but then his expression hardened, and she knew the next words out of his mouth were going to be hurtful.  Fortunately Miroku anticipated this as well. 

 

“Before you say anything you will regret,” he interjected, seemingly unperturbed by the nasty glare Inuyasha sent his way, “let me remind you that the _three_ of us are only human.  All we ask is to travel at the pace we usually travel.  Surely that is not an unreasonable request.” 

 

Inuyasha glanced between them, clearly wanting to argue.  But he must have been caught off guard by Miroku’s impenetrable logic, and it was fairly obvious that none of them were going to be especially receptive to his continued efforts to convince them that it was all in their heads.  So, with a theatrical roll of his eyes and a petulant snort, he spun back around and stomped off, albeit at a much more reasonable speed.  Miroku got him to stop long enough to retrieve a water bottle from Kagome’s backpack, then very leisurely strolled back to the miko, his grin revealing the unhurried gait to be quite purposeful.  Sango snickered at the pair of golden eyes boring into the back of his skull, and even Kagome smiled a bit.  After thanking Miroku and satiating her thirst, Kagome handed the bottle back to him.  The three of them shared the refreshment, even as their leader became more and more irritated.  Finally he could contain himself no longer.    


“Come on, let’s go!  You slow-ass humans have rested long enough already!” 

 

The others looked to Kagome, unwilling to proceed unless she was up for it.  She was, so she started out at a normal walking pace, Sango and Miroku falling into step beside her.  Inuyasha spun and resumed his place at the head of the group, his body language screaming of annoyance. 

 

“We’ll stop for lunch in a little bit,” the taijiya whispered conspiratorially in her ear, though evidently not quietly enough to escape detection by hypersensitive ears.  Inuyasha threw his head back and let loose a loud groan that quickly morphed into an irritated growl.  He then took to muttering under his breath, though fortunately none of them could make out the words. 

 

Shippou hopped onto Kagome’s shoulder, his presence enough to make her smile.  Her friends might not understand what was going on inside her head, but their support meant the world to her.  She wasn’t alone in learning how to deal with a full-youkai Inuyasha.  As she had told Shippou yesterday, they would figure it out together. 

 

* * *

 

Lunch was uneventful, aside from some further griping and general surliness on Inuyasha’s part.  But they were well used to his mood swings, and his frustration over their human limitations was nothing new, even if it had never been quite so pronounced before.  Within an hour after their meal, however, they found themselves marching along at nearly the same pace which they had objected to earlier.  The increase in speed had been gradual, and perhaps Inuyasha hadn’t even realized he was doing it.  Regardless, one of the ‘slow-ass humans’ had finally had enough. 

 

“Okay, that’s it,” Sango snapped, grabbing Miroku’s robes and Kagome’s blouse and drawing both of them to a stop.  She then led them forward at a normal walking speed.  Everyone could see that Inuyasha would rapidly outpace them, but the monk and miko were content to let their taijiya companion handle the fallout.  Everyone in the group knew not to cross Sango when she was angry.  Apparently even Inuyasha.  Instead of yelling at them when he realized that they were no longer keeping up with him, he took one look at the taijiya and rolled his eyes, pouting like a child. 

 

“What, am I walking too fast again?”  Somehow his attempted sarcasm didn’t have much bite to it, and Sango for one was not impressed.

 

“We are going to walk at our own pace from now on, Inuyasha,” she stated firmly.  “You are welcome to join us or scout ahead.” 

 

Kagome mentally praised Sango for giving Inuyasha an ‘out.’  Even though he didn’t usually ‘scout ahead,’ the option to save face might help to defuse the situation.  Evidently it worked. 

 

“Keh,” Inuyasha snorted, once again taking to muttering under his breath as he walked away.  But that was much preferable to a fight, as far as his friends were concerned. 

 

They didn’t see any sign of him until that evening, after they had set up camp.  Kagome was busy preparing some modern food from her backpack when she sensed his aura up in the trees.  Pretending not to notice, she nevertheless set two cups of ramen in the empty spot next to her, figuring that the message of ‘I’ll make these for you when you’re ready to come down’ was quite clear. 

 

He did come down eventually, after the others had turned in for the night.  Kagome was falling asleep where she knelt by that point, but perked up immediately as he settled down beside her.  He wordlessly handed her the cups of ramen, and she just as wordlessly prepared them for him.  For several minutes, the only sounds to be heard were the crackling of the fire and the quiet slurping of mass-produced noodles.  They continued to sit together in silence after Inuyasha had finished eating.  Kagome felt his eyes on her, but didn’t react, instead waiting for him to speak. 

 

“You okay, wench?” he finally asked, feigning nonchalance.  His words were not especially kind, but she searched his eyes and found genuine remorse, so she nodded and smiled.  Much to her delight, this made him blush handsomely and he glanced away in embarrassment, while simultaneously shifting his body closer to hers.  She took this as the invitation it was and leaned against his side, heaving a huge sigh of relief.  After today, any interaction which struck her as ‘normal’ was most welcome.  She could almost believe that this was still the Inuyasha she loved, and that he hadn’t changed one bit as a result of his transformation. 

 

Almost. 

 

* * *

 

Kagome was astounded to wake up the following morning and find the sun already well on its way to its apex.  Evidently Inuyasha had decided to let her sleep in, likely due to her lingering fatigue and the fact that she had stayed up almost half the night with him.  While this change in attitude was surprising to everyone, it was most encouraging, as was the fact that he apparently had no issues walking with them today at a normal pace.  Perhaps his odd behavior yesterday really was a one-time thing?  For the first time, genuine optimism began to work its way into Kagome’s consciousness.  Things were finally looking up. 

 

It was such a pleasant day, that the sun had nearly set before Kagome realized something they all should have remembered hours earlier. 

 

“Oh, Kami!  Inuyasha!  Why didn’t you say something?” 

 

“What is it Kagome-chan?”

 

“Tonight’s the new moon!”

 

Sango gasped.  “You’re right!  We’d better find a safe place to—”

 

Low, almost sinister chuckling interrupted her, as all eyes turned to find Inuyasha smirking in nearly maniacal fashion. 

 

“I was wondering when you lot would remember the new moon.  But you don’t have to worry.  My youki hasn’t weakened all day.  I’m looking _forward_ to sundown!” 

 

Kagome could understand why.  She supposed they had all fallen into the old habit of worrying about the new moon, but Inuyasha was probably right in saying that they didn’t have any reason to be concerned.  Tonight was likely the truest test of his transformation, of whether he really had become a full-youkai.  It was no surprise that he was excited by the prospect. 

 

For good reason, as it turned out.  Everyone observed in silence as the sun slipped below the horizon, leaving a moonless sky above.  For the first time in his life, Inuyasha was able to look upon that sky without losing half of himself.  Kagome thought the shade of his eyes might have darkened slightly, but there was no other change, and even that was probably just her imagination.  One could argue that he had already lost half of himself when he surrendered his human side, but judging by his cry of jubilation, Inuyasha clearly believed that gaining another ‘half’ of youkai more than made up for the loss. 

 

“Yes!  Fuck you, new moon!  You got nothin’ on me, you stupid whore!” 

 

“Did he just call the moon a whore?” Sango asked, shaking her head. 

 

“A ‘stupid whore,’ I believe,” Miroku replied with an amused chuckle. 

 

“Well, it’s nice to know that whatever transformations Inuyasha has undergone, his level of maturity hasn’t changed one bit.” 

 

Kagome grinned at the joke, as did everyone else, and was just about to add something in equally good humor when Inuyasha’s voice reached them. 

 

“Oi!  Shut up over there!” 

 

Kagome turned to stare at him, her eyes widening slightly.  His lips were quirked and one of his oversized fangs poked out, which along with the way he was comically shaking his fist in the air, indicated that he was joking as well.  Their friends certainly seemed to think so, with the way they were laughing.  But Kagome swore she had heard a note of something darker in his tone, something to suggest that his demand for them to shut up was not merely a matter of jest.  Was it just a figment of her imagination?  Or worse yet, were her reservations about his transformation making her hear alarming signs that weren’t really there? 

 

Either way, her best bet was to pretend that she hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary.  _I just want Inuyasha to be happy_ , she repeated as she forced herself to join the others in laughter.  She would need to hold that mantra close to her heart if she was going to make it through this ordeal with her sanity intact. 

 

* * *

 

They didn’t see much of Inuyasha that night, as he spent another evening running around and working off his seemingly boundless energy.  But Kagome was at least able to get some sleep this time, so she wasn’t dragging her feet on the ground come morning.  Inuyasha’s phenomenal mood from the day before had carried over as well, so he didn’t even complain too much when they came across a small village around mid-afternoon and decided to see if the inhabitants would let them stay the night. 

 

Actually going into the village was an…interesting experience.  They were well used to strange looks and whispers by this point, and Kagome had lost track of the number of times she had overheard people wondering whether _she_ was a youkai.  But there was something different this time.  The looks they received were less curious than they were apprehensive, less hostile than they were fearful.  The most striking thing was the almost complete lack of gossip, at least within her hearing range.  The village headman exchanged a few words with Miroku, his demeanor polite but strained.  Although they clearly were not comfortable with the newcomers, no one spoke up about denying them room and board for the evening.  Miroku’s offer of payment in the form of purification and a blessing was happily accepted, especially after it was discovered that there actually was a very weak youkai hanging around inside the headman’s home.  Miroku had just pulled a sutra out of his robes when the gnarled little sprite decided to flee of its own volition, cussing them out and swearing vengeance as it departed.  A few minutes later, the headman’s young daughter suddenly declared that she felt much better, having apparently suffered from a minor cold for a few weeks. 

 

The villagers seemed more at ease with their presence after that, but still, it was cautious acceptance at best.  One wrong move, and the entire settlement would either be sent fleeing for their lives or grabbing weapons.  Kagome was used to suspicion, but this was really bizarre, especially when they _hadn’t_ made any wrong moves.  Everyone had been on their best behavior, including Inuyasha.  The only difference between today and all of their past encounters with human settlements was that Inuyasha was a full-youkai rather than a hanyou.  And why should that make a difference? 

 

It took Kagome some time to come up with a plausible theory.  From a human’s perspective, Inuyasha the hanyou had some things going for him.  First and foremost, he was half-human.  And even while wearing his best scowl or blustering about one thing or another, he didn’t _look_ that scary.  Oh, he tried, but all it took was an untimely twitch of his fuzzy canine ears to ruin the effect.  And certain behaviors—such as getting down on all fours and sniffing the ground like a dog—could also do much to crack the façade.  So as a hanyou he was an oddity, something to be regarded with suspicion and mistrust, but not necessarily with fear.  That was obviously no longer the case.  Inuyasha the youkai had no humanity to join him in solidarity with the villagers, even in some small way.  He was an unknown, and a frightening one at that.  He exuded an aura of power without even trying, a sense that he could slaughter every last one of them without even breaking a sweat if he wanted to.  It was as though his barely-there smile was far scarier than any scowl he had ever adopted.  In their eyes he was a cold-blooded killer, a monster in humanoid form. 

 

Kagome was getting really tired of drawing comparisons between Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru.  But Inuyasha seemed more like his half-brother all the time!  Each day she felt like he drifted further away from her.  What was she going to do?!  Fighting back sudden panic, she remembered the other night, which they had spent sitting together and talking well into the early hours of the morning.  She had known him then, without a doubt.  And if she took a moment to search her heart, she was sure she still knew him now.  No matter what exterior changes took place, if he was still the Inuyasha she loved on the inside, then they would be okay. 

 

* * *

 

They were making their way along a road running through an old growth forest the following day, when suddenly the sky darkened.  Or to be more accurate, the trees shifted above them, blocking out most of the sun’s rays.  The air became heavy, permeated with the aura of youki.  But though the Inu-tachi armed themselves and would certainly take the threat seriously, the approaching youki did not feel truly formidable. 

 

An observation which was confirmed when their would-be opponents arrived.  They were, for lack of a better term, tree-youkai.  Hulking, slow-moving, and only a few meters tall at most, they were not exactly the most intimidating youkai the Inu-tachi had ever faced.  Quite the opposite in fact.  And the familiar little sprite riding on one of their shoulders completely ruined whatever tough façade they were trying to put on. 

 

“There they are!  They’re the ones who kicked me out of the village!  Let’s get ‘em!” 

 

“Tear off their limbs,” one of the larger youkai declared. 

 

“Grind their bones to sap,” another echoed.  The third let loose an inhuman groan-growl that was apparently supposed to be menacing, but just sounded kind of pathetic. 

 

Sighing in relief, Kagome shouldered her bow and returned her arrow to the quiver.  Her weapons would not be needed in this fight, if one could even call it that.  A few well-placed punches from Inuyasha would send these idiots lurching for the hills and put a swift end to this farce.  Sango and Miroku relaxed as well, content to let their pugilistic companion handle this, though they remained armed just in case they were needed.  So they were all shocked when, rather than simply beating the enemy into submission, Inuyasha attacked with claws bared.  The first tree-youkai died before it knew what hit it, sliced into kindling by the most powerful Sankon Tetsusou that Kagome had ever seen. 

 

She gasped in equal parts surprise and horror.  “Inuyasha!  What are you—”

 

But it was too late.  By the time she would have finished her sentence, the other two tree-youkai were dead.  The little sprite barely escaped evisceration, screaming in terror as it leapt into the trees, using the forest to make its escape.  Or so it thought.  Inuyasha set off in pursuit of the fleeing youkai, quickly vanishing from sight. 

 

Light returned to the roadway as the trees overhead stopped blocking the sun’s rays.  The air remained heavy, however, as the entire forest seemed to mourn the pitiful creatures lying in pieces on the leaf-covered ground.  Kagome shared a look with her friends, each of them having come to an identical conclusion.  This was bad.  Inuyasha had done something which he normally would never do, and no one was comfortable with it.  And this time, Kagome knew she wasn’t imagining things. 

 

An hour passed before Inuyasha returned, panting slightly but still grinning victoriously. 

 

“Heh, little bastard was quick, but I finally got it.” 

 

“So you…killed it?” Kagome asked, choosing her words carefully.  She tried to keep her tone neutral, but Inuyasha must have sensed that something was amiss. 

 

“Yeah, I did,” he declared, eyes narrowing slightly.  “Is that a problem?” 

 

“It’s a surprise,” Sango interjected when Kagome hesitated with her response.  “Tactically speaking, none of us thought the use of lethal force was neces—”

 

“It was necessary, taijiya,” Inuyasha interrupted, leaning forward and gesturing wildly with his hands, his entire demeanor exuding aggression.  “That little shit was making the girl sick, remember?  ‘Tear off their limbs.’  ‘Grind their bones to sap.’  Remember that?”

 

“Yes, but—”

 

“But nothing.  You lot want to assume they weren’t dangerous.  I say making assumptions is stupid.  They attacked the villagers, and they attacked us.  Enough said.” 

 

With that, he stomped off in their previous direction of travel, leaving the rest of them to stare at each other in silence.  Eventually they followed him, none of them knowing what to say.  As much as she disagreed with Inuyasha’s decision, Kagome couldn’t say that his logic was flawed.  The tree-youkai had shown the capacity and willingness to harm humans, even if said harm was minor by any standard of measure.  The larger individuals were certainly strong enough to kill the villagers if they so desired.  She didn’t _think_ they harbored any such desires, but she didn’t _know_ for sure.  Inuyasha’s justification of self-defense was pretty weak, but his justification of protecting the villagers had some legs to stand on. 

 

Still, this entire episode left a sour taste in Kagome’s mouth.  She believed in slaying youkai in genuine self-defense, or when they posed a clear threat to the innocent.  The tree-youkai had, in all likelihood, satisfied neither element of that philosophy.  Just because they couldn’t be _absolutely_ sure that the tree-youkai wouldn’t go and attack the village, didn’t mean that Inuyasha was vindicated in slaughtering them.  If that were true, then one could justify slaying just about any youkai.  Ultimately, there had to be a level of proportionality in their response to any threat, and Inuyasha’s response struck her as neither proportional nor morally right. 

 

But what could she do?  He had been so quick to become defensive, practically shoving his rationalization down their throats and ignoring their objections.  Speaking to him about it now, or even later today, was likely to be counterproductive.  For now, she sensed that Sango and Miroku were content to stick with their ‘wait and see’ approach with Inuyasha.  But if he continued to exhibit behaviors like this, then they were going to need to have a serious conversation.  She really hoped it didn’t come to that, but she had a sinking feeling that hope would go unfulfilled. 

 

Clearly this wasn’t as simple as ‘just wanting Inuyasha to be happy.’  Not when for all of his lofty justifications, she couldn’t shake the sense that Inuyasha had slaughtered the tree-youkai and hunted down the little sprite because he enjoyed it.  And that was a truly terrifying thought. 


	3. Confrontations

Things quieted down for a couple days after the incident with the tree-youkai, a welcome normalization of Inu-tachi group dynamics.  Rather than constantly hovering in an unnaturally good mood, Inuyasha seemed to revert back to his old self.  Most of the time he was neither amiable nor surly, but something in between.  He was, of course, as short-tempered as ever, but Kagome could deal with this just as she’d been dealing with it for months now.  The shift in personality was certainly a welcome change.  For a couple days she was able to stop walking on eggshells around him, and could almost forget that he was no longer hanyou.  Her own reservations about that fact could be ignored in favor of more pleasant thoughts.  She had her best friend and love interest back!  She didn’t have time to waste on brooding, not when she could finally breathe again. 

 

She should have known the bliss would never last. 

 

One afternoon they were attacked by a swarm of about a hundred youkai, obviously drawn to the jewel shards dangling from her neck.  Most were examples of the common centipede-like variety, vividly colored but not very powerful.  There were a few larger youkai mixed in, but nothing to worry them.  Inuyasha could wipe out the entire swarm with two, maybe three swings of Tetsusaiga.  The only trouble was that he didn’t actually unsheathe his sword. 

 

It was fortunate that Sango and Miroku never took anything for granted and maintained a state of readiness.  For although Inuyasha was probably in very little danger as he charged into the swarm, claws flashing in every direction, the numerical disparity of a one hundred-to-one fight left some of the enemy youkai unoccupied, free to choose another target.  The taijiya and monk dealt with them with relative ease, but the very fact that they had to raise their weapons at all was cause for concern.  Especially when Inuyasha cornered the last two primitive youkai and didn’t immediately finish them off.  Instead, he appeared to toy with them.  Whenever they tried to flee in a new direction, Inuyasha was there, blocking their escape.  His nostrils flared and his eyes glowed with delight, as though he was savoring their fear through multiple senses.  It was chilling. 

 

“This has gone on long enough,” Sango finally declared, striding purposefully forward.  Inuyasha didn’t see her coming until she had granted his prey a merciful end with one swing of hiraikotsu.  There was a moment of silence before the explosion. 

 

“What the fuck, Sango?!” Inuyasha bellowed, advancing on her.  The taijiya firmed her countenance and glared right back at him from less than a meter away. 

 

“I could ask you the same thing, Inuyasha.” 

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

 

“Why didn’t you use Tetsusaiga?” 

 

That question seemed to catch him off guard for a moment, but he quickly recovered.  “Keh.  Didn’t need it against that small fry.” 

 

“Maybe not,” Sango relented, “but you absolutely should have used it as the quickest and least dangerous way to end the battle.” 

 

“Don’t tell me how to fight, taijiya.  I’ve been fending for myself since before you were born.” 

 

Sango rolled her eyes.  “Yes, fending for _yourself_.  It isn’t just you anymore.  When you fight, you’re fighting for more than just your own hide.  You should always think about your companions when you enter battle,” she admonished, speaking as though the lesson had been an important part of her training.  

 

Inuyasha sneered.  “If you lot couldn’t handle a few small fry like that, then you have no business being out here at all.” 

 

“That’s not the point.  The point is—”

 

“—that I can’t always rely on Tetsusaiga.  You’ve seen that first-hand, haven’t you?  So if I occasionally need a hand-to-hand battle to shake off the rust, then you’ll just have to deal with it.  I wouldn’t have done it if you lot would’ve been in any danger.” 

 

He stated the last part so assuredly that Kagome almost believed him.  A profound and disturbing sense of déjà vu struck her.  Just as he had after the incident with the tree-youkai, Inuyasha quickly and aggressively provided a justification for his actions.  As before, he definitely had a point, but she couldn’t take him at his word.  There was more to this than mere practice.  Nevertheless, Inuyasha’s obstinacy had clearly knocked Sango off balance.  She took a moment to gather her thoughts, and when she spoke, her voice was subdued but still firm. 

 

“Look, Inuyasha.  This is me speaking as your friend and as a taijiya.  When you take longer than necessary to finish an opponent, you’re asking for trouble.  People get killed that way.  If you want to train, we can train.  I’ll give you one hell of a workout.  But this today…it’s not right.  And it makes me wonder if you’re still the friend I knew before we met that damn hamster.” 

 

“Except for being a full-fledged youkai, I’m the same as I was before,” Inuyasha replied, sounding more sincere and decidedly less argumentative.  “I’m still Inuyasha.” 

 

“I hope so,” Sango replied softly, turning to walk away.  Inuyasha watched her for a moment with an unreadable expression, then spun and stalked off into the trees, obviously wanting some time alone. 

 

Miroku sighed, breaking the awkward silence.  “It seems that we were right to be concerned.” 

 

“Unfortunately,” Sango replied, clearly lost in her own thoughts. 

 

“I guess all we can do is be his friend, and call it to his attention when he does something unusual.” 

 

A sense of helplessness settled over the small group of companions.  They all knew the truth, that even if Inuyasha was changing, there was no going back.  All they could do was call him on it and encourage him to make a conscious effort to alter his behavior.  They hoped that these personality swings were a result of him still getting used to his elevated levels of youki, and that they would normalize once he had adjusted.  But none of them really knew what to expect.  The cold reality was that they might have seen the last of their hanyou friend. 

 

Inuyasha might never truly be ‘Inuyasha’ again. 

 

* * *

 

“Who the hell does Sango think she is, telling me how to fight?” Inuyasha muttered to himself as he stomped through the forest.  “I’ve been fighting my whole life.  I’ve saved their asses more times than I can count!”

 

‘But they’ve also save your ass many times as well.’ 

 

That ‘voice of reason’ inside his head was getting really annoying.  And so what if his friends _occasionally_ helped him in battle.  What difference did that make? 

 

‘So maybe Sango knows what she’s talking about.’ 

 

“Keh.  Nosy taijiya,” he grumbled.  “Telling me I’ve changed.  Bullshit!  I’m faster and stronger now, but I’m still Inuyasha.” 

 

‘Are you really?’ 

 

He considered the question for a moment, then shook his head and set his jaw stubbornly.  Hell yes, he was still Inuyasha!  They were all idiots for doubting that—doubting _him_ —even for a moment.  And so what if he enjoyed fighting a little more than he did before?  He wasn’t a mindless killer, constantly seeking out something to slaughter.  But if he did have to fight, what was wrong with deriving a little enjoyment from it?  Sango was right that he shouldn’t use his claws if it meant putting his friends in serious danger, but he wouldn’t have done that anyway!  She was stupid for not having more faith in him. 

 

Conscience clear, part of him wanted to march right back and tell them how foolish they all were, but he thought better of it.  Besides, he was getting hungry, and some snacks from Kagome’s bags weren’t going to be enough to satisfy him.  No, he wanted meat tonight.  Licking his lips at the thought, he began to creep silently through the forest in search of prey. 

 

* * *

 

They set up camp a fair distance from the site of the battle, knowing Inuyasha would be able to find them by scent.  Kagome was just about to start dinner preparation when the hanyou-turned-youkai suddenly waltzed into camp carrying not one, but two recently deceased wild boars over his shoulders.  He tossed them down to land with twin moist _thunks_ , then proceeded to kneel next to one of the carcasses and begin the process of dismembering it.  Kagome tried to remain close in a show of gratitude, but it was impossible.  In less than a minute, she had to stumble away holding her stomach.  Behind her she heard Sango join in butchering the other carcass, and Shippou and Kirara were youkai so of course the sight didn’t bother them either.  She sank to her knees at the edge of camp, reasoning that if she had to hurl, it would be better to do it in the bushes rather than where they intended to sleep.  It was a close call, but she managed to hold it in.  Her stomach was at least partially settled by the time Miroku sat beside her in a meditative pose.  Despite her nausea, Kagome couldn’t help but find amusement in the monk’s somewhat ashen complexion. 

 

“A little squeamish, Miroku-sama?”

 

“Not at all, Kagome-sama,” he replied, utterly failing to affect nonchalance.  “I merely thought you might enjoy some company.” 

 

“Oh, I see,” she responded with exaggerated grace.  “Well, thank you for your consideration, Miroku-sama.  I _truly_ appreciate it.” 

 

“Think nothing of it, Kagome-sama,” he told her, as though he didn’t notice her sarcasm.  “Providing comfort to fair maidens is what I do.”  He winked, and Kagome hid her amusement behind her hand. 

 

Inuyasha muttered something unintelligible behind them, which caused Sango and Shippou to chuckle.  Miroku’s lips quirked into a slight frown as he closed his eyes. 

 

“I get the distinct impression that I am being made fun of.” 

 

“I can’t _imagine_ why,” Kagome replied innocently, which only caused the monk to hang his head and sigh in his typical ‘I’m so misunderstood’ fashion.  _Rather than being misunderstood_ , she reflected with a grin, _I think Miroku-sama’s problem is that we know him too well._   She had never appreciated the monk’s humorous quirks as much as she did now, however.  It was nice to forget her troubles and laugh with friends, even for a few moments. 

 

A short while later, the smell of cooking meat quickly drove away the last of Kagome’s lingering nausea.  Inuyasha was already eating by the time she settled by the campfire, having pulled his portion out of the flames long before he usually did.  Kagome grimaced at the sight of blood running down his chin.  She had heard of rare steak, but she doubted this met the standard for even that meagre level of doneness.  Come to think of it, one of the boars had sported a fresh-looking wound on its flank.  She thought that was a result of Inuyasha grabbing it by the hindquarters during the hunt, but now she wondered if he hadn’t decided to take a few bites before bringing the carcasses back to camp. 

 

But if he wanted to eat his meat barely-cooked or even raw, that was his right.  It certainly wasn’t her place to say anything about it.  But she couldn’t stop herself from asking about something else which had been bothering her. 

 

“Inuyasha…why did you kill two boars?” 

 

He fixed her with a neutral expression, so she honestly couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  It made her more nervous than his irritated glare ever had. 

 

“I mean, there’s just so much meat,” she rambled.  “We hadn’t eaten a big meal in a few days, so I appreciate you hunting for us, and we can take some of it with us, but a lot of it will go to waste.  So…maybe one boar would’ve been enough?”

 

He stared at her with that same blank expression for a few anxious moments, then growled out a sigh and shook his head. 

 

“I really can’t win with you people, can I?” he asked bitterly. 

 

Kagome frowned.  _‘You people?’  Since when did we become ‘you people?’_   She thought her question had been fair, and she hadn’t been mean about it or anything.  So why did he have to take offense and turn it around on her, making _her_ look like the bad guy? 

 

“That’s not—”

 

“Keh.  Forget it,” he interrupted, rising to his feet, his eyes guarded.  “You’re right, it was a waste to kill both of them.  My bad.  Now get some sleep.  We’re getting up early tomorrow.” 

 

With that he leapt into the trees, decisively terminating the conversation and leaving his friends to stare at each other wearing the same helpless expressions as earlier that day. 

 

Just what the hell was happening to Inuyasha?

 

* * *

 

Inu-tachi group dynamics for the next forty-eight hours were strained to say the least.  Inuyasha wasn’t mean, per se, but he was rather standoffish, barely speaking two words to any of them.  Again, Kagome couldn’t help but feel that he was slowly drifting away from her, and that she was powerless to do anything about it.  A youkai attack or an urgent mission to break the depressing monotony would have been most welcome.  Anything other than the sensation of a pair of rapidly approaching jewel shards brushing against her consciousness.  She dared a glance over to Inuyasha, hoping to find his typical annoyed scowl firmly in place.  Instead she discovered a menacing smile, his fangs bared in anticipation.  And that was far scarier. 

 

Kouga whirled to a stop right in front of her and grabbed her hands as he usually did, not immediately noticing her trepidation. 

 

“Hey, Kagome.  How’s my wom—”

 

It was fortunate that Kouga possessed both naturally exceptional reflexes and the jewel shards which made him that much quicker.  Otherwise Inuyasha’s claws might have ended their rivalry in one fell swoop.  Now, it was not as though the inu-hanyou had never taken a swing at the ookami before, or vice versa.  Quite the opposite in fact.  But Kagome had detected an element of posturing in their confrontations as of late, a sense that they weren’t really trying to hurt each other.  Inuyasha would ‘pull his punches’ a bit, so to speak, and Kouga would leap away with a little ‘hup’ to let everyone know that he didn’t take the hanyou seriously.  Neither of them would admit it, but they hadn’t fought each other with malicious intent in a very long time.  That was clearly no longer the case, however, and Kouga knew it.  He dodged Inuyasha’s attack silently and settled into a combat stance a few meters away, his eyes cold steel. 

 

“And just what the fuck is your problem, Inu-kurro?” he snarled angrily. 

 

Inuyasha chuckled darkly.  “Take a good look, you worthless piece of wolf trash.  You really shouldn’t call me ‘Inu-kurro’ anymore.” 

 

There was a momentary pause as Kouga realized what his rival was referring to.  To everyone’s surprise, the wolf merely scoffed and put a hand to his forehead in exasperation.  But he never took his eyes off of his adversary, nor did he relax his stance. 

 

“You’re an even bigger idiot than I realized, _Inu-kurro._   I told you when we first met, didn’t I?  I can’t stand the smell of dogs.  I could give a shit that you’re a hanyou.” 

 

Kagome wasn’t sure she completely believed that statement, since Kouga undoubtedly also looked down on Inuyasha because of his mixed heritage, or at least he had in the beginning.  More recently a grudging respect had developed between the two of them, but that was obviously a thing of the past. 

 

“ _Was_ a hanyou,” Inuyasha corrected.  “As you can see, I’m a full-fledged youkai now, same as you.  Correction— _better_ than you.  You could barely compete with me when I was a hanyou.  Now you’re not even in the same class.” 

 

“Funny you should mention class.  If you were really so much better than me, you wouldn’t need to resort to cheap shots.” 

 

“Keep talking, ookami, and see what happens.  My generosity only goes so far.  I’ll give you one last chance.  Leave now, and don’t ever let me see or smell your sorry hide ever again.” 

 

Kouga looked to Kagome and the rest of her companions, his gaze lingering briefly on the miko in particular.  If they had all been united behind Inuyasha’s stated demand, the ookami probably would have honored their wishes— _her_ wishes—and beat a humiliating retreat.  But whatever he saw in their expressions, or smelled in their scents, gave him reason to stay.  He turned to Inuyasha with a grim smile, cracking his knuckles menacingly. 

 

“You’re a fool, Inu-kurro.  You think this has made you better, but you’re actually more pathetic than ever.  Being a full-youkai isn’t about how much youkai blood you have.  It’s a mindset, a strength of heart and will that you lack completely.  All I see before me is a dumb mutt who doesn’t know how to treat his friends!” 

 

With a wordless snarl, Inuyasha barreled at Kouga, claws flashing in the waning light.  The ookami dodged the attack, lashing out with a kick which the inu also evaded.  And just like that, a fight to the death was on. 

 

“Inuyasha!  Kouga-kun!  Stop this!” 

 

They ignored her completely, continuing their relentless attacks, some of which drew blood.  The wounds were superficial at this point, but that wouldn’t last long. 

 

“Stop this, please!  Before someone gets hurt!” 

 

“That’s the idea, bitch!” Inuyasha snapped, barely missing Kouga with an uppercut slash designed to split him down the middle. 

 

“Don’t try to reason with him, Kagome!” the ookami retorted, retaliating with an overhead smash which left a small crater in the earth.  “He’s nothing more than a rabid dog that needs to be put down!”

 

“It was a mistake to let you live this long, bastard!” 

 

“Heh.  The mistake was mutual.  I didn’t kill you back then because Kagome obviously cares about you.  She cares about me too, Inu-kurro.  Not that you give a damn what she thinks!” 

 

“Shut the fuck up!” Inuyasha bellowed, lashing out wildly and missing badly as Kouga retreated a few paces.  The battle came to a brief pause as the adversaries sized each other up. 

 

“Oh, did I strike a nerve?” Kouga sneered.  “Take a good look at Kagome, you ingrate.  She’s put up with a lot of shit for you, and now you completely disregard her feelings?  She doesn’t just fear for our lives.  She’s _afraid_ of what you’ve become.” 

 

Kagome felt Inuyasha’s eyes on her, pleading for a response.  She opened her mouth to deny Kouga’s assertion, but her words died on her lips.  She couldn’t bring herself to lie, not at this crucial moment, when lives hung in the balance.  In the end, all she could do was close her eyes and hang her head in shame. 

 

“There.  You see, Inu-kurro?” Kouga asked, appearing to take little enjoyment from this despite his psychological victory.  “You’ve become something your friends don’t even recognize anymore.”

 

Inuyasha tilted his head down so his bangs covered his eyes, his body pulsing with rage.  His ominous demeanor reminded Kagome very much of the time he had fought with Sesshoumaru after battling Kaijinbou, the swordsmith who forged Toukijin.  He would have transformed and attacked his half-brother that day if not for Totosai’s intervention.  This time when a gust of wind revealed one of his eyes, it was still golden, though flecked with highlights of hateful crimson. 

 

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, you lowlife piece of scum.  I’m still Inuyasha.  And I’m finally going to do something I should have done a long time ago!” 

 

“Osuwari!” 

 

Inuyasha’s lunge ended with a faceplant, courtesy of the subduing spell.  Instead of cursing the rosary as he usually did, he pushed off the ground and strained against the spell, his teeth bared as he glared daggers at his intended victim. 

 

“Please run, Kouga-kun!  Get away from here!” 

 

“Can’t do that, Kagome.  Not with him like this.  I don’t trust him not to hurt you.” 

 

“Please, Kouga-kun!  I can’t—osuwari!  Osuwari!  Osuwari!  Osuwari!” 

 

She continued to shout the command until Inuyasha stopped fighting the spell, and simply lay bonelessly where he had fallen.  By then she was sobbing, her vision blurred by tears which leaked forth and traced pitiful paths down her cheeks.  She was about to plead once more with Kouga to flee when her tongue was stilled by a sound more dreadful, more terrifying than any she had ever experienced. 

 

Inuyasha was laughing.  Lying face down in the dirt, his voice rose in volume until the sinister cackle reverberated through Kagome’s very soul.  His body began to pulse again, in time with his heartbeat and then faster, until his youki seemed to pour forth from his very being, surging around him like a giant flame.  He rose slowly to his feet, head down, eyes hidden. 

 

“You think being a full-youkai is a ‘mindset,’ Kouga?” he stated softly, voice dripping with amusement.  “Don’t make me laugh.  Let me show you the true power of an inu-youkai!” 

 

His youki intensified, whirling like a vortex, whipping his robes and tossing his hair into the air behind him.  As the winds picked up, an ominous purple glow began to form around him, a haze of barely repressed power.  Kagome gasped, the scene drawing to mind memories of a battle long ago, inside the massive skeleton of Inuyasha’s father.  _No…it can’t be!  He can’t possibly—_   Then it occurred to her.  Inuyasha was a full-youkai now.  Why couldn’t he do everything any other powerful full-youkai could do? 

 

When he raised his head, his eyes were the color of blood. 

 

What happened next shook Kagome to her very core.  She watched in horror as Inuyasha’s snout elongated, his skin taking on the texture of fur.  The rest of his transformation was hidden from view, as a tremendous explosion of youki kicked up a cloud of dust which forced everyone to cover their eyes.  But when the dust cleared, what stood before her was no longer the Inuyasha she knew.  In its place loomed a monster.  He was not as large as Sesshoumaru had been, and his appearance was not as majestic.  His lacked his half-brother’s regal mane, and his fur was matted or discolored in places, all likely consequences of this being his first transformation.  But despite the imperfections, he possessed the same thirst for blood, the same unyielding, ruthless desire to tear his enemy limb from limb.  His eyes, utterly inhuman, locked onto his intended prey, and he let loose a low, threatening snarl. 

 

To his credit, Kouga hid his fear well, so well that Kagome could almost believe that he wasn’t afraid.  But how could anyone stare into those piercing eyes and not collapse into an incontinent puddle of goo?  Inuyasha wasn’t even looking at her, and she was on the verge of panic, her heart threatening to burst from her chest.  Kouga seemed prepared to continue the fight, but Kagome couldn’t let that happen, not when she still had a trump card, albeit one which might earn her Inuyasha’s ire.  The rosary was stretched around his neck, digging into the fur, only its formidable magic preventing the string from snapping under the strain.  She wasn’t sure if it would survive this, but she had to try. 

 

“Osuwari!” 

 

The spell pulled him down, but not completely.  The muscles in his front legs bulged, straining against the magic as he growled in her direction.  It sounded to Kagome like an expression of frustration and annoyance, rather than a threat, but she couldn’t be sure. 

 

“Don’t, Kagome!” Kouga yelled.  “Let him come.  He’s made himself bigger, but also slower and stupider.  This will be easy!” 

 

How could that be?  She couldn’t let this happen! 

 

“Osuwari!” 

 

This time Inuyasha allowed himself to be dragged down, but stopped himself short of the ground.  His growl built in his chest and exploded into a triumphant roar as he lurched upward and finally shattered the rosary into dozens of pieces which flew in all directions.  One of the beads landed at Kagome’s feet, as if rebuking her for her foolishness.  Inuyasha drew himself to his full height, glanced at her as if to ridicule her efforts, and then leapt at Kouga with intent to kill. 

 

Still in shock, Kagome’s warning shout to the ookami came out as a garbled groan.  But it soon became clear that she needn’t have worried.  Perhaps Kouga hadn’t been bluffing when he stated that Inuyasha would be easier to deal with now.  The inu was certainly more imposing in this form, but slower and stupider as Kouga predicted, and the ookami was literally running circles around him.  He didn’t attack; instead he merely dodged all of Inuyasha’s attempts, appearing to enjoy frustrating the hell out of his dimwitted rival. 

 

Perhaps he was enjoying it too much.  A single miscalculation nearly cost him his head.  He ducked at the last instant, and Inuyasha’s jaws snapped shut directly above him.  Then Kouga was running for his life, a ravenous inu-youkai hot on his heels.  No amount of weaving or juking would shake his pursuer, now that he had lost the initiative.  It was at this point that Kagome decided to intervene.  This was probably the dumbest thing she’d ever done, but the alternative was watching Kouga be ripped to shreds before her eyes.  What choice did she have? 

 

She ran forward, opening her mouth to plead with Inuyasha in a desperate appeal to the reasonable man hopefully cowering deep within.  But before she could release her voice, Kouga unknowingly turned to sprint directly toward her.  His eyes widened as he barreled at her at breakneck speed—literally, since a collision might break her neck.  He dug his foot into the ground and darted off at a ninety-degree angle, obviously expecting Inuyasha to follow.  But the inu had apparently been too focused on his prey to notice the newcomer, and had chosen exactly the wrong moment to lunge.  Kagome skidded to a halt, even as her brain came to the sobering conclusion that Inuyasha was not going to be able to stop himself in time.  With Kouga’s momentum now carrying him away from her, there was no one in position to come to her rescue either.  This was going to hurt.  A lot. 

 

A profound feeling of weightlessness came over her, and it took her a moment to realize that it was not because she had been knocked senseless.  Something was carrying her into the air, holding her aloft by the back of her blouse. 

 

“Kirara!” she cried out in relief and gratitude, thankful for the fire-cat’s quick thinking.  Kirara had already been transformed into her larger form, and to make it in time she must have taken off as soon as she saw her running toward the battle.  The feline released a somewhat exasperated purr, as if to say ‘yeah, I’ve got you, dummy.’  Kagome reached back and rubbed her neck before returning her attention to the two males now squaring off below her.  

 

The complexion of the battle had changed dramatically.  Inuyasha seemed subdued, facing Kouga in a crouched posture, his tail lowered behind him.  His ears were pinned back, his nose wrinkled, exposing his teeth as a low growl reverberated in his throat.  Kouga, on the other hand, had his fists clenched tightly at his sides, his entire body shaking with rage. 

 

“You fucking moron,” he snarled venomously.  “I knew you were stupid, Inu-kurro, but this takes it.  You could have _killed_ her!  All of you stay back!” he spat to the spectators.  “I’m ending this.” 

 

Kouga charged, and Inuyasha followed suit.  The ensuing melee was pure brutality.  Kouga went on the offensive, landing powerful blows to Inuyasha’s legs and torso.  The inu managed to swat the ookami with his paws a couple times, but they were only glancing blows.  Fueled by his fury, Kouga kept coming, slowly battering his enemy into submission.  Finally a well-placed strike to Inuyasha’s foreleg joint caused the inu to pitch forward, bringing his vulnerable head right into Kouga’s wheelhouse.  The ookami released a vicious cry as he threw his whole body into a tremendously powerful kick, one which sent Inuyasha reeling back several meters.  He collapsed onto his side, tried futilely to rise, and then his eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed once more, remaining still. 

 

“Inuyasha!” 

 

It seemed to take ages for Kirara to descend.  She finally landed near Kouga, several meters away from the prone body of the inu-youkai.  The ookami moved to stop her from running over to Inuyasha, but his efforts proved unnecessary.  Kagome stared at his limp form, her eyes wide and shining with tears, but she did not move any closer. 

 

“Is he…” she finally whispered, on the verge of a breakdown, despite her obvious reservations. 

 

Kouga sighed.  “No, I didn’t kill him.  He’ll wake up eventually.  I should kill him though.  I meant it when I said he’s a rabid dog.  You don’t coddle a rabid dog.  You put it down,” he finished, sounding deadly serious, but also resigned to the fact that his proposal would probably not be accepted. 

 

“No, we can’t…please,” Kagome begged, grabbing his arm.  If Kouga truly desired to end Inuyasha’s life, she wondered if she or any of her friends would be able to stop him.  Fortunately the ookami merely smiled sadly, having known all along what her response would be. 

 

“It’s all right, Kagome.  I respect your wishes.  That’s why you tried to subdue him, isn’t it?  Because you knew I wouldn’t take a cheap shot while he was pinned?” 

 

Kagome didn’t agree, but she didn’t deny it either.  Kouga sighed again. 

 

“I suppose I can’t fault you for your loyalty.  It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you, after all,” he told her with a forced grin, one which utterly failed to reach his eyes.  Seeking to drive away even a little of the sadness held within those normally bright depths, Kagome wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.  For a fleeting moment she wished she could return Kouga’s feelings, if only so he would be happy.  But she couldn’t control who she loved any more than Kouga could.  Nevertheless, she felt some of the tension drain from his body as he lightly wrapped his arms around her, and when she pulled away, his eyes were brighter, more full of life.  The sadness was still present, but it warmed her heart to see some of his old spark back. 

 

“Thank you, Kouga-kun.  For everything.” 

 

“Bah,” he brushed her off, glancing away in embarrassment.  Kagome grinned at the sight.  Inuyasha and Kouga really were more alike than they realized.  _At least, they used to be…_   Her mood wilted as quickly as it had bloomed. 

 

“Kagome,” Kouga stated, serious once more.  “I really don’t like you staying with him.  Let me take you back to my den, at least until he calms down.” 

 

Kagome could tell that Kouga’s heart was in the right place, and that he didn’t expect anything from her in return, but she still couldn’t accept his proposal. 

 

“I can’t, Kouga-kun.  If Inuyasha wakes up and finds that I’ve gone with you, the last thing he’ll do is calm down.  The two of you will fight again, and…I don’t think I can stand watching another battle between two people I care about.” 

 

Kouga grimaced, seeing her point and obviously not liking it.  She tried to reassure him. 

 

“You don’t need to worry about me, Kouga-kun.  Inuyasha might not be the same as he used to be.  He might be more violent or cruel.  But I know in my heart that he will never hurt me or my friends.  I’m sorry, I wish it weren’t so, but…you’re the only one in danger here.” 

 

“I was never in any danger,” Kouga replied with a genuine smirk this time.  Kagome chuckled and shook her head at his antics, but her mirth abruptly died when Kouga grabbed both of her hands and stared into her eyes with a serious expression.    


“Promise me that you’ll come find me if Inu-ku—if he starts to mistreat you.  You won’t have to look far.  The protection of the wolf-youkai tribe is never far away.” 

 

Kagome felt her eyes tearing up again at Kouga’s heartfelt vow.  She assumed he meant that he would always have one of his underlings follow them at a safe distance.  She thought about advising him to make sure his pack mates didn’t get too close, but decided against it.  Kouga was smart enough to understand the danger posed by a volatile inu-youkai, and instruct his pack mates accordingly.  He was also incredibly sweet.  Not knowing how to thank him, she stood on her tiptoes and placed a tender kiss upon his cheek.  Kouga wore a goofy little smile for a moment as his face darkened, and he pulled away from her, turning around and rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.  He tilted his head to the sky and let loose a sound which was half sigh, half groan. 

 

“That idiot Inuyasha is a lucky guy,” he observed wistfully.  “If he ever pulls his head out of his own ass, that is.”  A jealous glance at said idiot had Kouga barking in laughter.  “Speaking of his ass…”

 

If she had taken a moment to analyze Kouga’s words, Kagome might not have followed the direction of his gaze so quickly.  But unfortunately, her eyes were quicker than her brain, which resulted in her staring directly at Inuyasha’s backside.  His very naked backside.  His very naked backside _after_ his transformation had reversed itself sometime during his unconsciousness.  Rational thought slowed to a trickle, the sluggish drip of water through a leaky spout.  _Um…er…uh…look…away?  Um…_

 

Kouga’s renewed laughter shattered her stupor, and she spun around nearly fast enough to throw herself off balance, clapping her hands over her flaming cheeks.  That was a sight which was going to be forever burned into her memory, and a rather influential part of her wasn’t disappointed by the revelation.  She blushed harder. 

 

“What a moron,” Kouga declared, still chuckling.  “There’s a way to make your clothing disappear when you transform and then reappear on your body when you come out of it, but this idiot obviously hasn’t figured it out yet!” 

 

Kagome didn’t dare to respond, wary of revealing more than she intended.  The last thing she wanted to do was throw her physical attraction to Inuyasha in Kouga’s face.  Fortunately, the ookami seemed too caught up in his own mirth to notice her discomfiture.  By the time he finally calmed down, Kagome too had gotten herself mostly under control, though her cheeks still felt fairly warm. 

 

“All right, Kagome, I’m heading out.  Remember your promise.” 

 

“I will, Kouga-kun.  Thank you again.” 

 

“See ya!” 

 

With that, he vanished over the horizon as quickly as he’d come.  Kagome exhaled slowly and slumped in relief.  For a while there, she honestly hadn’t been sure that both Kouga and Inuyasha would live to see sundown.  Inuyasha probably wouldn’t actually ‘see’ the sun set though.  She decided to check on his condition until she remembered his _other_ condition and froze, momentarily caught between a rock and a hard place.  The ‘hard place’ being his firm backside.  _Gah!_  

 

“Would you like me to cover him, Kagome-sama?” Miroku teased, ambling up to her with Inuyasha’s robes in hand.  Kagome was relieved to see that they hadn’t ripped during his transformation; he had apparently shed the garments as his body transitioned from one form to the next.  Once he was properly covered, his robes laid over him like a blanket, she checked on him and confirmed Kouga’s statement.  Inuyasha was seriously concussed—that kick had been delivered with bone-shattering force, and probably had in fact cracked his skull—but he would recover quickly due to his youkai blood.  He would likely wake up during the night or sometime the next morning. 

 

Overall, considering how dire things looked at one point, the day couldn’t have ended much better.  Inuyasha and Kouga hadn’t killed each other, and she had rediscovered the wonderful friend she had in the ookami.  It was something she would have to hold close to her heart, in order to make it through the trying days ahead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – So that was interesting. I can’t say I ever imagined writing an Inuyasha full-youkai transformation quite like that. I kind of combined what you see in the anime and the manga, in terms of Sesshoumaru’s transformation. The manga is pretty sparse on details, and I like some of the anime’s interpretation (basically everything except him transforming into a plume of pink smoke and doing zig-zags in the air). So yeah, no pink smoke-trail for Inuyasha. Thank you, creative license.


	4. Breaking Point

“Oof!  Damn it all!” Kagome swore as she stumbled over an uneven rut in the road. 

 

Her friends glanced at her, but no one commented on her uncharacteristic display of profanity.  They all understood her frustration; every one of them felt it themselves. 

 

It had been five days since Inuyasha’s confrontation with Kouga, five days which seemed at least two or three times as many.  The inu-youkai’s behavior had much to do with that.  Inuyasha had become, in essence, the worst kind of petulant teenager.  He had always been immature to some extent, a consequence of growing up with a glaring lack of positive adult role models after his mother’s death.  He had been just a boy in a man’s body back when they first met.  Lately she increasingly felt that his emotional maturity was finally catching up to the rest of him.  Before he became a full-youkai, that is.  Now, he was worse than ever.  They literally couldn’t say anything without him taking it as a criticism and turning it around on them.  So eventually his friends stopped trying, which he probably also took as a sign of contempt.  They really couldn’t win. 

 

Two other factors also contributed to his appallingly bad mood.  Losing to Kouga obviously rankled deeply, but Kagome believed that he also held a grudge against them, and especially her in particular, for not coming more assuredly to his defense.  None of them had denied Kouga’s assertion that Inuyasha’s transformation had changed him for the worse, which he no doubt viewed as a bitter betrayal.  His beloved Tetsusaiga had also stopped working for him since that day, remaining in its dormant state no matter how many times he tried to transform it.  A more mature individual might consider these two ‘betrayals’ carefully and at least contemplate looking inwardly for the true source of the problem, but Inuyasha was clearly in no state of mind to do any such thing. 

 

Really, the only thing which made him happy these days was the destruction of the rosary.  Half the time Kagome talked to him, she could see the sense of amused triumph in his eyes as he silently gloated at her.  As though she had taken some sort of sadistic pleasure in subduing him, and the fact that she could no longer do it was supposed to irritate her to no end.  It had initially surprised her to find the exact opposite to be true.  Part of her was relieved to no longer hold such power over him.  The rest of her was concerned, but only because it would make it much harder to get her way on certain issues.  Her freedom was definitely in jeopardy.  And while she would never meekly allow Inuyasha to dictate what she did with her life, it had been reassuring to know that she had a way to prevent him from physically restricting her freedom.  Now her trump card was gone, and the much stronger inu-youkai held the advantage.  Perhaps this wouldn’t have been such an issue if he was still a hanyou; he would have bitched and moaned about her going home, but they would have compromised in the end.  In his current volatile mental state, however, she honestly wasn’t sure what his response would be.  He might outright refuse to let her leave, and also refuse to budge a centimeter from that position. 

 

It was sure to be an unpleasant confrontation, but one which they needed to have, and soon.  She had an important test coming up in a little over a week, and they needed to start to head back within the next couple days if she was going to make it in time.  _Tonight…I’ll bring it up tonight._  

 

Later that evening, Kagome gathered her resolve as she ate, hoping a full belly would make Inuyasha more amiable.  But before any of them had finished their meal, a ghostly serpent glided through the air above them, effectively throwing all of Kagome’s plans into the fire.  She stifled a sigh and tried to affect a neutral expression, prepared to let him leave before she allowed her emotions to show.  She had vowed long ago not to step between Inuyasha and Kikyou, and his transformation didn’t change that.  She did wonder if it would change Kikyou’s opinion of him, but that was their problem, not hers. 

 

The next several minutes passed by at a snail’s pace, as all eyes turned to Inuyasha.  To their surprise, he made no move to depart, and continued to devour his food as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.  When he was finished, he settled against a nearby tree and closed his eyes, tucking his hands into his sleeves, the picture of quiet contentment.  All the while the shinidamachu continued to circle overhead, casting their eerie glow across the campsite.  Finally Kagome could take the suspense no more. 

 

“Inuyasha?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You know…that Kikyou is calling you, right?”

 

“So?”

 

“So?” she repeated, utterly flabbergasted.  _I can’t believe I’m going to say this._   “Aren’t you going to see her?” 

 

At this he finally opened his eyes to glare at her.  “Yeah, and probably get the cold shoulder when I come back, right?”  When no one denied it, he scoffed.  “That’s what I thought.  No thanks.  If Kikyou wants to see me, she can come here.  It’s not like we do anything that we need privacy for,” he snarled bitterly, “contrary to what you people like to think.” 

 

Kagome gritted her teeth at the insinuation.  _There’s that ‘you people’ again.  He’s talking like he’s never given us any reason to be suspicious of him or Kikyou._   Which was of course completely ridiculous.  This self-righteous, ‘me against the world’ attitude of his was getting old fast.  _If it ever truly is ‘Inuyasha against the world,’ it will only be because he’s alienated everyone who cares about him._   She could reflect gloomily on how he was increasing making that prediction a reality, but she had bigger concerns at the moment.  She usually dreaded their encounters with Kikyou because she knew what would happen: Inuyasha would leave, she would get angry, and they wouldn’t be on speaking terms for a day or two.  Rinse and repeat.  Here, however, she had no idea what would come of Inuyasha’s refusal to go to Kikyou, or the dead miko’s eventual appearance here in camp.  A cold knot of fear settled in Kagome’s gut.  Whatever was about to happen, she was fairly certain it would not be good. 

 

Kikyou seemed visibly annoyed when she finally strode into camp some time later, which was really saying something for the normally stoic miko, even if the emotional display was subtle at best.  She waited a few moments for Inuyasha to acknowledge her presence, but the inu-youkai only ignored her. 

 

“Inuyasha,” she ground out, “what is the meaning of—”

 

They knew why she cut herself off, why her eyes widened in shock.  Kagome felt her reiki in the air around them, probing, confirming what her eyes had already determined.  When she spoke, her voice seemed subdued, but her eyes glowed with cold fire. 

 

“When did this happen?” 

 

“About twelve days ago,” Inuyasha replied quietly, gazing into the campfire’s dancing flames. 

 

“I see,” Kikyou stated through clenched teeth.  “Is that the reason why you did not heed my summons?” she asked, shooting Kagome a withering glare.  “Surely it would have been better to discuss this in private.” 

 

“Don’t blame Kagome, Kikyou,” Inuyasha told her firmly, surprising the younger miko.  “She actually told me to go see you.  And there’s nothing to discuss,” he declared, his bright, piercing eyes at last meeting Kikyou’s gaze.  “I’ve finally become a full-fledged youkai.  I’m never going back.” 

 

“I see,” Kikyou said again, her tone carrying decidedly more bite this time.  “And here I was under the impression that you had given up such childish desires long ago.” 

 

“Well, you were wrong,” Inuyasha snapped, rising to his feet in response to the challenge.  “And it’s not childish to seek to better yourself.” 

 

“Better?  When I look at you, I see a changed man.  Not a better one.” 

 

“Then you must be going blind.”  Inu-youkai and miko stared at each other for a few seconds, neither backing down.  “Keh, this is stupid,” Inuyasha finally declared, breaking the tension.  “Why did you seek me out?” 

 

Kikyou seemed taken aback by his bluntness.  “I came here to inquire as to your well-being and to ask if you had any leads on finding Naraku.” 

 

“Well, as you can see I’m just fine, and we don’t know shit about where that bastard Naraku is hiding.  Sorry to disappoint you, on both fronts apparently.” 

 

“Inuyasha!  You have never spoken to me this way.  I do not care for it.” 

 

“Keh,” he muttered, sounding somewhat contrite.  “This is who I am, Kikyou.  I’m not the same insecure hanyou I once was.  You and everyone else will just have to get used to it.” 

 

Kikyou stared at him for several long moments, then glanced around the campsite, meeting everyone’s eyes in turn.  Then she turned back to Inuyasha, cracking a smile which held no amusement whatsoever. 

 

“So this is how it’s going to be.  Inuyasha becomes a new man, and forsakes all of his promises and the people he previously cared for.” 

 

“I haven’t forsaken anyone,” the inu-youkai retorted.  “And what ‘promise’ did I break?” 

 

“At one time you were prepared to journey with me to the afterlife.” 

 

“That’s true, at one time I was.  But I never promised you I would.”  After he spoke these words, his tone lowered, and he continued almost gently.  “I didn’t betray you, Kikyou.  I’m sorry for what happened fifty years ago, but I don’t owe you my life.” 

 

“Hmph, and what of your promise of protection?” 

 

“I did make that vow, and I intend to keep it.  I’ll slay Naraku and protect you if I can, Kikyou.  But that’s all there is between us.  I’m sorry.” 

 

Kikyou met his gaze in silence for a long time, finally glancing away with a sad smile. 

 

“I am sorry too, then.  I had hoped that you would remember our past more fondly.  Did we not love, Inuyasha?” 

 

“We did,” he answered sadly.  “But you loved me for my human half, Kikyou.  That part of me is gone now, and it’s never coming back.  It’s been nothing but trouble for me since the day I was born.  Youkai have tried to kill me countless times because of it.  My own half-brother left me to die in the wilderness as a kid, all because my human blood made me ‘unworthy’ of his protection.  And later, just when I thought I’d finally found happiness, I wound up broken-hearted and sealed to a tree for fifty years because of it.  I’m sick of humanity.  Now I’ve become a full-fledged youkai, and I’m still myself.  It’s the best of both worlds.  I hope you can accept my decision.” 

 

No one doubted the sincerity of Inuyasha’s words, but his tone held a noticeable edge.  If Kikyou—or anyone else for that matter—refused to accept his decision, it would not change his mind.  It would likely only ruin his relationship with that person, a fact which Kikyou seemed to understand well.  She turned to depart, but paused, speaking softly but loud enough for everyone to hear. 

 

“I suppose I can understand why becoming a full-fledged youkai appealed to you.  I merely hope that you truly remain the Inuyasha I once knew.  I would advise you to let those who travel with you each day be the judges of that.” 

 

Kikyou locked eyes with Kagome for a moment, her exact message unclear to the younger miko.  Was that jealousy in her ardent gaze, or pity, or a silent entreaty to care for Inuyasha as she could not?  Perhaps it was a combination of all three.  In any case, Kikyou soon turned away, striding into the forest from whence she came with her head held high, her shinidamachu trailing along behind her. 

 

Inuyasha stared after her until the glow of her serpentine servants faded from sight, then settled in his previous position against the tree.  He closed his eyes and shoved his hands into his sleeves once more, a clear signal that he didn’t want to talk to anyone.  Kagome slowly released the breath she’d been holding.  That encounter had not been nearly as disastrous as she anticipated.  _Only because Kikyou backed down_.  If the dead miko had refused to accept Inuyasha’s new form, and had insisted that he find a way to change back into a hanyou—or worse yet, a human—then Kagome was sure the fireworks would still be going on.  Instead Kikyou had essentially given up, and not just concerning his status as a full-youkai. 

 

‘I’m sorry for what happened fifty years ago, but I don’t owe you my life.’

 

‘I’ll slay Naraku and protect you if I can, Kikyou.  But that’s all there is between us.’

 

Those words should have caused her heart to soar, but she took no joy in them.  She would like to believe that it was because she was a good person, and did not enjoy the suffering of others, even those who had wronged her in the past.  While that was surely part of it, she knew the real reason her heart still remained heavy within her chest.  Inuyasha had finally told Kikyou that the two of them had no future together.  Once, that would have indicated to Kagome that the hanyou returned _her_ feelings, and had chosen to be with her.  It no longer held such a meaning.  If the inu-youkai had drifted away from Kikyou, then he had also drifted away from her reincarnation.  Kagome simply had no idea what his intentions for their relationship were, if he even had any.  Worse yet, her own feelings were equally murky.  Was the Inuyasha sitting before her still the man she had fallen in love with?  Could she still love him as he was now? 

 

If Kikyou did pity her, that crippling uncertainty was probably the reason.  For all of her faults, the older miko had certainly experienced more than her fair share of heartache.  _Kikyou, I think you wanted me to take care of Inuyasha, but…I’m not sure I can._  

 

* * *

 

The encounter with Kikyou brought about a positive change in Inuyasha’s behavior.  He stopped being so confrontational and was generally more pleasant to be around, despite his spirits being somewhat subdued.  In consideration for his lingering melancholy, Kagome decided to put off the discussion about her going home for another night.  That was a mistake.  The following morning revealed his cooler disposition to be a one-day phenomenon; he was back to ‘petulant teenager’ mode from the moment he rudely woke everyone before dawn declaring that they had a lot of ground to cover today.  Even though they still had no leads on finding Naraku, and no particular destination in mind.  Needless to say, by that evening, Kagome’s own mood was more than a little sour.  After dinner, she would tell Inuyasha she needed to go home.  And she would _not_ be asking for his permission either.  She was officially done tiptoeing around him and his moods. 

 

If Inuyasha sensed that something was up, he didn’t mention it.  They camped near a stream so he could catch some fish for dinner.  He nabbed eight in total, one for each of the six members of the group plus two extra.  It was obvious to everyone that those extra fish were his.  Everyone except the young fox, that is, who eyed the last fish hungrily and was not pleased when the inu-youkai grabbed it. 

 

“Hey, that’s mine!” 

 

“Keh.  Why the hell would I catch you two fish?” 

 

“It’s not fair!  You already had two and I’m still hungry.” 

 

“So?  Go catch another one yourself then.”

 

At this Shippou leapt at Inuyasha, obviously seeking to take a massive bite out of the disputed fish.  But the inu-youkai twisted his hand at the last instant, and all the kit managed to clamp down on was his opponent’s wrist.  Now, the penetration of Shippou’s teeth must have felt like a few mosquito bites to Inuyasha.  But instead of casually swatting the kit away as everyone expected, he formed a fist with his free hand and smashed it down knuckles-first on the top of Shippou’s skull.  Hard.  The kit went limp, falling into Inuyasha’s lap, where we was promptly picked up by the tail and unceremoniously deposited in his previous spot by the campfire. 

 

Kagome drew in a rapid breath as a surge of blood rushed through her, sending tingles to all of her extremities.  Shippou curled in on himself, holding his hands to his head with his eyes screwed tightly shut.  And when she heard the soft sounds of his sobs, and saw the tears streaming down his cheeks, Kagome saw red. 

 

She was on her feet before she knew what was happening, storming around the campfire like a raging hurricane.  Inuyasha watched her in stunned silence as she stomped up to him, smacking the fish out of his hand so hard that it flew through the air, landing in the bushes several meters away.  Then she balled her hands into fists at her sides, her teeth grinding together audibly as her fury-addled brain struggled for words. 

 

“You…you…you big jerk!” 

 

She grimaced inwardly at the lame insult, wishing for Inuyasha’s more colorful vocabulary.  But the inu-youkai was not amused, not one bit.  He rose to his feet, towering over her, but she glared right back at him, not ceding even a millimeter. 

 

“What the hell is your problem, bitch?” 

 

“My problem?  My _problem?!_   Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that you just hit Shippou-chan really hard for no reason!” 

 

“Keh.  He shouldn’t have tried to take my fish.” 

 

“You…you immature _ass!_ ” Kagome roared, practically shaking with rage.  “That’s no reason to _punch_ a _child!_ ” 

 

“You baby him too much, wench.  You ain’t his mother.”

 

“Maybe not, but I _am_ his friend, which is more than I can say about you!” 

 

“Oh, that’s rich!” Inuyasha declared, throwing his hands up in frustration.  “I provide food and protection for the little runt, yet somehow I’m not _worthy_ of being considered his friend?”

 

“Inuyasha,” Kagome replied, gritting her teeth in an effort to retain some semblance of calm as she explained what should have been obvious.  “Just because you take care of someone doesn’t give you the right to _abuse_ them.  Or are you going to hit me too the next time I say or do something you don’t like?” 

 

“I’d never hit you, and you damn well know it.” 

 

“Oh, really?  I’m don’t think I do!” 

 

Kagome gasped, realizing the frightening truth of that statement even as she uttered the words.  She had always known, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Inuyasha would never hurt her physically.  Was that really not true anymore?  _Oh, Kami…_  

 

Inuyasha seemed to realize the significance of her declaration as well.  He stared at her, his jaw flapping, temporarily at a loss for words.  His eyes were guarded, his soul walled away from her, but there was just a hint of pleading in his gaze.  It was this which Kagome tried to reach. 

 

“You keep telling everyone that you’re ‘still Inuyasha.’  I want to believe that, but…I can’t.  Inuyasha, you’re _not_ the same as you were.  You’ve changed, and not for the better.  Please, stop driving us away.  We’re your friends, and we care about you.” 

 

For a moment she thought she had gotten through to him.  Then his eyes hardened, and his lips twisted into a sneer. 

 

“I get it.  So this is your version of ‘friendship.’  I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.  Friends don’t collar each other like _dogs_ and punish them whenever the hell they feel like it.  Friends _believe_ each other when one of them swears the others’ suspicions aren’t true.  And friends don’t _fear_ each other when one of them changes!” 

 

“We don’t fear the full-youkai you’ve become,” Kagome answered firmly.  “We fear the _person_ it’s made you into.” 

 

“Save it.  I don’t need ‘friends’ like you.  Go home.  I’ll kill Naraku and destroy the jewel myself.” 

 

With that, he turned and stalked off into the night.  Sudden panic overtook Kagome as she watched him walk away, causing her knees to buckle.  His words held a terrifying note of finality, as though he never intended to see any of them ever again. 

 

“Inuyasha, wait!” 

 

She wasn’t sure if he was going to stop.  Her heart started beating again when he did, right at the edge of the clearing, so the campfire’s glow cast him in almost sinister shadow.  He did not turn around to face her, nor did he speak. 

 

“I…” she hedged, struggling to find her voice.   “Don’t leave, Inuyasha,” she pleaded, hating herself for sounding so desperate.  “We all care about you.  Let us help you.” 

 

“Keh.  By helping me change back into a hanyou, right?  Forget it.  I don’t need that kind of help.” 

 

“But I…”

 

When she didn’t continue for several moments, Inuyasha turned around to demand what the hell she wanted now.  His words died on his tongue.  Kagome’s head was down, her eyes hidden by her bangs.  She bit her lower lip, nearly hard enough to draw blood, as her hands twisted nervously in front of her.  Finally she looked up, just enough to peer at him through her lashes. 

 

“I…I fell in love with you as a hanyou.” 

 

Those words were spoken so softly that only someone with enhanced hearing would be able to decipher them.  Kagome watched as Inuyasha’s face shifted through a myriad of different expressions, some of which gave her hope, while others crushed it.  Finally he settled on a frightening neutrality, an utter indifference which chilled her blood. 

 

“This isn’t a fairy tale, Kagome.  There are no happy endings, no star-crossed lovers magically winding up together in the end.  This is real life, and real life sucks.  Go home, little girl.  Go home where you belong.” 

 

Kagome watched the man she loved walk out of her life, her heart shattering within her chest.  It was a miracle she didn’t break down on the spot; perhaps she was still in shock.  Once that wore off, the tears would come.  She suddenly felt the irrepressible urge to get out of here before that happened.  Home called out to her, the one place where love had always been unconditional. 

 

“Kirara, will you take me home please?” she asked, her voice startlingly devoid of emotion. 

 

“Kagome-chan,” Sango breathed, moving toward her.  Kagome stepped away, knowing that if she fell into the taijiya’s embrace, her fragile composure would shatter completely. 

 

“I’m okay, Sango-chan,” she lied.  “I just…”

 

“You don’t need to explain, Kagome-sama,” Miroku interjected.  “Take all the time you need.”  When Sango nodded her agreement, Kagome nearly lost it at their show of support. 

 

“Thanks, guys,” she managed, wiping away the first of many tears destined to escape this evening. 

 

“You will come back, won’t you, Kagome?” Shippou asked in a tiny voice.  She knelt by his side and took his hands, somehow conjuring a small, but warm smile. 

 

“Of course, Shippou-chan.  I’d miss you too much if I stayed away for long.” 

 

In the next instant the traumatized kit was plastered to her chest, balling his eyes out. 

 

“I’m sorry, Kagome!  I’m so, _so_ sorry!” 

 

His pitiful cries were enough to draw a few answering sobs from Kagome, though somehow she maintained control of herself. 

 

“It’s not your fault, Shippou-chan.  This was bound to happen.  There was nothing any of us could have done to prevent it.  Do you understand?” she asked, needing to make sure he forgave himself.  He nodded against her chest, some of the tension leaving his tiny body.  It would likely be some time before he stopped blaming himself, but with the support of his friends he would get through it.  She shared a meaningful look with Miroku and Sango, and knew she could count on them to take care of him.  Moments later, the taijiya took Shippou from her, blinking back a few tears of her own.  Even Miroku’s eyes appeared moist.  It was not a final goodbye, but everyone sensed that things would never be the same.  Yes, she would return to the Sengoku Jidai to visit them, but anything beyond that, such as completing the mission without their best and fiercest fighter…she just didn’t know. 

 

Kirara nuzzled the distraught fox kit from her place on Sango’s shoulder, then leapt down and transformed in a blaze of fire.  She waited until Kagome was securely settled on her back, then took to the skies, heading for the bone eater’s well.  Kagome lasted only a few seconds before burying her face in the fire-cat’s fur and weeping bitterly. 


	5. Divided

“Stupid Kagome,” Inuyasha growled as he stomped through the trees, the comforting glow of the campfire fading behind him.  “What the hell does she know?” 

 

‘Inuyasha, you’re _not_ the same as you were.  You’ve changed, and not for the better.’

 

“Bullshit,” he snapped.  “I’m still the same.  I just stopped taking crap from everyone, that’s all.” 

 

Kouga had found that out.  _And I’ll finish off the dumb bastard the next time I see him._   The next time he saw Sesshoumaru, he would teach the arrogant prick the error of his ways as well.  And as for Naraku…what he was going to do to the evil hanyou was unspeakable.  Thinking of the future should have been enough to make him forget about the ignorant things Kagome said.  But to his dismay, her voice continued to echo inside his skull. 

 

‘You keep telling everyone that you’re ‘still Inuyasha.’  I want to believe that, but…I can’t.’

 

“Keh.  Believe it, bitch.  Or don’t.  I don’t care either way.” 

 

‘Please, stop driving us away.  We’re your friends, and we care about you.’

 

“I didn’t drive them away.  They drove me away!”

 

As if to emphasize his point, Inuyasha set off at a run, putting even more distance between himself and the friends he’d left behind.  _Former friends,_ he reflected bitterly.  _They stopped being my friends the moment they couldn’t accept me becoming a full-fledged youkai._  

 

‘We don’t fear the full-youkai you’ve become.  We fear the _person_ it’s made you into.’ 

 

He growled in annoyance and quickened his pace.  Perhaps he was trying to outrun Kagome’s voice, or perhaps he was just working off his frustration.  Either way, it didn’t work.  Her words continued to plague him, a sickness he simply couldn’t shake.  They circled inside his head like vultures, never granting him a moment’s peace.  _Dammit!  What the fuck?  I shouldn’t have to deal with these weak human emotions anymore.  Leave me alone!  Or I’ll—_

 

‘Or are you going to hit me too the next time I say or do something you don’t like?’

 

Inuyasha gradually slowed to a stop, the voices in his head quieting at last.  But it was not a peaceful silence.  He frowned, that particular thread of memory bothering him more than any of the others. 

 

“That’s stupid,” he growled.  “I would never hurt her.  She’s an idiot for thinking I would.  Dumb girl.  Stupid, stupid girl.” 

 

The only thing more alarming than the audible uncertainty in his voice was the lump of guilt forming in his gut.  He scoffed.  What did he have to feel guilty for?  He told Kagome he wouldn’t hurt her, and he _hadn’t_ hurt her.  His hands were clean, and his conscience should be too.  He raised said hands and opened them, taking in the elongated claws and rough contours.  They seemed more vicious than he remembered, as he studied them in the moonlight, dappled by the forest canopy overhead.  _So what if my hands have changed?  Kagome is still stupid, and so are the others.  I would never hurt any of them!_

 

Although…that wasn’t entirely true, was it?  He cringed as he recalled the force with which he had struck Shippou, and the kit’s reaction afterward.  _Why…why did I hit Shippou like that?_   He hadn’t even been mad at the runt, just annoyed.  Yes, Shippou was being a pain in the ass, and the little shit had bitten his hand, but his response had not exactly been proportional to the offense.  _I’ve never hit Shippou that hard,_ he realized, his eyes losing focus for a moment.  _I could have really hurt him.  Why…why did I…_

 

He swayed on his feet for a moment, putting a hand to his temple and blinking a few times in rapid succession.  The sudden dizziness subsided, but did not abate completely.  He frowned, more than a little perplexed.  He had felt so powerful for the last half month, so in control, so assured that he was now what he was always meant to be.  He had finally realized his destiny, his goal ever since he’d first experienced the true cruelty of humans as an abandoned child.  In short, he’d felt invincible.  Even the debacle against Kouga he could dismiss as an outlier, a result of his inexperience in this form.  He would do much better next time.  So although the dizzy spell was somewhat disconcerting, he was prepared to brush it off as a one-time occurrence, and literally work off whatever ailed him.  It would be nice to really unfurl his wings after traveling with a bunch of slow-ass humans for the last half month. 

 

But before he could start running, an unexpected and powerful scent froze his feet to the ground and had him spinning in all directions searching for the source.  His chest tightened painfully, the same reaction he always experienced whenever he detected this particular aroma, especially when he was the cause.  But no matter where he looked, or in which direction he trained his sensitive ears, he could detect no sign of her. 

 

“Kagome?  Are you there, wench?!” he demanded irritably, as the scent of her tears continued to assault his nostrils.  There was no response.  _What the hell is going on?!_   Now that he took a moment to decipher the olfactory information, he was smelling her tears, but he could not detect any sign of her physical presence.  It was as though someone had dumped a jug of her tears at his feet.  _I must be losing my fucking mind…_

 

“Enough of this shit!” he growled, launching himself into a dead sprint.  He had no idea what was wrong with him, but he didn’t like it.  Every nerve in his body screamed at him to run, to flee from her oppressive presence.  Some additional distance between them would surely cure whatever plagued him.  It had to. 

 

A hulking oni lunged at him from behind a grove of trees, its grotesque arm reaching to grab him with bone-crushing force.  Inuyasha sidestepped and lashed out, his claws striking…nothing.  He stared at the empty space where the oni had been mere moments before, genuine fear coiling in his gut.  _But…it was just there!  Where did it go?_   And yet, there was no lingering scent, no broken tree branches or trampled underbrush.  Only the forest, dark and foreboding. 

 

“Damn it!” 

 

He took off again, faster this time, his legs pumping as though his very life depended on drawing upon every ounce of speed he possessed.  More enemies leapt at him, always without warning, but he managed to dodge them.  The forest itself seemed to close in around him; branches which he usually avoided effortlessly now scratching at his face, leaving thin marks which burned painfully as sweat from his brow dripped into them.  The salty liquid stung his eyes as well, but he scarcely dared to blink.  His breath came in ragged pants, all semblance of control now vanished as pure panic fueled his every move.  His grip on reality slowly weakened, until he could almost feel it slipping from his grasp.  _Kami, what is happening to me?_

 

He didn’t see the patch of swampy ground in time to avoid it, and it was far too late to slow his pace.  His feet slipped out from underneath him, sending him sprawling face-first into the mud.  His momentum caused him to skid along, further embedding himself in the soggy ground until finally he came to a stop.  He mustered the will to pull his face from the suffocating sludge, but anything else was beyond him, both physically and mentally.  He lay his cheek on the damp earth and closed his eyes.  For a moment he thought he had finally found some measure of peace.  But it was not to be.  A choked cry escaped his throat as the scent of her tears invaded his nose once again.  Then, like the ghostly articulations of a phantom, her voice drifted to him on the chilling breeze. 

 

‘Don’t leave, Inuyasha.  We all care about you.  Let us help you.’

 

“Please, stop,” he begged, his throat swelling as moisture gathered behind his eyelids.  To his surprise, Kagome’s voice did cease its damning recitations.  What followed, however, was far worse. 

 

‘This isn’t a fairy tale, Kagome.  There are no happy endings, no star-crossed lovers magically winding up together in the end.  This is real life, and real life sucks.  Go home, little girl.  Go home where you belong.’

 

Inuyasha’s entire body shuddered as he relived those words, his mouth filling with the sour taste of bile as he recalled their utterance.  His jaw clenched painfully hard, as though by keeping his cursed maw closed now he could somehow go back in time and unsay what had already been said.  _Did I really…did I really say that to Kagome?_

 

The answer broke him, the fragile levee holding back his despair bursting spectacularly.  No matter how hard he squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn’t hold back his tears or stop the sobs which wracked him in waves of repressed misery.  How did this happen?  How had his life led him here, to this patch of swamp in some random forest in the middle of nowhere?  How had his decisions culminated with him weeping in the mud, reduced to nothing more than a pitiful orphan longing for his mother’s embrace?  But there was no one to comfort him, no one to tell him that he was loved, that everything would be all right.  In those moments of soul-crushing sorrow, he felt that he truly understood Kagome’s pain. 

 

Eventually his tears dried up, and his sobs wound down to the occasional sniffle.  He had no idea how long he lay there, gazing at nothing, listening to nothing.  Finally the sounds of the night worked their way into his consciousness.  The chirping of crickets, the rustling of small creatures hunting for food, the hoot of an own in the distance.  The normalcy of the forest was a small relief; at least the shadows were no longer trying to kill him.  Or more accurately, his guilt-ridden imagination was no longer manifesting his self-loathing in such a way.  That was not to say that his remorse was any less palpable, or that he felt it any less strongly.  But at long last, he finally felt composed enough to pick himself off the ground. 

 

The mud clung to him stubbornly, but with a heave of his exhausted muscles he lurched free of its icy embrace.  He settled into a kneeling position and glanced around at his surroundings, finding nothing of interest.  There was a small pond off to his right, which was no surprise given the marshy ground.  He had never been here before, and would probably never return here again.  That thought brought him back to how he had wound up here in the first place.  He grimaced as he again recalled his terrible words, though he was able to maintain control of his emotions this time.  _Kagome’s right.  I really have changed.  I may be a full-fledged youkai now, but at the cost of becoming a heartless bastard._   His head swam once more, causing him to lean forward with both hands clutching at his temples, his eyes squeezed shut. 

 

Regaining consciousness was like waking from a deep sleep.  He momentarily lost all sense of self, and had no idea where he was.  Even when those memories returned, he could tell that something was different.  When he opened his eyes, he found the world slightly less vivid than he remembered.  The crickets were not as melodious, the panoply of scents not as rich.  Even the cold from the mud covering his hands felt somehow muted.  He wiped his right hand on his hakama and raised it to eye level, studying the contours which seemed less rugged than before.  They were not the hands he remembered from before that fateful day a half month ago, but they were encouragingly close.  For a few moments he dared to hope, as he stumbled toward the pond.  He was disappointed to find that his ears remained on the sides of his head, and the smooth purple markings still adorned his cheeks.  But his eyes seemed more familiar to him than they had in some time. 

 

He gasped aloud as he comprehended the direction of his thoughts.  _What was I hoping for?  That I had transformed back into a hanyou?  Why…isn’t becoming a full-fledged youkai what I’ve always wanted?_

 

_“You’re damn right it is.”_

 

He leapt to his feet at the sound of that voice, baring his fangs.  The newcomer seemed familiar, but he was torn between regarding it as a friend or a threat. 

 

“Who are you?” he snarled, frustrated that he couldn’t detect the other’s presence. 

 

_“Come now, surely you’re not that stupid.”_

 

It took him a few moments, but finally he came up with the correct answer. 

 

“You’re my youkai side.”

 

_“Congratulations.  You’re not a complete idiot.”_

 

“Oi, it’s not like you could ever talk before!  Usually you just try to kill everything in sight.” 

 

_“Heh.  That’s all in the past.  I’m a new youkai now.”_

 

Inuyasha was less than convinced, and his other self seemed to know it. 

 

 _“Look, I know I’ve been a bit of an…animal, in the past.  But I’m in control now._ We _are in control.”_

 

“Control?” he repeated incredulously.  “Is that what you call what just happened?  Me running for my life from _nothing_ and crying in the mud is _control_ to you?” 

 

His youkai side growled in annoyance.  _“That was just what’s left of your humanity getting all emotional on me.  Ignore him.  Just think of how incredible you’ve felt since you became a full-fledged youkai.  Haven’t you enjoyed it?  Being better and stronger than ever, not having anyone look down on you for being a half-breed?”_

 

He couldn’t deny that.  It had been wonderful, beyond his wildest fantasies.  That is, until he drove all of his friends away. 

 

_“You don’t need them.  They just slow you down.”_

 

Inuyasha frowned.  On one level, what his youkai side said was entirely true.  But he had come to see his friends as much more than just allies in battle.  He fought for them, so they might one day achieve their dreams, and he would die for any one of them.  Beyond all that, he recognized that they made him a better person. 

 

 _“Correction: they make you more human.  More weak.”_  

 

That was also true.  But still his heart resisted, holding at bay the constant pressure exerted on his mind.  He heard his other self sigh in exasperation. 

 

_“Look, I’m not saying we have to abandon them to their fate.  By all means, let’s hunt down that bastard Naraku.  He fucking deserves what’s coming to him.  If he’s immortal, we’ll just keep butchering him until he finally decides not to come back.  We’ll give the jewel to Kikyou and let her purify it.  Then she can go back to the afterlife in peace.  Miroku and Sango will be free to settle down and have that litter of kids they’ve been wanting, and Shippou can grow up in safety.  You will have accomplished everything you meant to.  Everything will be as it should be.”_

 

Inuyasha couldn’t deny the appeal of that proposal.  He would be a full-fledged youkai as he’d always desired, and all of the people he cared about would have the lives, or peaceful deaths, that they deserved.  _Almost everyone_ , he realized.  He couldn’t help but notice the one person his youkai side had failed to mention. 

 

_“Kagome will go back to her own time where she belongs.  She’ll be with her family, and will live a long and happy life.  How is that not the best thing for her?”_

 

Inuyasha found himself nodding subconsciously, succumbing to the truth of those words and the conviction in his other self’s voice.  Hadn’t he always known that Kagome would return to her own world eventually?  This way, she wouldn’t have to fight anymore.  She wouldn’t have to survive the final battle with Naraku, or any of the other adventures which tended to place her in mortal peril on a regular basis.  She could go back to being a normal schoolgirl, living with her family, having fun with her friends as she prepared for adult life in the modern era.  Eventually she would meet someone, get married and have children of her own.  This last thought sparked a pang of jealousy in his gut, but it did not shake his conviction that this was what was best for her.  He had no right to be jealous, anyway.  If Kagome went back to her own time, then he wouldn’t be able to break her heart anymore. 

 

‘I…I fell in love with you as a hanyou.’

 

That solitary thread of memory drew Inuyasha’s mind to a screeching halt.  For a few moments he simply stared straight ahead, as Kagome’s tiny, desperate voice echoed inside his skull, calling into question every belief, every assurance he’d previously contrived.  His youkai side’s voice, raised in irritation, shattered his stupor. 

 

_“Kagome is a naïve little girl.  In her time, she isn’t even an adult yet.  She only thinks she loves you.  When she grows up she’ll realize that it was just a childish affection.”_

 

He pondered that, turning it over in his head.  Could that really be true?  Logically it made sense.  Kagome was somewhat naïve, and she could be pretty immature at times.  He was probably the first boy she’d ever had any romantic interest in at all.  How the hell did she know what love was?  What was ‘love’ to her was likely just a childish affection, a misinterpretation of one’s feelings brought about by inexperience and frequent stressful situations.  In time she would realize this and move on.  He firmed his jaw, nodding resolutely.  He would send Kagome back to her own time.  He would leave this strange pseudo-existence, and wake up as a full-fledged youkai once more, in mind as well as body.  All would be as it should be. 

 

He had almost convinced himself of this, nearly surrendered to the comforting pressure of his youkai side.  Then her heartfelt words echoed inside his mind once more, the last offer of resistance before all opposition fell silent.  But it left an indelible impression nonetheless.  Another memory drifted into his consciousness, another heartfelt conversation from long ago.  Another smile, another look of love in her eyes.  He hadn’t comprehended it as love at the time, but he had understood that she cared for him deeply, and he for her.  More memories followed, circling around him faster and faster, until in his dizziness it all molded into one, a single overarching impression of the girl who meant more to him than any other.  How could he have doubted her for even a moment?  She showed her love to be genuine every single day, each time she leapt through the well into a land of hardship and danger.  She proved it each time she forgave him for hurting her, returning to him despite the certainty that he would end up hurting her again in the near future.  Her love was in every moment she was by his side, giving him a reason to press on, even if he didn’t comprehend it.  If only he had been able to see it sooner. 

 

 _“You really are pathetic, you know that?”_  

 

To Inuyasha’s alarm, his youkai side seemed more amused by his revelation than worried. 

 

_“Love?  Ha!  What a pitiful human emotion.  You don’t need love.  All you’ve ever needed is power, and now you have it.  The power to shape your own destiny, the power to take anything you want.  You’d have to be a complete fool to give that up for something as useless as ‘love.’”_

 

“You’re wrong,” Inuyasha ground out, a profound sense of warmth stirring within his chest.  New images appeared before him, a tantalizing glimpse of the future which could come to pass if he embraced Kagome’s love.  In that moment, he had never desired anything so strongly.   

 

“Kagome loves me, and I can’t—I _won’t_ abandon that.  Because…because I love her too.” 

 

_“Heh.  You always were an emotional fool.  Sorry, but I’m not going back to the way things were before.”_

 

At those words, Inuyasha finally realized the peril he was in, how closely the powerful presence of his other self pressed in on all sides.  He thought to resist, but it was too late.  His heart had wavered too much, given too much ground before his revelation. 

 

_“Just go to sleep, weakling.  The next time you wake up, Kagome will be gone for good.”_

 

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” he cried, even as his consciousness started to fade.  His youkai side laughed at him. 

 

_“Relax.  I won’t hurt her.  I’m just going to do what you should have done a long time ago.”_

 

Inuyasha slipped into blackness, the wicked cackle of his youkai side echoing in his ears.  He sent out a silent prayer, though what he was praying for, he didn’t know.  _Please, Kagome…_

 

* * *

 

Kagome exhaled exhaustedly, slumping bonelessly against the tree at her back.  Goshinboku’s branches loomed above her, as comforting as they ever were, though it felt like her entire being was still in turmoil.  She had stood in front of the bone eater’s well for a long time, heart warring with mind as she gazed into its black depths.  It was the middle of the night now, Kirara having in a few hours made the journey which would have taken several days on foot.  Kagome had honestly expected to be home in her bed by now, probably not sleeping, but at least safe and warm.  But as she stood there, gazing into the void which led to her world, she couldn’t help but feel that she would be making a terrible mistake. 

 

It was stupid, she knew.  Inuyasha had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want her help, and her heart still throbbed with pain from the wound he had inflicted.  She had not abandoned him; in fact the opposite was much closer to the truth.  So why couldn’t she convince herself that she had done everything in her power to help him?  Hadn’t she?  Hadn’t she practically begged him to stay, bared her very soul in a last-ditch effort to prevent him from leaving?  In doing so, hadn’t she completely disregarded her own emotional well-being and left herself vulnerable to the crushing heartache which she now suffered?  And yet, despite having every logical reason to do so, she found herself unable to move toward the well.  She had tried to rise to her feet a couple times, but self-doubt always ensnared her and dragged her back down.  She had even determined to head back to camp once, but likewise, her heavy limbs and heavier heart weighed her down.  So here she sat, paralyzed by indecision, afraid to leave and afraid to stay.  Afraid to abandon Inuyasha, but terrified to face him again.  Her hands wrung anxiously in her lap, and she chewed on her lower lip.  _What am I going to do?_

 

A small, furry creature hopped into her lap, startling her.  She looked down to discover that it was Kirara, who gazed up at her for a moment before nudging her hand expectantly.  The not-so-subtle hint wrung a smile from Kagome, despite her misery, and she began petting her companion, scratching in all the places she knew the fire-cat liked. 

 

“I’m sorry, Kirara,” she muttered softly.  “I make you carry me all the way back to the well, and then I just sit here feeling sorry for myself.” 

 

Judging by the purrs emanating from her small form, Kirara didn’t seem to mind.  But her ears remained alert, Kagome noted; despite Kirara’s distraction, she didn’t think she had to worry about anything dangerous sneaking up on them. 

 

Time passed, though how quickly Kagome couldn’t be sure.  What seemed like a half hour could actually be a couple hours or just a few minutes.  Eventually she stopped scratching Kirara, and the fire-cat dozed off in her lap.  She felt better for the companionship, though she was no closer to actually solving her dilemma.  Her stomach rumbled with the beginnings of hunger, a consequence of not finishing her dinner due to the debacle with Inuyasha, and she knew that she would be starving by sunrise.  Maybe she could impose on Kaede in the morning, both for breakfast and to seek her advice.  She didn’t think the elderly miko would actually tell her what to do, but she always gave wise counsel nonetheless. 

 

Making that decision, even if it was only to procrastinate on making her _real_ decision, made Kagome feel much better.  Soon enough, fatigue started to catch up with her, and she nodded off, secure in the knowledge that Kirara was watching out for her. 

 

It felt like she had only been asleep for a few minutes when the stirring of the feline in her lap roused her to wakefulness.  Kirara had obviously sensed something; she stood at attention, eyes and ears trained straight ahead.  All Kagome saw was dark forest illuminated by dappled moonlight, but she rose to her feet, prepared to make a break for it if something dangerous materialized out of those woods.  Her bow and arrows were resting beside the bone eater’s well, and though she could kick herself for not thinking to bring them with her to Goshinboku, she now began inching in their direction.  Kirara leapt down from her arms, but did not transform as Kagome expected.  She also refrained from growling a warning, and raised neither her fur nor her posture.  It was as though she honestly didn’t know what to make of the intruder, whether or not to regard it as a threat.  After stretching out her own senses, Kagome could understand why.  That aura had changed dramatically over the past two weeks, but it was still unmistakable. 

 

“Inuyasha?” she breathed, beyond shocked to find herself in his presence so soon.  Moments later, she glimpsed a familiar form stalking slowly through the trees, until finally he emerged into the moonlit clearing and drew to a halt.  She couldn’t tell if it was the limited light or her own imagination playing tricks on her, but he seemed different from the man she had fought with mere hours before.  His eyes glowed in the darkness, a shade lighter than she could ever remember seeing.  His fangs seemed longer, the purple markings on his cheeks more jagged.  But again, Kagome could not be sure that she wasn’t imagining things, especially with her entire psyche in turmoil. 

 

“What are you doing here, Kagome?” 

 

“I…” she trailed off, momentarily at a loss for words. 

 

“I figured you would have gone through the well by now,” he observed casually.  _Too casually_ , she realized.  Yes, she no longer felt that she knew Inuyasha nearly as well as she once did.  But even so, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right here.  His smile was too easy, too detached from the reality that he had just broken her heart.  It was as though he was actively trying to put her at ease, when in reality his odd demeanor had the opposite effect. 

 

“I needed to collect my thoughts,” she replied softly, studying his every move, her suspicion keeping at bay the overpowering emotional torrent threatening to break free as a result of seeing him again so soon. 

 

“Keh!” he barked out in amusement.  “You can ‘collect your thoughts’ at home.  Come on, I’ll walk you to the well.” 

 

He stepped toward her, and she stumbled back reflexively.  At once all good humor vanished from his expression, replaced fleetingly by irritation, which disappeared almost before she glimpsed it.  Almost.  Then he sighed and hung his head, a gesture which she knew should be familiar to her, but which seemed damningly foreign on his features. 

 

“Look, Kagome,” he spoke, his tone grave.  “I know we need to talk, but neither one of us is in any shape to talk now.  I’ll come see you in the morning, okay?” 

 

His words made perfect sense on their face, and Kagome so desperately wanted to believe them.  But their delivery was completely off, utterly lacking in genuine solemnity.  Inuyasha always conveyed his emotions clearly through non-verbal means, on the rare occasions when he had to speak from the heart.  This…this was different.  Looking at him, she honestly couldn’t say that he harbored any emotions at all.  Except perhaps a strong desire to see her return home through the bone eater’s well.  Kagome wasn’t sure of his motives, but one thing she did know for sure was that going home right now would be a huge mistake. 

 

“I’d rather stay here,” she declared, forcing some firmness into her voice.  “I’ll stay with Kaede-baa-chan,” she conceded in way of compromise.  If Inuyasha accepted that, then she could convince herself that her suspicions of him were unfounded.  With both him and Kirara here, there was no legitimate reason for him to insist on her going through the well.  If he continued to demand that of her, however… 

 

“Why not just go home?” he asked, his casual façade slipping just slightly.  “You could have a nice hot bath, and sleep in your own, comfortable bed.  I’ll come see you in the morning.” 

 

His disingenuous attempts to persuade her confirmed Kagome’s fears, and his reiteration of that promise only served to further convince her that it was a lie.  Earlier, as Inuyasha stormed out of camp, she had gotten the impression that he never intended to see any of them again.  If anything, that impression had only grown stronger.  _If I go through the well, I’ll never see the Sengoku Jidai again, will I?_   Was he planning to take the jewel shards, leave her in her time, and destroy the portal behind him?  It seemed a frighteningly strong possibility.  _No, I can’t let that happen!_  

 

“I _said_ I would rather stay here, Inuyasha,” she retorted crossly.  Her hostile response seemed to take him aback, though she honestly could no longer tell the difference between genuine emotion and pure performance. 

 

“Whoa, calm down, wench!” he told her, holding up his hands in a placating gesture.  “I just thought you’d be more comfortable in your time.  Don’t get all pissy at me for trying to be nice!” 

 

Kagome felt a twinge of guilt for her outburst, before realizing how stupid that was.  If his insistence was truly born merely from a desire to ‘be nice,’ then she would apologize and all would be well.  But she didn’t allow herself to believe for a moment that reality was so kind. 

 

“I’m sorry, Inuyasha,” she replied, the most insincere apology she’d ever uttered.  “But I’ve made my decision.  I’ll ask you to honor it.” 

 

She sent out a silent prayer that he would.  But her last shred of hope that she was imagining things was crushed when instead, he tossed his head back and let loose a malevolent cackle.  Then he speared her with the icy stare of a hunter tracking prey, even as his lips twisted into a sinister sneer. 

 

“You always have to make things difficult, don’t you, bitch?”

 

He moved too quickly for Kagome to do more than brace for impact.  But rather than a fist to the jaw, she received a shoulder to the stomach, one which immediately lifted her off her feet.  A clawed hand latched onto her bare thigh, holding her in place as he trotted toward the bone eater’s well.  Kirara transformed back at Goshinboku and began to pursue.  The fire-cat probably didn’t understand exactly what was going on, but she knew enough to react to her friend’s distress. 

 

“No, Kirara!” Kagome screamed, not wishing to put her companion in danger.  Inuyasha apparently meant her no physical harm, but given how hard he had struck Shippou earlier, she doubted he would extend the same courtesy to Kirara.  No, this was something she had to deal with on her own.  She had to do something _right now_ , or resign herself to never seeing the Sengoku Jidai again.  _What do I do?  What do I do?!!!_

 

She ran with the first idea that came to mind, placing both hands on Inuyasha’s back and summoning her spiritual energy before she could consider the repercussions.  Even the tentative _zap_ was enough to wring a pained grunt from him.  His entire body spasmed, as he tossed her to land on her backside in the dirt, her feet only marginally breaking her fall.  But a sore tailbone was the least of her worries.  Inuyasha glared down at her as though she had sprouted another head, his eyes rapidly coloring with rage. 

 

“Bitch!” he spat, moving to grab her again.  This time Kagome was ready, and didn’t hesitate to infuse more of her power, enough to send Inuyasha reeling.  Her vision blurred with tears but she hurriedly wiped them away.  She hated doing this to him; if he would just leave her alone then she could stop!  Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to have any intention of backing down. 

 

He did drop to a knee as spiritual energy crackled around him, his chin lowering so his bangs hid his eyes.  Kagome gasped as he raised his head, catching a fleeting glimpse of the golden orbs of hanyou she loved.  They reflected utter bewilderment, and then vanished in the next instant, blocked off by eyelids and clenched fists.  When he lowered his hands and fixed her with an incensed glare, Kagome could tell that the overpowering presence of his youkai side had regained full control.  She was trying to contemplate the meaning behind this strange phenomenon when he lunged, catching her off guard.  He shoved her to the ground, then grabbed a fistful of her hair and proceeded to drag her toward the well.  Stifling a cry of pain, she managed to get her feet under her just enough to lurch toward him, her flailing hands finding purchase on his wrist just as he was about to haul her bodily over the precipice. 

 

A torrent of spiritual power lanced through him like an electrical current, with such paralyzing effect that only through force of will could he move his muscles in any coordinated fashion.  But he undoubtedly possessed the willpower.  His lips pull back in a snarl, and he slowly reached down with his free hand and wrenched one of her hands away, then twisted his other arm until she had to release the grip of her other hand as well.  He forcefully clasped her upper arms, wringing a whimper from her as his claws dug into her flesh.  But when he tried to lift her, his strength finally gave out, and he only managed to slam her into the side of the well rather than tossing her into it.  As she gazed somewhat dazedly into his savage countenance, all traces of humanity utterly vanished, Kagome was struck by the realization that she no longer recognized the creature before her.  Completely consumed by rage, he was a phantom from her darkest nightmares come to life.  There was no more room for half measures; it was time to end this. 

 

The burst of pure energy she released then, fueled by fear and anger, and made more potent by heartache, launched Inuyasha across the clearing.  He landed in a heap, then curled onto his side and clutched at his head, growling viciously as tendrils of light danced across his shuddering form.  Kagome pulled herself to her feet as Kirara came to stand beside her, both of them watching the spectacle with morbid fascination.  She blinked back tears, holding her breath and covering her mouth in horror as Inuyasha suffered.  His ears shifted toward the top of his skull, then back again, his fangs and claws shrinking and elongating all the while.  The few times he opened his eyes, Kagome saw that they no longer matched in color.  His body truly was consumed by turmoil. 

 

“Inuyasha!” she screamed, on the verge of panic.  Had she gone too far?  She hadn’t meant to seriously hurt him; she’d just wanted him to leave her alone and return to his senses!  And now she was facing the very real possibility that she had _killed_ her best friend, the only man she’d ever loved.  Only his continued struggles and Kirara’s support kept her standing.  Eventually she noticed something odd: Inuyasha still writhed on the ground, despite the fact that her spiritual energy had all but dissipated.  What did that mean?  Had she wounded him so badly that he could no longer sustain himself in a single cohesive form?  Or was there another reason for his continued thrashing? 

 

The answer was not long in coming, though to Kagome, each second seemed to drag on for hours.  Finally Inuyasha’s struggles eased, as his ears migrated to the top of his head, holding there briefly before returning to what had become their customary position.  Her concern that he was simply reverting back to his full-youkai form was immediately dispelled by the sudden darkening of his hair, and his rapidly fading aura.  She had seen this before.  _Oh, Kami, he’s becoming human!_   Sure enough, within moments Inuyasha lay peacefully in the grass, fully human despite the full moon shining overhead.  She hesitated to wake him, but a hundred question buzzed around inside her skull, and for the sake of her sanity she needed to get some answers.  First and foremost, she needed to make sure he was all right. 

 

“Inuyasha?” 

 

No response.  She crept closer, reaching out to nudge his shoulder. 

 

“Inuyasha?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – So this is the power-hungry sociopath version of Inuyasha’s youkai side. You often see the version where he’s consumed by bloodlust, but is ultimately able to recognize his friends and desires to protect them. I’ve written that one myself. I think both interpretations are plausible. 
> 
> I’m glad I decided to post this in installments. The feedback has encouraged me to make some alterations to later chapters. I should still be able to post chapters every one or two days.


	6. Truths

“Inuyasha?”

 

The instant her outstretched fingers touched his shoulder, Inuyasha seized violently, causing Kagome to jerk her arm back.  He sat up suddenly, glancing all around, then down to his clawless hands and dark hair, and finally up at the full moon overhead.  He seemed to experience a small measure of relief at these discoveries, but when he finally turned toward her, his expression transformed into one of horror.  Following his gaze, Kagome noticed the red blotches marring her blouse, standing starkly against the white fabric.  She stifled a grimace, knowing that the evidence of the bleeding made the shallow puncture wounds seem more severe than they actually were.  She glanced up to find Inuyasha already stalking stiffly toward the well, his back rigid.  When he turned toward her with her yellow backpack in hand, she could see the tenseness in his jaw.  That, along with his silent refusal to meet her eyes, drove her to try to reassure him. 

 

“It’s okay, Inuyasha, they’re not—”

 

“Please,” he murmured softly, his voice nearly cracking with repressed emotion.  It was then that Kagome realized how much of a mistake it would be to try to talk him out of bandaging her wounds—or worse, refusing to allow him to do so.  This was far more important for him than it was for her. 

 

“Okay,” she replied gently.  This, however, presented her with a new dilemma.  The injuries were on her upper arms, almost to her shoulders.  There was no way she could roll up the sleeves of her blouse that far.  That left removing the blouse as the only option, which was problematic for other obvious reasons.  But she couldn’t let modesty stand in the way of this, not if she wanted to be able to talk to her guilt-ridden companion this evening.  Inuyasha would clearly be in no shape to carry on any kind of conversation until her wounds were properly dressed—and until he saw with his own eyes that they weren’t as bad as he feared.  Of course, none of this meant that this would be a comfortable experience.  _Well, I suppose it’s no more humiliating than what happened back at camp…_

 

Unsure how to alert Inuyasha to the problem, she hesitantly began untying the ribbon hanging at her chest, shooting him a meaningful glance.  It took a moment or two, but he got the message.  Kagome was actually relieved to see him blush and swiftly spin around.  He stood there with his arms folded over his chest, tapping his foot, the picture of anxious embarrassment.  The sight inspired a tentative smile; it had been far too long since she had last seen the Inuyasha she knew.  All it took was him somehow turning human on the night of the full moon.  Hopefully they could figure out how and why this happened later.  For now, she had to let him patch up her injuries, and hopefully assuage his guilt in the process.  To that end, she removed her blouse and held it against her front for modesty’s sake.  This unfortunately left her entire back bare save for the straps of her bra, but she trusted Inuyasha not to take any unnecessary liberties. 

 

“Okay,” she told him, unable to prevent her voice from trembling slightly, though whether this stemmed from her nerves or from the chilly night air she couldn’t be sure.  Inuyasha turned to face her and swallowed hard, perhaps from seeing her in a state of undress, or perhaps because he was humbled that she was allowing him to do this, especially when he had inflicted the injuries in the first place.  In any case, he stared at her for only a moment or two, and then got down to business, kneeling by her side and pulling the first aid kit out of her bag.  He ministered to her with seemingly practiced hands, which Kagome found odd because to her knowledge he had never done this before.  _I guess it’s from watching me patch up his wounds so many times._   Granted, usually when she tried to bandage an injury this small, he griped at her for worrying about a ‘flesh wound.’  _But mending the physical damage is the easy part_ , she reflected, contemplating everything which had transpired between them.  She knew better than to voice that observation out loud. 

 

As Inuyasha worked, Kagome took the opportunity to study him more closely.  There were small splotches of mud in his hair and on his clothes, as though he’d rolled around in a swamp and then hastily washed himself off before coming here.  The ‘why’ was yet another aspect of the mystery.  There were so many questions; if she allowed herself to be consumed by them, then she would never be able to bite her tongue until her companion was finished.  So for both of their sakes, she attempted to purge the uncertainties from her mind and focus on the here and now, specifically Inuyasha’s tender ministrations.  If he noticed her attention, he didn’t comment on it.  Perhaps he truly didn’t notice, so single-minded was his determination.  He wore a perpetual scowl, his face scrunched up in concentration.  In other circumstances Kagome might have found the expression quite adorable. 

 

Finally he sat back on his heels, silently seeking her approval.  Kagome was about to thank him when a full-body shiver passed through her, this time most definitely from the cold.  She reached for her bag, knowing there was a clean blouse and probably a jacket in there. 

 

“Here,” Inuyasha muttered, already working the ties to his suikan.  Kagome’s first thought was to politely decline—she had other clothes and he was only human himself right now—but the guarded look in his eyes stopped her.  He was trying to hide how much her acceptance or refusal of his robe would mean to him, likely almost as much as allowing him to bandage her wounds.  How could she say no? 

 

“Thank you,” she replied instead, taking the garment.  Inuyasha closed his eyes while she slipped it on.  This wasn’t a night for bare arms, so instead of utilizing his sleeves as a makeshift obi as she’d done before, she tied the sleeves of her blouse around her middle instead.  She probably looked pretty goofy; the suikan was baggy on Inuyasha and practically swallowed her smaller frame, never mind the ridiculous ‘belt.’  But it was warm, his residual body heat comforting, and most importantly Inuyasha relaxed visibly when he opened his eyes and saw her wearing it. 

 

This was not to say that all was well with him.  Clearly that was not the case.  Once again he took to staring at the ground between them, his brow furrowed in consternation.  Kagome waited impatiently for him to say something, until finally she could take the silence no longer. 

 

“Inuyasha—”

 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me.” 

 

Kagome blinked, his sudden statement having caught her off guard.  She received the distinct impression that he was talking about more than the wounds on her arms, but she had to know for sure. 

 

“Forgive you…for what?”

 

“For those,” he answered, pointing to her arm.  “For…what I said earlier.  For being a complete bastard.  For everything.” 

 

By the time he finished, he had slumped over in utter dejection, as though the reminder of his offenses would cause her to unleash whatever pent-up anger she held inside.  No doubt he thought he deserved whatever was coming to him.  Be that as it may, his obvious remorse spoke to her.  It smothered him, weighing down shoulders usually so strong, a spirit normally so vibrant.  She never wanted to see him like this again.  But that begged the question, could she really forgive him for everything?

 

“Are you truly sorry for all of those things?”

 

He nodded, daring to make eye contact for a sliver of a moment.  But it was enough for Kagome to catch a glimpse of the hope he tried so hard to hide, shining through the dark depths of fear, an all-consuming terror that he had ruined everything.  It breathed life back into her withered heart, and gave her the courage to do the right thing. 

 

“Then…I forgive you.” 

 

He stared at her for a long time, hope and gratitude suppressed by utter disbelief.  “Why?” he finally asked, the most basic question in the world, and yet, the most complex. 

 

Kagome smiled sadly.  _You know why.  I told you earlier, back at camp._  

 

“Because you’re my friend,” she replied instead.  “And that’s what friends do.”  There.  It was the truth, if not the whole truth.  If Inuyasha didn’t return her feelings—and she was reasonably certain that he didn’t—then hopefully he wouldn’t bring up the subject of her confession.  _Please, just pretend it never happened._  

 

“Thank you,” he muttered in an awestruck tone.  His lower jaw trembled briefly before he clenched it, and he swore under his breath as he wiped a couple rogue tears away.  Kagome averted her gaze, knowing how much he hated showing his emotions more easily on his human nights.  That brought her back to the issue of why he was human _this_ night.  It was finally time to get her questions answered. 

 

“Inuyasha, why are you human?  I don’t think it was my spiritual energy.  I mean, it wasn’t _all_ because of my spiritual energy.  I didn’t use _that_ much power.  And you didn’t transform fully until after the power wore off.  You were just writhing on the ground, and then…” she trailed off, realizing that she was rambling, her voice rising frantically in pitch with every word.  She took a deep breath, then finished much more calmly. 

 

“What in the world is going on, Inuyasha?” 

 

“I’m not entirely sure,” he admitted with a grimace, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

 

“Maybe…we can figure it out together?” 

 

He blushed but nodded, apparently willing to try. 

 

“Okay,” she declared, clapping her hands together with determination.  “Let’s start at the beginning.” 

 

“The beginning, huh?” he repeated, his eyes going unfocused for a moment.  Kagome waited for him to find the right words, but several times he opened his mouth only to clam up again, his frown deepening all the while. 

 

“Inuyasha, whatever you’re thinking, just say it.  I’m not going to judge you.” 

 

He shook his head.  “It’s not that.  It’s just…every time I think of something it seems so stupid.” 

 

“Well, tell me anyway,” she instructed, smiling in encouragement.  “We’re going to figure it out together, remember?” 

 

Inuyasha heaved a long-suffering sigh.  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he muttered.  Then after another sigh and a short pause, he finally took her advice, his words carrying the conversation in an entirely unexpected direction. 

 

“Do you agree that there’s really only one ‘Inuyasha?’” he asked suddenly, the question leaving Kagome a bit flummoxed. 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, no matter what form I took, I was always still the same person on the inside.  Except for when I transformed into a youkai after Tetsusaiga broke,” he added after a moment.  “That wasn’t me.  I don’t murder people for fun.  That shit ain’t me.”

 

“Of course not,” she agreed. 

 

He nodded gratefully.  “So when I transformed into a youkai before, it was like someone else was in control of my body.  But…it isn’t like that when I become human.  On moonless nights, I don’t become another person, I just get more _sensitive_ ,” he spat, as though the word left a sour taste in his mouth. 

 

“I see what you’re saying now,” Kagome acknowledged.  “You don’t turn into someone else when you become human.  Your personality just changes a little bit.” 

 

“Exactly,” he replied, seemingly relieved that she could understand his stream of consciousness.  “And then, when I became a full-fledged youkai…I thought it was the same.” 

 

“So…your youkai side didn’t take over after that day with the hamster?” 

 

“No,” he answered despondently.  “I was still in control.  The only time he took over was right before I came here tonight.  Everything I did before that, everything I said…it was all me.” 

 

Kagome digested that in silence for a moment.  It had obviously cost Inuyasha a lot to admit such a thing, and she had already forgiven him, so she wouldn’t dwell on it.  Besides, she wasn’t quite ready to completely buy into his assumption that he was fully responsible for everything. 

 

“But, it seemed like you got wor—I mean, you changed more and more over time.” 

 

“It’s okay,” he replied bitterly, “you can say it.  I _did_ get worse.  In the beginning, maybe it was like the reverse of a moonless night.  Maybe I just became _less_ sensitive.  But eventually…you were right, Kagome.  I became a total bastard.  Someone even you didn’t recognize anymore.” 

 

Inuyasha hung his head, and Kagome’s heart went out to him.  She ardently wished that she could deny his assertion, but she couldn’t lie to him.  Not about this.  Fortunately, the pieces of the puzzle were starting to fall into place. 

 

“I think I understand,” she told him, drawing a hopeful gaze.  “When you become human, your humanity influences your personality.  And when you became a full-fledged youkai, your youkai side influenced your personality as well, in the opposite direction.  But then, because your youkai side is so much more… _forceful_ , than your human side, and because you stayed a youkai for so long, it influenced you more and more until finally…”

 

“That actually…makes a lot of sense,” Inuyasha declared after a brief pause.  Then he scowled and clenched his fists.  “I’m such a fucking idiot.  I didn’t even notice anything while it was happening.  I just kept saying, ‘I’m still Inuyasha,’ ignoring all of you trying to tell me otherwise.  Damn moron!  I didn’t even realize how much my youkai side was influencing me until…until tonight, after I said those horrible things to you…”

 

“It’s all right, Inuyasha,” Kagome tried, only to have him shake his head vigorously.  Evidently his actions were still most definitely not ‘all right’ with him, even though she had already forgiven him.  This was something she would have to deal with later, but for now there were still mysteries left to solve, and his silence had given her an opportunity to change the subject. 

 

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re human now.” 

 

If she was hoping he would have some insight on that point, she was disappointed.  He seemed just as perplexed as she, and to make matters worse, his eyes were downcast and colored heavily with remorse once again.  She needed to get him in a better state of mind before continuing their conversation.  She reached out and took one of his hands in both of her own.  He flinched, but did not pull away. 

 

“Inuyasha, look at me,” she pleaded.  He complied, but only to the point of gazing miserably at some portion of the mass of red fabric covering her torso.  Rolling her eyes, she reached out with one hand and gently raised his chin.  His eyes registered shock, then slid shut briefly as her fingers trailed lovingly along his jawbone.  He subconsciously leaned into the contact, the gesture causing butterflies to flutter in Kagome’s stomach.  When he finally opened his eyes again, she saw humility, awe, gratitude, and…something else which she didn’t dare to name.  Swallowing nervously, she cleared her mind of all else and focused on the love which she harbored for this man. 

 

“Inuyasha, I know you’re not ready to accept that I’ve forgiven you…or to forgive yourself.  That’s fine.  It will come eventually.  Right now, we need to figure out what’s happening to you, to _us._   If we can do that, then everything else will fall into place.  Will you help me?” 

 

There it was again, that light in his eyes, that teasing specter which her mind told her could not possibly be what she desperately hoped it was.  Her heart wanted to believe, but she couldn’t…she just couldn’t.  Fortunately it vanished after a moment, replaced by strong resolve.  Inuyasha nodded in determination, putting on his best ‘battle face.’  Kagome chuckled, shaking her head slightly.  _Count on Inuyasha to treat having a heartfelt conversation the same as mortal combat_.  The wind whispered through the surrounding trees, causing the branches to sway, the sound giving Kagome inspiration for a way to make both of them a little more comfortable. 

 

“Come on,” she told him, standing and pulling him to his feet, then leading him toward Goshinboku.  Small movement off to her right caught her attention, and she spied Kirara trotting through the underbrush.  ‘Thank you,’ she mouthed, unsure if the fire-cat got her message.  She would have to properly express her gratitude later; the fact that Kirara was acting as lookout was allowing them to have this conversation away from prying eyes and probing ears.  They sat side-by-side against Goshinboku, their knees nearly touching.  Through it all, Inuyasha never made any move to release her hand.  Finally, after they were settled, Kagome picked up where they had left off. 

 

“So, can you tell me what happened after you…left camp?” 

 

Inuyasha was clearly reluctant to answer, likely from a combination of shame and embarrassment, but he hesitated only briefly before recounting the tale.  He told her of his misadventures in the forest, of a guilt-stricken imagination run wild, and of finding rock bottom in a patch of mud.  He told her how he had seen the truth for the first time, and of his inner dialogue with his youkai side.  Kagome sensed that he was leaving out much of that conversation, but she let it pass.  Finally, he described how his youkai side had taken over, determined to seal the well behind her. 

 

“It would have worked, too,” he observed bitterly.  “When I did finally wake up, I would have fallen under the influence of my youkai side again.  So…I probably wouldn’t have even cared that you were gone.” 

 

Kagome squeezed his hand and smiled at him reassuringly, comprehending the truth of that statement and not holding it against him.  As far as she was concerned, he hadn’t been in his right mind for over two weeks.  Sitting next to her was the real Inuyasha, his personality of course slightly altered due to his current humanity.  But that didn’t change the contents of his heart; it only allowed him to reveal them more easily.  This Inuyasha cared very much whether she remained by his side, as he always had.  Judging by the strength of his grip, he would be completely heartbroken if she left.  Even, perhaps, to the extent of suffering the same pain that she would feel.  Again, she didn’t dare contemplate what that might mean. 

 

“There’s one thing I don’t get, though,” he stated, apparently comforted by her silent support.  “If I was so heavily influenced by my youkai side, then why did I ‘wake up’ in the first place?  Why was I able to see the truth at all?  And how the hell am I human right now?” 

 

“That sounds like more than one thing,” Kagome teased, in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

 

“Keh!” he responded, to which her smile widened, before her expression turned serious once more.  It was odd, she reflected, to make a joke in a situation like this.  Perhaps she was comfortable doing so because she already knew the answers to all of Inuyasha’s questions.  At least, she thought she did.  It had come to her as she compared the Inuyasha sitting beside her to the one she had traveled with for the past two weeks, as she contemplated everything that made them different.  It came down, as matters of great spiritual importance often did, to a trinity, the same trinity which defined all sentient beings. 

 

“Your body may have been that of a full-fledged youkai,” she stated solemnly, as he listened at rapt attention.  “But you still have a caring soul, and a loving heart.  I think when you…said what you said, those parts of you could no longer remain silent.  In the end, your true self shone through.” 

 

Both of their faces were flushed by the time she finished speaking, but Kagome was proud of herself for making it through without stuttering.  She was relieved to see that Inuyasha accepted her words, despite his embarrassment. 

 

“By my ‘true self,’ do you mean my humanity?” 

 

She gently shook her head.  “Not necessarily.  You’ve always been two halves combined into one whole, Inuyasha.  Your youkai side is tough.  It gave you the strength to survive in this world.  It also gives you the drive, and the ability to protect me and the others.  Your humanity gives you emotions, allows you to _feel_ , to have friends who care for you.  But to me, what makes you ‘Inuyasha’ isn’t one side or the other, it’s the combination.  I…I miss the hanyou.  I miss the _real_ Inuyasha, the one who became my best friend, the one I fell in l—” 

 

She cut herself off at the last instant, cursing her carelessness.  Hadn’t she determined not to bring that up again?  Inuyasha could be pretty dense at times, but even he couldn’t miss so obvious a reminder.  Now he would feel bound to give her a definitive answer, one which she dreaded with every logical fiber of her being.  He would have to tell her that he either didn’t or couldn’t return her feelings.  She hoped her already fractured heart would survive the blow.  Releasing his hand, she clenched both of her hands in her lap, looking away from him with her eyes tightly closed.  _Please…please just let it go.  Let me hold onto my foolish hope for a little longer._

 

An oppressive silence ensued.  It seemed as though the forest itself was holding its breath.  Kagome began to feel cautious optimism; perhaps he really had missed her near slip, or was willing to let it go? 

 

“Kagome?”

 

She cringed, turning further away from him, her arms coming up to encircle her torso, as if to prevent her heart from tumbling out. 

 

“Kagome, look at me,” he pleaded, repeating her words from earlier.  Still she refused.  His voice sounded so sincere, so devoid of remorse, as though he was somehow not worried about hurting her anymore.  That just meant her grief was causing her senses to play tricks on her.  _You have a family and friends who love you.  You are strong.  You will get through this._  

 

Her fragile resolve was scattered to the winds when she felt his hand cup her cheek.  She could muster no resistance as he gently turned her to face him.  She barely managed to keep her eyes closed, stubborn hope nearly outweighing the fear of learning the contents of his gaze.  If she saw his eyes…that would be it.  She would know for sure.  It was easier to keep her eyes closed.  Then she felt the warm press of his lips, feather-light against her own.  Her eyelids squeezed painfully, nevertheless failing to hold back her tears.  _This is it.  The last kiss he will ever give me_.  The warmth of his lips faded away, replaced by a creeping numbness.  Perhaps it was better that way.  Perhaps it would make it easier to hold herself together.  

 

He pulled away after only a couple seconds.  Despite her resolve, she found herself missing his presence.  She was utterly hopeless.  How did it happen?  How did he somehow acquire this power over her, this ability to break or restore her on a whim?  Never before had she felt so weak. 

 

As before, his touch scattered her thoughts.  He cupped her cheek again, the pad of his thumb wiping away her tears.  She found herself leaning unconsciously into his caress, somehow drawing comfort from her weakness this time.  He called her name again, and she hesitantly opened her eyes. 

 

What she saw astounded her, shocked her to her very core.  His eyes were slightly guarded, as though he had not completely banished his own lingering fears.  But they had never been so open to her, so warm, so overflowing with affection.  With…love? 

 

“Kagome…about what you said before…”

 

She was torn.  Torn between begging him to forget her words and encouraging him to continue.  In the end, all she could do was sit there, mouth agape, every nerve in her body tingling as she waited for him to say whatever he intended to say.  To her dismay, he broke off his current course and settled on a more indirect path. 

 

“Earlier, when I was struggling with my youkai side, when he was trying to convince me that everyone would be better off if I became a full-fledged youkai and let you go…it wasn’t my own strength of will that brought me to my senses.  It wasn’t guilt, and it wasn’t loyalty either.  What brought me back was…you.  Only you.  If you hadn’t said…what you said, then I don’t think you ever would have seen me again.  I never would have become _myself_ again.  I’m here because…because you said you loved me, and I…I…”

 

He clammed up then, his nerves finally getting the better of him.  Kagome reached out, with halting movements as though in a trance, and clasped his hand where it rested on his knee.  She tried to convey all of her love, everything she felt for him, as the last of the numbness faded and her heart beat strongly within her chest, sending currents of warmth throughout her body.  She still felt weak, as she hung on his every word.  But it appeared that Inuyasha understood this particular infirmity well.  To entrust one’s heart to another, and to receive that person’s heart in return.  Was that not the very essence of love?  Was that not beautiful? 

 

The lines of tension left his face, as he turned his hand and grasped hers tightly.  His spirits restored, his apprehension soothed, he finally found the courage to meet her ardent gaze and say what he needed to say. 

 

“Because…I feel the same.” 

 

Kagome sobbed, somehow unprepared for his confession despite her intuition that it was coming.  More tears flowed forth, but she didn’t try to hold them back.  They were proof of her happiness, along with her brilliant smile.  An expression which Inuyasha matched, as the dappled moonlight glowed radiantly in his eyes.  He reached up with both hands to wipe away her tears, holding her tenderly, making her feel cherished.  She lay one of her hands over his own, entwining their fingers.  Then his gaze lowered to her lips, and he leaned toward her.  Kagome shifted her position, moving her legs underneath her so she too could lean forward, drawn in by undeniable yearning as she met him halfway. 

 

Again she felt the warm press of his lips, firmer this time, a wondrous combination of confidence and hesitance on both of their parts.  The latter quickly gave way to the former, as Kagome experienced a profound contentment, as though her entire life had led her to this moment.  She had dreamt of their first kiss before, many times in fact, but it had never been quite like this.  And yet, this was everything that a first true kiss was supposed to be.  Time seemed to slow, as each moment confirmed for her that his feelings were genuine, that he loved her as much as she loved him.  It had seemed impossible just a few short minutes ago, but now, the opposite seemed unfathomable.  So complete a reversal, so beautiful a kiss.  All thanks to the strength of a hanyou’s heart, and a long overdue confession. 

 

They separated simultaneously, reluctantly pulling away from each other, but only for a moment.  Kagome raised herself to her knees and threw her arms around Inuyasha’s neck, leaning her head against his shoulder. 

 

“Baka,” she breathed, smiling to herself at the familiar insult.  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” 

 

“Keh,” Inuyasha muttered, his arms encircling her form, returning the embrace.  “Did you forget who you’re talkin’ to, wench?” 

 

Kagome chuckled merrily, her mirth bubbling over, irrepressible.  Between laughing and crying, the choice was obvious.  She was tired of tears, even happy ones.  Eventually they released each other, and Kagome settled in his lap, leaning sideways against his chest.  His arms looped loosely around her, their hands entwined in her lap.  Neither knew what to say or do now, but the resulting silence was comfortable rather than awkward.  Kagome allowed her mind to wander, down paths which she had always tried to avoid before, lest failing to travel them in reality cause further heartache.  But now even her wildest fantasies didn’t seem so outlandish.  For the first time, she didn’t feel like a lovesick fool for imagining a future, a _real_ future, with Inuyasha.  At last, those forbidden aspirations were within reach. 

 

Except, she realized with a jolt, for one crucial detail…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Edited on 4/21/17 because at a couple points I mentioned Inuyasha’s ears lowering even though he is human. I should have known that I was going to do that! Thank you to the couple reviewers who pointed it out.


	7. United

Kagome sat straight up, her sudden movements startling Inuyasha, the fear in her eyes causing concern to color his own. 

 

“Kagome?  What’s wrong?” 

 

“Inuyasha…” she trailed off, unsure how to find the right words.  But this was too important, so she forced herself to speak.  “You’re still human.  Your youkai side will come back, won’t it?  And…what happens when it does?” 

 

Inuyasha’s eyes widened, as he too realized the danger.  He considered her questions carefully before responding, his failed attempts to conceal his own nervousness informing Kagome that she was not going to like his answer. 

 

“It…doesn’t feel like my youki is gone for good.  I feel the same as I did inside Mount Hakurei.  So I think it will come back, but…” he trailed off, unable to finish that thought.  Kagome heard what he didn’t say.  _I don’t know what will happen when it does._   The silent admission caused a cold knot of fear to settle in her gut. 

 

“When do you think it will come back?” she asked anxiously.  _How much time do we have left?_  

 

He shrugged miserably.  “Not sure.  Maybe sunrise?  Maybe after…or maybe before.” 

 

His response frustrated Kagome to no end, but she couldn’t fault him for it.  After all, neither of them had any idea when he would revert to his previous form.  This wasn’t a normal human transformation, so they couldn’t assume that it would end at sunrise.  _Or even last that long_ , she reflected, biting her lip in an effort to maintain her composure.  Fortunately, they were far from powerless here. 

 

“My spiritual energy helped before.  Maybe I could—” 

 

“No,” Inuyasha interrupted, as though he’d anticipated her proposal.  “This is something I have to deal with on my own.”  His tone was fierce, but apparently resigned to fighting the coming battle alone.  Every fiber of Kagome’s being screamed in protest. 

 

“But—”

 

“I can’t use your spiritual energy, Kagome,” he stated firmly, cutting her off.  “Even if I did, it would just make me human again.  And then it would happen again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.  We would have to go through the same damn thing, every day for the rest of our lives.”  Here he paused, his gaze softening as his eyes reflected a silent apology.  “I can’t live like that.  I can’t force you to live like that.  I…I want to be _me_ again.  I want to be…the man you fell in love with,” he told her, his voice faded almost to a whisper, but still audible, full of life.  “I’m not sure I can force the foreign youki out, but…I have to try.” 

 

Kagome buried her face into his shoulder, stifling a sob.  He held her as she struggled to compose herself, the determination in his eyes utterly defeating her.  She wanted to tell him that she would happily use her power to help him remain as he was now, every day for the rest of her lives if necessary, to avoid this colossal risk.  But it was damningly clear that he would never accept that.  Not the Inuyasha she knew.  He was too proud and too courageous to live his life in fear, knowing that his true self was locked away forever because he was too cowardly to reach out and claim it.  She wanted to tell him that she didn’t care, that she could love him in this form as well.  While that was true, she knew that deep down they would always feel that something was missing.  So she could understand the reasons behind his decision.  That did not make the repercussions any easier to deal with. 

 

“Please,” she whispered, “tell me how I can help you.”  She felt his lips press tenderly against her temple. 

 

“You already have, Kagome,” he told her quietly, the awe and cautious hope in his tone raising her spirits.  “It’s because of you that I have a chance.  You’ve given me all the reason I need.  When I think about what we could have, and what I stand to lose…that’s how I know I’ll win.” 

 

She sensed that much of his newfound confidence was artificial, but encouragingly, a large portion of it seemed genuine.  Her heart swelled with pride, and she tightened her embrace, allowing a few more tears to fall as his hand rubbed comforting circles along her back.  Finally his ministrations lulled her into a state of fragile peace, aided by pure mental exhaustion.  But she was also coming to accept his decision, even though she fervently wished there was another way.  Inuyasha would not have chosen this course unless he was fairly confident that he could regain control of his youkai side.  In order to achieve the future they both dreamt of, it was evidently a risk he was willing to take.  And despite the dangers and her own reservations, she couldn’t deny that part of her supported his decision wholeheartedly.  As for the rest of her…well, she would just have to make sure he knew that no matter what happened, she would always love him. 

 

They sat in silence for a long time, each giving and receiving comfort from the presence of the other.  Finally, Inuyasha spoke, his voice subdued, pleading, and she knew that the vulnerability he was about to show was being revealed in large part because of his current humanity. 

 

“Kagome, I…I don’t want to be alone tonight.  Will you…stay with me?” 

 

 _It could be our last night together_. 

 

In the cool of the night, those unspoken words hung heavily in the air between them.  Hearing what Inuyasha said, as well as what he did not say, inspired in Kagome the strangest observation.  His statement was just like what people said in romance movies or novels from her time.  If she followed the script, she was now supposed to take him to bed and make passionate love to him, seduced by his irresistible magnetism.  The only trouble was that Inuyasha didn’t have a seductive bone in his entire body, at least not one he had discovered to this point in his life.  When he said ‘stay with me,’ he meant just that, with no hidden implications. 

 

So while all of the possible implications of his request undoubtedly escaped Inuyasha’s notice, they most certainly did not escape Kagome’s.  It was not as though she had never thought—or dreamed—about being with him in that manner.  She was in love with him, so she supposed it was only natural to want to be with him physically.  Eventually.  She was still only fifteen, and some days she simply didn’t feel ready for any kind of adult relationship.  In her mind their relationship had always progressed to that level later, during her high school years at the earliest.  She certainly hadn’t expected to find herself considering it in these circumstances.  And yet, here she was, doing just that.  Fate had conspired against them, leaving doubt as to whether they would ever get another chance.  If Inuyasha lost to his youkai side, he would at the very least throw her into the well and seal it behind her.  This truly might be their last night together.  And Kagome could not ignore the undeniable appeal generated by the idea of sharing herself with him in that way, and he with her.  Eventually she was forced to ask herself, why _couldn’t_ they be together physically? 

 

The obvious practical answer leapt out at her.  Pregnancy.  A legitimate concern, but one which was largely addressed by taking a few moments to remember what she learned in health class.  It simply wasn’t the right time of the month for her to become pregnant.  And while it was always risky to plan intercourse around the menstrual cycle, due to variations in times when certain phases took place, the chances were low enough so that the possibility of pregnancy was no longer a compelling reason not to have sex tonight, in her opinion.  Thinking of health class also made her think of STDs, which almost made her snort.  Yeah, _that_ was a big concern with the two of them. 

 

So if physically there was no reason for them not to be together, then it came down to whether both of them were emotionally ready.  Kagome searched her feelings and found that she was.  Those butterflies fluttering around in her stomach, which itself seemed to be doing cartwheels in her belly…well, those were both simply signs of nervousness.  So was the heat in her cheeks, though that might also have a little to do with anticipation, an observation which only caused said cheeks to darken.  For once she was glad that Inuyasha was human at the moment, since his enhanced senses would have allowed him to sense that something was bothering her, and he probably would have started asking questions before she was ready to answer them.  She had to fight the urge to forget the whole thing.  After all, Inuyasha seemed perfectly content to simply hold her for the remainder of the evening.  He probably hadn’t even considered the possibility of doing anything more, and even if he had, she knew he wouldn’t entertain any negative feelings if it didn’t happen. 

 

If she offered and he declined, then she would probably be able to say the same about herself.  Rather than a rejection, it would be an acknowledgment that they weren’t ready at this time, but hoped to have the chance to engage in such intimacy in the future.  That would honestly be fine with Kagome; it very well might be the truth.  If, on the other hand, they didn’t make love because she never offered…that might haunt her.  If things went badly, she would always wonder what might have been, if she could have given Inuyasha a wonderful memory before he lost his true self to the influence of his youkai side. 

 

So obviously she needed to make the offer, for the sake of her sanity if nothing else.  But how the hell was she supposed to go about doing that?  ‘Hey, Inuyasha, wanna have sex with me?’  _Yeah,_ that _would go over real well_.  He would probably think she was possessed.  No matter how long she thought about it, she just couldn’t imagine herself actually proposing… _that_.  At least, not verbally.  But if words weren’t going to help her, then that left…  She gulped, knowing one surefire way to convey her willingness to her unsuspecting love interest.  The question was, did she have the guts to go through with it? 

 

She sat up stiffly, shyly glancing over at Inuyasha.  The happiness showing on his features, albeit tempered by worry, gave her the courage to place her hand on his chest and lean toward him.  Catching on, he met her halfway, probably expecting a reprise of their earlier kiss.  Instead, after taking a moment to steel her nerves, Kagome parted her lips and slipped her tongue inside his mouth.  She swallowed his gasp, her fingers gripping his hadagi tightly as a shudder passed through him.  Her tongue tentatively sought out his, brushing against it once, twice as it quivered inside the warm cavern of his mouth like a frightened rabbit.  Her confidence shaken by his reaction, or lack thereof, Kagome pulled away from him, leaving a lingering caress against his lips as she departed.  Inuyasha followed subconsciously before catching himself, a sight which provided much-needed reassurance for the young miko, as did his lowered eyelids and flushed cheeks.  When he opened his eyes, she saw a hint of something which quickened her already rapid heartbeat and sent a delightful shiver down her spine.  Encouraged, she leaned forward again. 

 

This time, Inuyasha was the one with surprise on his side.  His lips cascaded over hers, hot and moist, drawing an involuntary squeak from her.  But she recovered quickly, returning the insistent pressure of his lips as they kissed, hesitantly at first, then more boldly.  His arms encircled her back as he pulled her flush against him, her hands gripping his shoulders in response.  They moved together, their tongues sparring in the space between them, dominating and submitting, and yes, even fumbling at times—they were both novices at this.  Kagome smiled against his lips as he yelped in surprise and annoyance, having accidentally bitten his own tongue in his excitement.  But then he pulled her even closer, tilting her head back as though to devour her, and all coherent thought scattered to the winds. 

 

When at last they parted, Kagome was left with absolutely no doubt as to the strength of Inuyasha’s desires, or her own.  She was surprised to find herself straddling his hips, his hakama the only barrier between his body and her inner thighs.  _When did that happen?_   She wondered this dazedly, honestly having no recollection of shifting her position.  Perhaps Inuyasha had no memory of it either.  He gazed at her with somewhat hooded eyes, his slight panting matching her own.  If she lowered herself into his lap, she was sure she would feel the physical evidence of his arousal.  That thought was thrilling, if not a bit frightening as well, but she sensed that they had reached a plateau, and that certain things needed to happen before they could proceed any further. 

 

“Inuyasha,” she spoke quietly, her voice sounding painfully loud to her ears.  She had meant to convey love, but the unexpectedly husky undertones also spoke of something else. 

 

“I’m here, Inuyasha,” she told him.  “I’ll stay with you.” 

 

 _Forever…or for as long as fate will let me._  

 

“Kagome,” he breathed, obviously comprehending her unspoken invitation.  If he wanted to simply hold her in his arms until sunrise, then so be it.  If he wanted more, but wished to stop short of intercourse, then that was fine too.  And if he shared her deep desire to join together, to be her first as she would be his, on this night which would perhaps be their last…well, she was ready for that as well.  She only had to wait a few moments for him to reveal his intentions. 

 

“Kagome…are you sure?” he asked, his tone awestruck. 

 

_Are you sure you want to be with me?  I can’t offer you a safe, carefree life.  I can’t even guarantee that I’ll be around tomorrow.  I—_

 

“I’m sure, Inuyasha.” 

 

_Just your heart is enough for me._

 

 _You have it_ , his eyes seemed to say as they shimmered in the moonlight.  Then he leaned forward and captured her lips once more.  Kagome was expecting to pick up where they had left off, but oddly, the knowledge that they were going to make love seemed to have taken the desperate edge off of Inuyasha’s fervor.  He kissed her sweetly, his lips simply holding hers as his arms cradled her body.  Kagome tried to deepen the kiss, but he backed away, obviously intent on taking his time.  She quickly relented and merely returned the pressure he exerted against her, content to let him lead for the time being.  It was a good decision.  Sensing her acquiescence, Inuyasha smiled into the kiss and parted his lips, just enough to allow him to brush against her with his tongue.  One of his hands came up to caress her face, his fingers ghosting over her cheekbones, then her jawline, as though only by touching her could he be certain that she was actually there.  Kagome felt herself slipping into a state of tranquility, lulled by his tender ministrations. 

 

She sighed in bliss as he began planting exploratory, feather-light kisses along her jaw.  She tilted her head to the side, and he took the encouragement, continuing more boldly, moving down the delicate column of her neck and back up again.  Through it all, his hands were far from idle.  They traced up and down her back, slipped inside the sleeves of his suikan to stroke along the smooth skin of her hands and arms, their fingers entwining briefly before he moved on.  Kagome felt something stirring within her, an unnamed compulsion truly awakening for the first time, roused by his touch.  When he neared her lips once more, she turned her head to meet him.  Still he resisted her efforts, holding her bottom lip between his own while stroking it lazily with his tongue, teasing her to the point of frustration.  But his restraint could only endure for so long.  Soon enough, Kagome sensed the inevitable fraying of his fragile patience.  And this time when she wrapped her arms around his neck and parted her lips to resume their dual, he allowed her to lead him willingly. 

 

She deepened their kiss, wringing a moan from him as their tongues resumed their dance.  Hesitantly they circled, as though flirting, each touch evoking a separation, and yet, drawing them inexorably closer.  Finally Kagome could no longer tell where one kiss ended and another began; they had all melded together gloriously.  Eventually she mustered the mental acuity to pull away, halting the nearly irresistible progress of her intoxication as she favored her lover with the same treatment he had showered upon her before.  Inuyasha stifled a groan as she kissed along his jawbone, her hands exploring his body over his clothing, from his broad shoulders to the tips of his clawless fingers.  His hands settled on her hips, and she pushed up his sleeves, allowing her to feel the flesh of his upper arms, the muscles tensing under her fingers as she suckled at his pulse point.  The raw power contained within his lithe form was readily apparent, despite his current humanity, and the restraint of that power toward the end of savoring these moments with her was stunningly beautiful. 

 

As she locked lips with him once more, Kagome realized that Inuyasha’s patience was once again unraveling.  Fortunately, hers was just as tattered.  She placed her hands against his chest, and then, after a momentary hesitation, slipped them inside the folds of his hadagi.  He inhaled a rapid breath at the skin-on-skin contact, tightening his grip on her hips as the frolicking of their lips and tongues became even more heated.  The muscles of his chest and abdomen rioted under her palms, the simplest touch triggering uncontrollable tremors.  Kagome wasn’t sure which was more exhilarating, what they were doing to each other with their mouths, or his reactions to what she was doing with her hands.  A soft whimper escaped her, though whether it was a result of the dizzying sensations bombarding her, or a symptom of her own need, she wasn’t sure.    

 

In either case, the sound seemed to spark a change in Inuyasha.  One of his hands drifted north, his fingers trailing deliciously along her spine on their way to the back of her neck, which he began massaging tenderly even as his kisses became more desperate.  The other hand moved purposefully in the opposite direction, coming to rest over the gentle, fire-rat covered curve of her backside.  When she didn’t protest—doing so was in fact the farthest thing from her mind—he began squeezing and kneading her flesh in time with the movements of his lips.  They both smiled simultaneously into their kiss, probably sharing the same ridiculous thought.  Miroku had grabbed Sango’s behind how many dozens of times?  And gotten slapped or whacked in the head on every occasion.  Inuyasha on the other hand, the most un-lecherous person Kagome knew, was now one-for-one.  It was all about context, she supposed. 

 

As if doubling down on his success, Inuyasha’s other hand soon joined its cohort, both appendages now cupping her backside.  Spurred by his boldness, Kagome’s own hands roamed more daringly over his body, one toying with a nipple while the other slipped sinfully low on his stomach, stopping where hard muscle ended and a patch of curly hair began.  He seemed to hold his breath each time she neared the place where he most craved her touch, exhaling shakily against her lips when she withdrew only to return moments later.  She was quickly becoming addicted to the thrill of teasing him, but of course, Inuyasha was not one to let that go unanswered for long.  Nor did Kagome want him to.  She was anything but disappointed when his hands moved to her front, remaining above the barrier of the suikan she wore as he began to trace invisible designs on her stomach.  Gradually his fingers quested higher, grazing the swell of her breast before returning to safer pastures.  Sensing that he needed the encouragement, she leaned back slightly and withdrew her hands from his hadagi, giving him unhindered access to her chest.  He took the hint, his fingers slowly sliding up and over her breasts until at last he was cupping them in his palms.  Kagome bit her lip, but not from overwhelming pleasure.  The sensation of him touching her breasts was pleasant, yes, but his suikan was simply too thick for her to feel him properly.  They were both woefully overdressed for this occasion. 

 

Despite the strength and clarity of her desires, her hands shook with nervousness as she tried to untie the sleeves of her blouse, which were holding the suikan closed.  Inuyasha also seemed anxious as he followed her lead, but was able to loosen the waist of his hakama with practiced ease, allowing him to pull the hadagi from it.  The sight of his chest, a tantalizing portion of which was bared by the now open robe, did nothing to aid Kagome’s composure.  The sleeves of her blouse were all bunched up; she couldn’t seem to find the ends, or how they wove together.  What the hell kind of ridiculous knot had she tied, anyway?!  An embarrassment-fueled growl welled in her throat, but a pair of masculine hands coming to rest atop her own put an end to her frustrating ordeal before she could resort to drastic measures—like ripping one of the damn sleeves off at the shoulder.  A glance up to Inuyasha’s face did much to soothe her frazzled nerves.  He was not laughing at her, though she could tell it was a close thing.  But oddly, his amusement caused no consternation on her part.  It was as though his eyes were saying, _do you think I’m any smoother at this than you are?  Keh!_  She chuckled under her breath at her mind’s conjuring of his familiar exclamation.  Inuyasha probably didn’t understand her mirth, but he was obviously glad to see it.  Kagome kissed him sweetly, then leaned back on her hands, one eyebrow raised slightly in expectation. 

 

Inuyasha swallowed nervously, but he quickly morphed into a man on a mission.  That mission being to unfasten the knot holding her robe closed, and less importantly, to look ‘smooth’ while doing it.  While it was debatable whether he succeeded in the latter, he did manage to accomplish the former.  At last her blouse lay in a heap off to the side, tossed there haphazardly by uncaring hands.  The robe did not fall open on its own, but instead hung from her breasts in what Kagome imagined was a most alluring fashion.  Judging by the enthralled expression on his face, Inuyasha certainly thought so.  She held as still as possible, wishing to give him the opportunity to disrobe her.  He reached out, then hesitated, glancing up to her face.  It was not the first time he had checked to make sure she was okay with what they were doing, and it would probably not be the last.  Each time, he would see only love and desire reflected back at him.  Along with a healthy helping of nervousness, of course.  But he would understand that to be born solely from the newness of the acts in which they were engaging, and if for some reason he didn’t, then she would just have to prove it to him. 

 

Fortunately, Inuyasha seemed to comprehend everything she meant him to.  He licked his suddenly dry lips, his throat working anxiously as he clasped the edges of the suikan gingerly between his thumbs and forefingers.  He hesitated, as though afraid to disturb the vision laid out before him, but eventually he gathered the courage to slowly draw the robe apart, revealing a vast expanse of silky skin, broken only by a plain pink bra.  Inuyasha’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped open slightly, the sheer amazement in his expression surprising Kagome.  She had seen Inuyasha’s upper body many times while bandaging him, so she knew what to expect.  But this might well be Inuyasha’s first time glimpsing a woman’s body up close.  A wave of sympathy passed through her.  _Oh, Inuyasha…_   Thoughts of ‘the other’ tried to creep into her consciousness, but she pushed them aside.  Tonight was about her and Inuyasha; there was simply no room for Kikyou.  Kagome had little doubt that her lover was seeing her, and only her, this evening. 

 

The seconds stretched on in silence as he continued to stare at her, eventually causing her to become self-conscious.  Fortunately, her uneasy shifting seemed to snap Inuyasha back to reality.  He flashed her an apologetic look, then finished disrobing her, sliding the suikan down her arms.  His gaze lingered on the bandages he had applied earlier, but only for a few moments before he evidently decided that making her feel pleasure was a good way to atone for the pain he had caused.  Toward that end, he sensually settled his fingers against her bare stomach.  Whatever Kagome expected that to feel like, ticklish was not it.  She bit her lip to stifle herself, but a small giggle escaped nonetheless as her arms came up reflexively to shield her.  She peeked over at Inuyasha to find him blushing, both mortified and fairly upset with himself over the awkward attempt.  Kagome clasped his hands, drawing his eyes up to meet hers, then tilted her head to the side and grinned wryly at him. 

 

_Come on, did you forget that neither of us are ‘smooth’ at this?_

 

That seemed to restore some of his confidence.  The next time he touched her, he did so in a new location and with a different technique, and Kagome was pleased to discover that her stomach was not perpetually ticklish.  Inuyasha had literally rubbed her the wrong way the first time, and he seemed dead set on not doing so again.  Gradually his strokes became less cautious, and Kagome tilted her head back, closing her eyes in bliss as she enjoyed the sensual massage.  The heat in her blood had subsided a bit when they took a short break to disrobe, and although Inuyasha’s current touches would never be enough to bring it to a boil, she had no cause to complain.  This was _nice_ , wonderfully relaxing, while providing just enough stimulation to make her anticipate what was to come. 

 

Evidently Inuyasha was anticipating it as well.  His hands drifted higher as they had before, brushing against and finally cupping her breasts through the fabric of her bra.  Kagome inhaled a slightly deeper breath at his touch, but the sensations were still muted, leaving her wondering what direct contact would feel like.  Sitting up, she reached behind herself to unfasten her bra.  Inuyasha’s hands fell away as he realized what she was doing, his eyes reflecting a startling mix of emotions, ranging from hunger to astonishment, along with the same love which had been present for most of the evening.  Finally the clasp came free, and Kagome lowered her arms, once again silently inviting her lover to divest her of the garment.  He did so, his heated gaze never once leaving her chest, the intensity of his stare making it absolutely clear that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. 

 

His hands returned to her breasts, wringing a hiss from her as her head fell back again.  Inuyasha froze, as though uncertain whether her reaction was born of pleasure or discomfort, but an involuntary buck of her hips against his stomach seemed to reassure him.  Kagome sighed in a different kind of bliss, her breath shaky as he slowly, reverently caressed her tender flesh.  The warmth of his hands proved a delightful contrast to the coolness of the night, and the roughness of his palms and fingers provided the most wonderful friction.  He avoided focusing on her nipples at first, simply massaging the tender globes, as if marveling at their softness.  For Kagome, his loving attentions felt divine, but soon the subconscious gyration of her hips became less leisurely and more insistent.  She was unable to contain a tiny groan of pleasure the first time he grasped one of her nipples, gently rolling the bud between his thumb and forefinger as it became engorged, hardening even beyond what the cool air had caused.  His other hand repeated the process with her other nipple, his now confident caresses leaving her trembling, unsure whether to pull away from the intensity of the sensations or beg for more. 

 

His lips followed, placing tender kisses along her collarbone which had her anticipation soaring to new heights.  But he seemed content to let his lips meander the safe planes of her upper chest, never moving southward, even when she arched her back in obvious encouragement.  Finally he ventured down toward her twin peaks, his tongue darting out to lave her skin seductively, only to perform an about-face just as he grazed the swell of her breast, kissing and licking his way back to her collarbone.  Kagome growled in frustration, the sound causing her lover to grin slightly against her skin.  And that was when she realized that he was teasing her, bestowing upon her the same treatment she had given him earlier.  Well, she was not one to let that go unanswered for long either.  She forcibly halted the gyration of her hips, raised herself slightly, then quickly lowered her body, seating herself fully in Inuyasha’s lap. 

 

They both groaned at the new contact, Inuyasha’s hands returning to her hips to hold her steady while each of them adjusted to the feeling of her wet heat pressed up against his erection through the fabric of their clothes.  Kagome gave an experimental buck of her hips, and was gratified when her lover’s head fell back and he collapsed against Goshinboku.  She continued to ride him with short, measured strokes, having to resist the temptation to throw self-control the winds and blindly seek out their mutual completion.  It was beyond exhilarating, kneeling over him like this, feeling the evidence of what she was doing to him pressed up against her most intimate flesh, and knowing that but for the barrier of their clothing, he would be able to feel exactly what he was doing to her as well. 

 

A cold wind blew through suddenly, the frigid caress against her back sending a violent shudder through her and drawing a choked gasp from deep within her throat.  Her arms flew to her chest in a futile attempt to shield herself, but before she could even think to seek out something to cover herself with, Inuyasha’s suikan was draped gently over her shoulders.  She quickly slipped her arms through the sleeves and closed the heavy robe around her, shivering slightly.  The grateful smile she adopted for his benefit was met with a concerned stare, and a despondent frown which spoke of apology. 

 

_I’m sorry there’s nowhere else we can go.  I don’t even own a hut…_

 

Kagome shook her head, her smile brightening even further.  She briefly considered her bedroom at home, but that was impossible.  Even if her window wasn’t locked, Inuyasha couldn’t exactly leap them up to the second floor in his current condition.  And she didn’t want to see her family right now, or anyone else who might ruin the mood.  Besides, Inuyasha’s apparent belief that this location left something to be desired was misplaced.  Aside from the slightly chilly temperatures, this beautiful evening was nothing short of perfection. 

 

_You and I are here together.  I have everything I could ever want._

 

If her ardent gaze didn’t convince him, then her kiss most certainly would.  Sweet and loving, it brought them back to where they had started, sharing their first true kiss what seemed like so long ago.  In that moment they remembered how it felt to learn that love flourished between them, and they cherished the indomitable throbbing of two hearts as one.  Time seemed to slow once again as they held each other, as if life would immediately cease if they let go.  But even the smallest of unconscious movements served to remind them of their intimate position, and of the raw passion which had been momentarily suppressed, but never quelled.  Their kiss took on a fervid edge, as this time Kagome held captive Inuyasha’s lower lip, inflicting upon it sweet torture.  Then she sat up, grinding herself firmly into his lap, and stared down at him with more than a tinge of hunger in her gaze.  Inuyasha had enjoyed his fun.  Now it was her turn. 

 

He seemed paralyzed, the delicious shockwaves emanating from his lower body rendering him incapable of resistance as she slowly drew apart the folds of his hadagi.  His lean, muscled torso called out to her, a feast for the eyes as well as the hands, and she set out to sample him to her heart’s content with both.  Her questing fingers roamed more bravely over his body now, her intent to please rather than explore.  No longer was she content to shyly toy with his nipples; instead, she reciprocated his treatment of her sensitive buds, earning a pleasured hiss from him.  His darkened orbs burned with promise, but either he had decided that turnabout was fair play, or he was temporarily incapable of stopping her from doing as she saw fit.  When his eyes squeezed tightly shut after a more powerful thrust of her hips, his breath coming in shallow pants, she became increasingly convinced that it was the latter. 

 

From here, Kagome made it her mission to drive Inuyasha to the brink of insanity.  She attacked his neck with her lips once more, while her fingers traced each abdominal muscle with painstaking consideration.  The first time she scratched him with a fingernail was an accident, but the intensity of his reaction encouraged her to do it again.  He convulsed against her with each light scrape and graze, sending matching tremors radiating through her core.  Soon they were both breathing heavily, wordless gasps and grunts providing ample evidence of their mutual fervor.  Finally Inuyasha drew her up for a searing kiss, one which made everything below their necks turn to liquid.  Time stopped, as did their hips, the reprieve allowing Inuyasha to regain control of his faculties.  Kagome felt the change come over him, as he shifted his backside toward the tree, simultaneously pulling his erection away from her and allowing him to tilt her head back to take control of the kiss.  She moaned as his tongue plunged into her moist cavern, deeper than ever before, his satisfied growl vibrating through her entire being, making her tingle from head to toe. 

 

His kiss became gentler then, coaxing her to move with him rather than trying to devour her from the inside out.  Kagome gasped as his hands came to rest on her exposed knees, the unexpected touch leaving goose bumps in its wake as he advanced methodically northward.  His clever digits slipped beneath the suikan, then her skirt, finally reaching the outer hem of her panties before descending once more, the lightest touch of his nails on her outer thighs tearing the breath from her lungs.  He leaned forward to nibble on her neck, his hands gradually working their way over the tops of her legs to the forbidden realm that lay between.  A strangled moan broke past her lips at his first tender caress upon the sensitive flesh of her inner thigh, and she pitched forward, leaning her head against his shoulder for support.  She continued to lie there bonelessly, shudders intermittently wracking her small frame, as his fingers drew closer and closer to the area which burned most fervently for his touch.  But he seemed intent on teasing her, denying her the pleasure she sought while setting the rest of her nerves aflame with want.  It was with the last thread of her sanity that she realized she had the power to dramatically alter his sense of urgency. 

 

Kagome would never be able to describe the sound Inuyasha made when she reached down with one hand and firmly grasped his straining erection through his hakama.  If he wasn’t already sitting, he surely would have toppled over, courtesy of uncontrollable spasms in his legs.  She pumped him experimentally a few times, and was gratified when his fingers dug into her thighs with each stroke, though not uncomfortably so.  A dazed grin worked its way to her features, but it was short-lived.  Inuyasha bent down and took her earlobe between his lips, tending to it as though he was kissing her.  Then, with her reeling from this new sensation and her stroking of his cock all but stilled, he turned his hand over and pressed it to her cloth-covered core. 

 

“Oh, fuck!” he muttered, the first words either of them had spoken since he had asked her if she was sure she wanted to make love.  If some small part of him had still doubted her answer to that question, feeling how wet she was must have quashed any lingering uncertainties.  She had never been so hot in her entire life, and her love fluids had long ago soaked through her panties.  The schoolgirl in her wanted to feel embarrassed, but the look of absolute amazement on Inuyasha’s face chased those ridiculous thoughts away.  He had become incredibly hard during their lovemaking, but he obviously hadn’t expected her to be as aroused as she was.  Perhaps he had been mentally incapable of imaging that a woman could become so excited by his touch.  Kagome could understand why, considering his past.  She cradled his cheeks and kissed him deeply, trying once again to convey her love, and the convictions she had always held dear. 

 

 _This is what you do to me, Inuyasha.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not desirable._  

 

He returned her kiss, love and gratitude flowing off of him in waves.  Then, before she could properly prepare herself, his hand began gently stroking her through her panties.  She tore her lips away from him, suddenly unable to get enough oxygen to satisfy her skyrocketing need.  She didn’t try to hide her pleasure, not from him, as her hips began moving of her own accord, riding his hand the same way she had ridden his erection before.  He watched her intently, barely daring to blink.  She could feel his confidence growing with every gasp, every broken breath, as her heart swelled in response to the emotions she could see playing across his features through her own lowered eyelashes.  Eventually she decided that he deserved some pleasure as well, and reached down to grasp his erection once more.  But he plucked her hand away, bringing it to his lips and planting several tender kisses upon it as his eyes glowed with a roguish light.  Slowly a small yet sultry smirk worked its way onto his features, the sight warming Kagome both in a purely carnal sense, and from the knowledge that this was her doing.  She had inspired this new Inuyasha, assured in his desirability and confident in her love.  He had always been there, deep down, but she had drawn him to the surface.  It was the single sexiest thing she had ever seen. 

 

Faced with such determination, Kagome could only give up and let him have his way.  She would make him feel _very_ good later, of that she was certain.  Her acquiescence pleased him, she could tell.  He kissed her again, chastely yet passionately, then pulled back just enough to gaze into her eyes as he reached inside her panties to caress the source of her liquid heat directly.  Her entire body seized at the contact, wringing a muffled cry from her which might have originally been a syllable or two from his name.  For a moment Inuyasha held still, allowing her to regain a sliver of her composure.  Then he began moving his fingers, gingerly running them through her folds.  She inhaled a shuddering breath, clamping down on her lower lip as her hands clutched at his shoulders, needing the support lest the currents of her desire carry her away. 

 

She was slipping, teetering toward something miraculous.  His fingers moved cautiously against her, as though investigating a strange new marvel.  After the shock of the initial contact, her pleasure seemed something of a mystery to him, but one which he was determined to solve.  His touches so far had been enough to bring to life the fires in her blood, but stoking them to a mighty blaze would require more.  Inuyasha seemed to understand this, his tentative caresses gradually giving way to firmer strokes.  But although she would never say this out loud, the only word Kagome could think of to describe his attempts was ‘clumsy.’  His fingers meandered, seemingly at random, never doing the same thing in the same location for long.  She was thoroughly unprepared when he slipped the tip of his middle finger inside her opening, and had to stifle a grimace at the sudden intrusion.  Fortunately, he noticed her discomfort. 

 

His movements became even less refined after that, and Kagome opened her eyes to find him frowning in consternation, his pupils dilating with the beginnings of panic.  Deciding to end his suffering, she reached down and gently pulled his hand away from her.  He hung his head, his entire body slumping in dejection.  She had to bend down in order to see his eyes, and even then he refused to meet her gaze.  What was supposed to be a ‘wonderful memory’ was well on its way to becoming a disappointing and embarrassing experience for him.  The male ego was apparently a fragile thing.  For all his bluster and bravado, not being able to please her would clearly screw with Inuyasha’s psyche in a big way.  Kagome had to resist the urge to roll her eyes.  He was being _way_ too hard on himself.  It wasn’t as though anything he did had felt _bad_ , except perhaps for a few isolated moments of discomfort.  Most of it actually felt quite good; it just hadn’t been enough to move her much closer to completion.  His inexperience was bound to catch up with him at some point, she supposed.  The will was clearly there, but the knowledge was not. 

 

Again, he was being too hard on himself.  His touch had been sufficient to maintain the sweltering heat gripping her body, the torrid pace of her blood as it coursed through her veins.  She was more than ready to continue her upward climb toward that wondrous peak.  Fortunately, she knew enough about her own body to realize what she needed now.  She had never brought herself to orgasm before, but she had experimented a few times, and possessed the second-hand knowledge that came with being a child of the modern world.  Their lovemaking was far from over.  Inuyasha thought he had disappointed her sexually by failing to give her an orgasm?  Little did he know that with a little guidance, he would yet take her there.  She leaned forward and captured his lips, forcing his head back in a move that was too provocative to be misinterpreted as an expression of forgiveness.  His eyes followed her as she pulled away, bewilderment dominating his countenance, especially after a small, seductive smile curled the corners of her lips.  Now that she had his attention, she wrapped her lithe fingers around his hand and, making sure their gazes were locked, brought his fingers to the small nub near the junction of her labia, which he had only ghosted over before. 

 

Kagome’s mind disconnected for a moment.  Her head fell back, buzzing as though from an electric shock, her view of Goshinboku’s branches above her swimming in and out of focus.  Dimly she heard a feminine, wordless moan, the sound extremely erotic despite her momentary confusion.  Was that really her voice?  Then the sensations cascaded down upon her all at once, thrusting her back into reality just in time to feel the end of her lustful vocalization vibrate in her throat.  Inuyasha, who had withdrawn his fingers due to her reaction, carefully delved back in and pressed more firmly on the same spot.  She hissed and raised her hips involuntarily, pulling away from him, her body nearly spasming out of her control.  _What…what was that?_   Overwhelming pleasure, to the point of pain.  It astounded her, the intensity of the sensations running through her.  _I never knew…my body could be so sensitive._   She couldn’t take any more of those firm strokes.  But she wanted more of his touch, needed it as surely as she needed oxygen.  Reaching down between them, she lowered her hips and once again drew Inuyasha’s hand toward her. 

 

He explored her cautiously, avoiding her clitoris at first, his fingers massaging the damp flesh all around it, teasing her into a frenzy.  She longed for his direct touch, yet feared that it would be too much.  Then the tip of his finger slowly drew across the surface of her swollen nub, the feather-light caress sending tingles dancing across her skin and tearing a ragged moan of pure bliss from her throat.  Inuyasha continued to tease her, occasionally rewarding her fraying patience with a wonderfully soft stroke to her love button.  Gradually the delay between these touches decreased, as the coil inside her wound ever tighter.  Her hands clamped down on his wrist, her message abundantly clear.  _Don’t…stop.  Please, don’t stop._  

 

Though Inuyasha complied with her silent demand, he did managed to surprise her.  His free hand pushed aside the suikan, exposing her chest and allowing his lips to resume their previous activities.  If his attentions at her core remained tender, his veneration of her breasts did not.  Her nipples were still hard from earlier, and without warning he took one between his lips and began suckling steadily.  Her back arched in rapture, a cry of ecstasy echoing throughout the clearing, his stimulation of her breasts proving a delightful contrast to his gentle caresses down below.  His free hand grasped her other breast, kneading the soft flesh as he intensified his assault on her senses.  He was worshiping her now, loving her body with the same adoration he felt for her heart, her soul.  But although all thoughts of anything other than her lover’s touch had been driven from Kagome’s mind, the outside world would not be ignored so easily. 

 

The wind’s frigid embrace brought everything to a sudden halt, time itself seeming to stall along with her heartbeat as every muscle in her exposed torso drew taut as a bowstring.  Her jaw worked helplessly, no air passing in or out until finally a violent shudder ripped through her, allowing her to inhale a massive breath.  Even now, she couldn’t say whether the wind’s caress had been wondrous or tortuous, whether she had loved it or hated it.  But another such gust might be her undoing, so she closed the suikan with quaking hands and threw her arms around Inuyasha’s neck, pressing her torso tightly against him.  He kissed her temple as if in apology, but she shook her head.  He had nothing to be sorry for, especially as he resumed his ministrations at her core. 

 

The fire in her blood swelled to a rampant burn, a glorious conflagration which threatened to consume her.  Inuyasha’s fingers intensified their movements, now exerting near constant pressure against her nub as they circled around it, often stroking it directly or delving lower to massage the rest of her sodden flesh.  It was all Kagome could do to bite her lip and limit herself to soft gasps, punctuated by the occasional mewl of irrepressible delight.  Something wild rose within her, summoned by all-consuming ecstasy and made even more frenzied by the exhilarated panting of the man beneath her.  His masculine, woodsy scent filled her nostrils, tinged with sweat from his excitement.  She considered reaching down to touch him as well, but she didn’t trust herself to do anything except hang on for dear life, and she didn’t want to give him any reason to stop what he was doing with his fingers. 

 

Finally she sensed her impending climax, a mysterious, almost frightening entity rapidly approaching in the distance.  Inuyasha continued to drive her inexorably toward it with unceasing strokes, never letting up for even a moment.  Soon she found herself gazing into the unknown, a great abyss laid out before her.  But Inuyasha was here with her, in her heart and in her thoughts, and as she teetered over the edge of something devastatingly beautiful, she smiled at the knowledge that it was he who would let her fall. 

 

Her orgasm stole her breath away.  A series of blinding lights flashed behind her eyelids, dazing her mind as electrical currents paralyzed her body, her muscles spasming erratically of their own accord.  Pleasure on the order of the divine cascaded over her, as she released everything she and Inuyasha had built up together.  Pure sensation overwhelmed her, broke her down and yet, sent her soaring on some mystical plane where man was never meant to go.  She lingered there for a seemingly interminable amount of time, floating above the world yet feeling every iota of pleasure surging through her body, as it churned through the rolling peaks of her high and then began its slow descent. 

 

Her own heavy breathing rasped loudly in her ears, as her consciousness returned to her, along with awareness of her physical being.  She had somehow shifted her position, and now lay sideways in Inuyasha’s lap, curled in on herself.  Her legs were clamped tightly together, as though her body had known that she had reached her limit, that _feeling_ anything more might destroy her.  One of his hands was soothingly caressing her back, though his heartbeat thundered in her ear and his breathing was still fairly rapid.  She decided to allow herself a few moments to enjoy this, her lips drifting upwards in a lazy smile.  The aftershocks of her orgasm continued to ripple through her, as she lay cossetted in her lover’s embrace.  Finally, when she felt that her body was once again more or less completely under her control, she used her leaden arms to push herself into a sitting position.  

 

Part of her expected Inuyasha to be wearing a big shit-eating grin, but Kagome was glad to find that this was not the case.  Sure, his male ego had undoubtedly received a boost, but the dark eyes which gazed back at her mostly reflected amazement, relief, and gratitude.  Perhaps in this moment, he was simply too happy and too humbled by her love to be arrogant.  This was not to say that his lust had subsided; if anything, her ecstasy had only drawn it closer to the surface.  His erection practically throbbed against her hip, and his gaze quickly took on a wicked glint.  Then, in a move which was far too erotic to be chalked up to mere indulgence of curiosity, he raised his hand—the one which had given her so much pleasure—and brought it to his lips, sampling her essence with his tongue. 

 

Kagome licked her own lips in response, her blood heating at the unrestrained desire dancing in his gaze.  Quickly deciding that it was now his turn to experience pleasure beyond all imagination, she raised herself onto her knees and leaned over him, capturing his lips in a scorching kiss.  She tasted something new as she delved into his heated cavern, her tongue tangling with his, and the realization that it must be the heady flavor of her own essence only encouraged her to step up her assault.  Inuyasha groaned beneath her, his hands finding purchase on her hips, perhaps just for something to hold onto as he surrendered to her unrelenting onslaught against his senses.  He apparently didn’t notice as she reached down and loosened waist of his hakama, only fumbling once or twice.  He most certainly did react, however, when she delved inside his clothing and firmly grasped his cock in both hands. 

 

She swallowed his broken moan, refusing to release his lips as he trembled beneath her.  His member was almost painfully hot, nearly burning her palms.  Even her lightest touch caused it to swell even further.  She might have imagined that it was a separate organism, actively seeking her touch, except for the uncontrollable shudders wracking Inuyasha’s frame.  She began to stroke him, gently at first and then more confidently, loving all of the ways his body involuntarily told her how fantastic it felt.  His hands fell away from her hips and grasped his own hakama instead, fisting tightly in the material.  His breath fanned ever more rapidly against her cheeks, yet she maintained their kiss, even as his tongue seemed to lose strength as his mind became more and more intoxicated by what her hands were doing.  He bucked against her the first time she pulled back his foreskin and caressed the head of his cock directly, and thereafter she took delight in repeating and intensifying the motion, driving him to the brink of utter madness.  Finally he tore his lips away from her, his body needing more oxygen than he could obtain by breathing solely through his nose. 

 

“Fuck…’gome…fuck!” 

 

She grinned at his explicit mutterings, but then her lips quirked into a slight frown.  If Inuyasha still possessed the mental capacity to form words, then she could do better.  With a surge of nervousness, she realized that it was time to move on.  She could undoubtedly finish him like this, but she knew of something which would likely feel even more incredible for him.  And with her body heating once more as a result of his erotic display, she felt that she was ready for the next step in their lovemaking.  She released his cock and pulled away from him, moving to stand a few paces in front of him.  His eyes focused on her, blearily at first, and his mouth opened, probably to demand to know why she had stopped.  But his question died on his lips, and he observed in stunned silence as she unfastened her skirt, allowing it to slide past her hips and pool around her ankles.  Then, after tossing him a tiny smile which she hoped was seductive despite her nerves, she slid her panties down her legs as well. 

 

Straightening slowly, she watched as Inuyasha’s eyes perused her form, starting at her shins and gradually moving up her thighs.  His gaze lingered on her damp patch of curls, glistening in the moonlight, before taking in the flat expanse of her stomach topped by the soft peaks of her breasts, partially concealed by the suikan she wore.  Would she be so bold as to stand naked before him, allowing him to see her, _all_ of her, without the comforting weight of the suikan resting upon her shoulders?  Perhaps not, but Inuyasha didn’t seem to mind.  Finally his ardent gaze reached her face, which he found beaming lovingly down at him.  His jaw had long since dropped open, the muscles of his throat working soundlessly as he stared at her in absolute disbelief.  Finally he reached toward her, the desperate longing of an unworthy mortal hopelessly pining for a goddess, unsure if she was truly about to bestow upon him the indescribable blessing of her affections.  Kagome shook her head, her smile turning wry.  One day, she would convince Inuyasha that he was just as desirable as she, and that she was just as lucky to have him as he was to have her.  For now, all she could do was show him how much she loved him.  Hopefully that would be enough. 

 

She returned to his arms, settling over him with her knees placed on either side of his hips.  They shared a sweet kiss, and then Kagome leaned back to gaze down between them. 

 

“W-w-wait!” Inuyasha suddenly cried, causing her to freeze. 

 

“Wh-what’s w-wrong?” she asked, her own vocal cords having difficulty functioning properly.   

 

“We…can’t,” he told her, sounding as though he would rather have disemboweled himself with Tetsusaiga than speak those horrible words.  The utter dejection in his tone gave Kagome an idea of what the issue was, and she grinned in amusement. 

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because…what if…what if you…”

 

“Get pregnant?”

 

His stunned expression told Kagome that she’d hit the nail on the head.  She almost laughed.  Count on Inuyasha to consider the consequences of his actions at the _last_ possible instant.  This was his old ‘fight first, think later’ mentality rearing its ugly head in an entirely different context.  _Oh, well, better late than never I suppose_.  She was very glad that at least she had considered the possibility before, and had an answer ready. 

 

“Don’t worry, Inuyasha.  I can’t get pregnant tonight.” 

 

“B-b-but, how—”

 

“Trust me,” she interrupted, an element of beseeching in her tone.  The last thing she wanted to do right now was give her would-be lover a crash course on the menstrual cycle.  Fortunately, Inuyasha hesitated only a moment before nodding resolutely, his complete faith in her readily apparent.  He grinned sheepishly, shrugging as if to say, _this is what you get for falling in love with a baka._   This time Kagome did laugh, a warm chuckle that quickly proved contagious.  In the jovial atmosphere, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him sweetly.  It started out chastely, an expression of pure joy, but quickly took on a heated edge, the passion ebbing and flowing between them as they indulged in the heady taste of each other for several minutes.  In the end, it had the effect of taking them back to the moment before Inuyasha’s foolish declaration, and putting both of them in the proper mood once more. 

 

Kagome leaned back, gazing down at Inuyasha’s body with no small amount of trepidation.  Was it natural to wonder how that thing was supposed to fit inside her?  Probably.  But that was just her inexperience talking.  There was no way she was allowing this night to end with her virginity still intact.  She could probably make the process a little easier on herself though, she realized, and she didn’t think her lover would mind.  She was still wet from before, and the skillful ministrations of her own fingers only served to increase the natural lubrication.  Inuyasha watched her as she touched herself, unable to resist stroking his own cock in time with her movements, his eyes darkening with lust.  She took the middle finger from her right hand, which was already bathed in her juices, and pressed it to her opening.  She hissed at the intrusion, only slightly from discomfort, and even that soon faded away.  Inuyasha’s hand came to rest on her lower stomach, silently seeking permission.  Her response was to remove her hand and guide his to take its place, first coating it with her fluids and then allowing him to insert his finger as well.  As with her own smaller digit, her tender flesh ached at first, then grew used to the new invasion. 

 

Finally he withdrew, his eyes boring into her own, silently asking if she was ready.  She smiled, reaching down between them and grasping his erection, figuring that more than answered his question.  His eyes wanted to roll back in his head, but he kept them focused on her, obviously wishing to watch her as they joined for the first time.  She reciprocated, gazing deeply into his eyes as she positioned the head of his cock at her entrance, and began lowering herself upon it.  She stifled a gasp, the sensations produced by their union proving strange at best, painful at worst.  But she ignored the sensory input, choosing instead to focus on the love in his eyes as she forced herself to maintain a gradual pace, until at last she was seated against his hips, and he was fully inside her. 

 

She closed her eyes and took deep, steadying breaths.  Truthfully, it had not been as bad as she feared.  The invasion was unpleasant, but the discomfort was slowly fading away, aided undoubtedly by her earlier orgasm and her current state of arousal.  For a few moments she forgot everything else, as her body gradually adjusted to the mass of hard flesh penetrating her.  Eventually, a soft grunt reminded her that this mass of flesh had an owner.  She opened her eyes to find Inuyasha grimacing, his hands once again fisted in the fabric of his hakama.  Kagome could only imagine how amazing it felt to be enveloped in her wet heat.  That he was enduring the sweet torture of holding himself still for her sake warmed her heart, and encouraged her to once again pursue her true objective.  At long last, she would get to see Inuyasha’s face as he reached his own earth-shattering climax. 

 

Gingerly she raised her hips, her insides clutching at him, the friction wringing a choked gasp from her lover as she withdrew so that only the tip remained in contact with her, then lowered herself until he was sheathed fully within her once more.  She repeated this motion, watching Inuyasha’s reaction all the while.  His eyes did roll back this time, his head knocking audibly against the tree behind him.  He began to pant, his breathing punctuated by grunts of ecstasy, his scattered attempts to form words no longer coherent.  Kagome increased her pace even more, ignoring the lingering ache of their joining in her determination to make her lover lose himself completely, to drive him toward the same rapture that he had bestowed upon her. 

 

Gradually she noticed a change in her own body.  Her head fell back as well, her mouth falling open as the cause of her heavy breathing ceased to be merely physical exertion.  Inuyasha raised his hips to meet her every downward thrust, penetrating deeply inside her with each stroke.  The low burn of discomfort gradually became something else.  Once the newness of this act completely faded away, Kagome knew it was something she would enjoy very much.  That was something to look forward to, but for tonight, she could tell that the fire would probably remain in check.  And that was perfectly fine with her.  She listened as her lover found his pleasure, the muffled impacts of their flesh resonating in time with his panting, his rasping groans scattered seemingly at random.  Her eyes drifted open to view the boughs of Goshinboku above her, the sight bringing a contented smile to her countenance.  Was it crazy to feel that the tree itself was blessing their union, protecting them from any harm?  She didn’t see Kirara, but she knew the fire-cat was there as well, watching over them.  Was it possible to feel any more blessed than she did right now? 

 

Inuyasha’s vocalizations became louder, more urgent, and she sensed that he was nearing his peak.  But unfortunately, her own muscles were growing tired, and even with his hands latched onto her waist and lending support, she wasn’t sure how long she could keep this up.  She grabbed one of his wrists and tugged meaningfully, and that was all the signal Inuyasha needed.  He quickly flipped them over, remembering at the last instant to cushion her fall.  The soft grass and soil underneath her helped, and though the suikan could not completely shield her back from the coolness of the ground, she could bear it easily.  Especially when Inuyasha raised her legs and practically lunged into her, the new angle drawing a ragged moan from her as fresh sparks burst behind her eyes. 

 

Within moments, she sensed the rapid approach of Inuyasha’s climax.  He grunted with each thrust, his eyelids screwed tightly shut above her.  But she wanted to see his eyes, and a gentle caress of his cheek drew them open.  He gulped at the love she showed him as he gazed down at her, slowing his pace just long enough to plant a lingering kiss on her lips.  Supporting himself above her with his left hand, he sought out her hand with his right, entwining their fingers.  Then he resumed thrusting in earnest, no longer able to hold himself back.  Kagome’s gasps wove together with his guttural cries as his rhythm quickened, then faltered with impending release.  She wrapped her legs around his backside, encouraging him to find his completion.  Finally he went rigid against her, his body twitching in ecstasy as he climaxed with a silent cry.  Kagome clutched his hand tightly as she felt his seed pouring into her, in one of the most intimate sensations she had ever known.  Then he collapsed on top of her, inhaling oxygen as though on the verge of drowning.  She found that she loved his presence there, above her and inside her as he basked in the afterglow, yet never allowing his full weight to rest on her.  She ran her hands along his back as their heart rates and breathing slowed, wearing a contented smile all the while. 

 

Finally he withdrew, then flopped onto his back next to her, their hands releasing only for a moment to adjust to the new position.  He met her gaze, his lips adopting a matching smile.  It soon fell, replaced partially by forgotten worry, but no regret.  _Thank you, Kagome.  I don’t want this to be our last night together, but if it is…then I can die happy._  

 

Kagome sniffled, blinking back tears.  Their lovemaking had allowed her to forget Inuyasha’s dire situation, but now cold reality settled over them, causing her to shiver.  Her chest remained warm, however, for like her lover, she too held no regrets. 

 

Inuyasha settled against Goshinboku and pulled Kagome into his lap, cuddling her against his chest.  They shared several more kisses before they fell asleep, bittersweet affairs overflowing with emotion.  Were they kisses of goodbye, or the first kisses of a new life together? 

 

Only time would tell. 


	8. Desires of the Heart

Inuyasha gazed toward the eastern sky, which was just beginning to lighten with the first signs of the approaching dawn.  He had dozed fitfully during the night, more due to fatigue than an actual desire to sleep.  Now he was more or less fully awake, and fully intent on remaining that way.  There was no guarantee that his youkai side would return at sunrise as it usually did, but he could not help but regard the break of day as some momentous event, when his life would irreversibly turn down one of two very different paths.  The first led toward a bright future, toward Kagome’s arms and all of the dreams which he now knew they shared together.  The other…

 

Kagome stirred, whimpering in her sleep, and he pulled her closer against his chest.  She settled down then, but her expression remained troubled.  No doubt her dreams were haunted by the same phantoms which cast their shadows over his waking moments.  There was no escaping it, what was about to happen.  Normally the inevitability of a fight would only embolden him, harden his resolve.  But this wasn’t an enemy he could slay.  When his youkai side returned, it would renew the civil war within him, and spark a conflict which might very well tear him apart.  His heart would be fighting against his very nature, made stronger by his own foolish choices.  He had given in to lingering weakness and surrendered to a desire of the past, ignoring what had been right in front of him all along.  That was the most frightening thing about this, he realized.  He had never gone into battle with so clear an understanding of what he stood to lose. 

 

The idea of it tore at him, the thought that this might be the last time he held her.  He rested his cheek against the top of her head, savoring the feeling of her raven locks against his skin.  Part of him wanted to wake her, to kiss her until both of them forgot the approaching cataclysm.  But she had been through enough.  Let her sleep, baka.  Let her sleep. 

 

He shifted slightly, so the baggy folds of his hakama better shielded her bare legs from the cool breeze.  He had done his best to keep her warm, once their passion subsided.  His suikan covered most of her frame, and he had kept his arms around her as well, the sleeves of his hadagi providing another layer of protection.  She hadn’t shivered at all, so he must have done well enough.  It wasn’t really that cold out, aside from the wind.  If it had been, he was sure Kirara would have transformed into her larger form and let them rest against her body.  Thinking of the fire-cat gave him an idea, and after a few moments of debate, he decided it was a good one. 

 

“Kirara!” he whispered, just loudly enough for the sensitive-eared feline to hear him.  The leaves of the tree above them rustled softly in response, as she leapt to the ground and gazed up at him quizzically. 

 

“I need you to do something for me,” he told her, hoping she would understand.  “When my youkai side comes back, I need you to drop Kagome into the well.  She _can’t_ be here.  I…I need to know that she’s safe.” 

 

Kirara stared at him, then mewed, the vocalization sounding like assent.  Then she leapt onto his leg and nudged his arm with her nose, as if to say ‘you wake me up and ask me to do something, now you have to pet me.’  Inuyasha grinned wryly but nevertheless began to scratch her in the manner he knew she liked.  _I wonder if she really understood me,_ he pondered as she started purring.  He was almost positive, sure enough so that it really served no purpose to continue worrying about it.  Kirara had proven herself far more intelligent than her feline mannerisms would lead one to believe.  She would do as he asked.  Whether Kagome would cooperate…well, that was another matter entirely.  But the alternative was far worse.  He could try to put Kagome to bed in her own time right now, but in his human form there was no way he could carry her out of the well without waking her.  His movements would never be smooth enough; she wasn’t heavy, but she was much _heavier_ to him now.  And when she did wake up and realize what he was doing, she would resist, tell him she wanted to stay by his side and support him in any way she could.  The result would be a huge fight, and he couldn’t stomach the thought of separating from her on those terms. 

 

So although doing things the underhanded way made him feel a little guilty, it was undoubtedly the best of a set of bad options.  With any luck, Kagome wouldn’t be able to gather her bearings and return through the portal before the battle within him had been decided.  And if he lost that battle, then hopefully his victorious youkai side would be satisfied with only destroying the well behind her.  His arms tightened around her reflexively, drawing a small sigh from her.  It was a sound which he wouldn’t mind hearing every day for the rest of their lives.  His eyes narrowed in determination.  If he knew one thing for sure, it was this: if he lost himself today, it would not be due to weakness of will or of heart.  Thanks to the girl in his arms, he possessed both in abundant supply. 

 

But would it be enough?  Only time would tell.  His current humanity was one encouraging sign.  It told him that he had never actually become a true full-youkai, though he had certainly moved closer to that end of the spectrum.  He would never be able to specify the exact ratio, but it had been _very_ close.  Close enough to allow him to transform like his half-brother, though even then the signs had been there, in the form of his smaller size and imperfect physical appearance.  At the time he had interpreted those as consequences of his own inexperience, but now he realized that they likely meant something else entirely. 

 

Clearly the foreign youki was suppressing his humanity.  So it stood to reason that if he could drive out the foreign youki, his humanity would recover and he would become a hanyou again, thereby allowing him to regain control of his mind along with all of the power and abilities he had come to cherish.  It was not a completely novel situation.  He had been strong enough to regain control of his own rampant youkai side during the battle against Ryuukotsusei.  The only difference was that here he would be fighting against both his own youkai side and the foreign youki…or his own youkai side as it was bolstered by the foreign youki.  He wasn’t sure exactly how that worked, whether they were separate entities or had combined into one.  In the latter case, he would need to separate them and drive only the invader out.  A daunting proposition, but as he’d told Kagome, he had to try.  His hand drifted subconsciously down to Tetsusaiga, grasping the hilt tightly.  His beloved sword had gone dormant as his behavior grew more extreme, and would not respond to him now due to his humanity.  But he prayed that it would somehow be able to help him weather the coming storm.  He needed all the help he could get. 

 

Logically, it would be best if that storm struck soon, before Kagome woke.  But part of him dreaded the cessation of these peaceful moments, inevitable though it might be, and wished that the day would never come.  But the eastern sky continued to lighten as sun approached ever closer, its inexorable march both unrelenting and unforgiving.  He found himself growing almost angry at the sun, for daring to intrude upon his paradise.  His heartbeat quickened, his body preparing itself for a fight.  Logically, he knew the struggle would not be physical in nature, but he didn’t bother trying to calm down.  It seemed natural to ready for battle in this way, to feel heated blood rushing through his veins.  His elevated breathing was a comfort, and he embraced the excitement, along with the steely resolve which came with it.  Everything he had survived so far, every cruelty or attempt on his life, had prepared him for this moment. 

 

He would not let this dawn be his last. 

 

Finally the sun emerged from behind the horizon, the first sliver of golden light slicing through the morning mist.  And nothing happened.  _Damn…talk about anticlimactic._   Inuyasha sighed, leaning his head back against Goshinboku.  He had been ready, but of course fate couldn’t just throw him a bone once in a while.  Now he had absolutely no idea when his youkai side would return.  It was like having to be prepared for an attack that could come at any time.  Or trying to anticipate the moment of his own execution. 

 

He shook his head, refusing to feel sorry for himself.  He had the girl he loved in his arms, they’d shared a wonderful night together, and he was going to make damn sure that he never broke her heart again.  He and Kagome had the rest of their lives to look forward to.  And that was all the motivation he needed to give it everything he had, and let the chips fall where they may. 

 

 _Come on, you bastard…I’m ready._  

 

* * *

 

Kagome woke with a start, jerked out of her nice, cozy slumber courtesy of a rough shove which sent her tumbling to the cold ground.  Her head spun for a few moments, but the strained, wordless sounds escaping from Inuyasha’s throat encouraged her to gather her bearings quickly.  It was obviously he who had woken her, and now he stood a few meters from where they’d rested against the tree, doubled over in pain.  As she watched, he sank to his knees and finally collapsed onto his side, his violently shaking legs no longer able to support him. 

 

“Inuyasha!” she cried, rising to her feet, only to be snatched off of them and pulled into the air by a set of jaws latching onto the back of the suikan she wore.  She could feel Kirara’s nose pressing against her skin, as the fire-cat carried her off in a direction which Kagome recognized instantly.  There was absolutely no doubt in her mind as to who had put their feline companion up to this.  Every fiber of Kagome’s being screamed at her not to let this happen.  She _needed_ to be here with him, even if she couldn’t do anything to help.  Why couldn’t Inuyasha understand that?  If she allowed herself to be pulled away now, she would never forgive herself.  But she couldn’t hurt Kirara, who was her friend and was only trying to protect her.  That left but one option.  She lifted her arms and allowed her body to slip through the suikan, hoping that the ground wasn’t too far away. 

 

It wasn’t, though she still landed somewhat awkwardly, settling into an unbalanced crouch with a muffled grunt.  But her ankles were okay, and the soles of her feet hadn’t been punctured by anything sharp, so all in all she felt pretty lucky.  She wasted no time in lurching to her feet and scampering the short distance to where Inuyasha lay facing away from her, trembling severely. 

 

“Inuyasha!” she cried, falling to her knees beside him.  “Inuyasha, please!” 

 

He gave no response to her entreaties, as his obvious suffering continued unabated.  His teeth were gritted, his eyes screwed tightly shut.  Then she felt the telltale rise of his aura, and she knew that the moment of truth had finally arrived. 

 

Suddenly Kirara was by her side.  She nudged her shoulder once, then again, more insistently.  Kagome leaned over Inuyasha, latching onto his hadagi as though that would be enough to anchor her to him if the fire-cat had other ideas. 

 

“Please, Kirara,” she begged, twin tears slipping down her cheeks.  “I need to stay.” 

 

The fire-cat stared at her for a long moment, then uttered a growl which sounded almost like the feline equivalent of a sigh of resignation.  Then she turned her attention to Inuyasha, her keen gaze observing his every move.  Kirara had obviously decided to grant her request, but if it appeared for even a moment that things were going badly, Kagome had no doubt that she would intervene.  The miko muttered her thanks and turned back to the man beneath her. 

 

Inuyasha was in absolute turmoil, his body writhing constantly, never remaining still for even the smallest iota of time.  His pitiful, agonized cries tore at her heart, as his throat became hoarse from the strain.  He was in terrible pain, and it quickly became apparent that he was also in mortal peril.  His ears became formless, shifting to the top of his head, but any fleeting hope was crushed when they didn’t even fully form the canine ears she loved so much, and instead shifted immediately back down to the sides of his head.  Kagome was dismayed, but not surprised when they formed the graceful, pointed ears of his full-fledged youkai self.  At the same time, the purple markings appeared on his cheeks, jagged at first and then growing smoother, until at last they appeared nearly as regal as they had been for the last half month.  All the while, his youki continued to swell, a roiling torrent ready to burst forth and destroy everything in its path.  And finally Kagome was forced to confront cold, merciless reality.  Inuyasha was losing. 

 

She moved just before Kirara did, wrapping her arms around him, her face mere inches from his own.  Her hand found his, grasping it tightly, her every move fueled by the most poignant desperation she had ever known. 

 

“Inuyasha!  Don’t give up!” she screamed, her voice rising to a nearly hysterical pitch.  “You have to fight!  You have to…come back to me.  You have to…”  She trailed off, the sheer chaos of her emotions finally getting the better of her.  But though her vision blurred with tears, she kept her eyes open, unwilling to look away as the man she loved fought for his life. 

 

Kagome would never know if her presence or her words actually made any difference in that moment.  But within seconds, the seemingly unstoppable advancement of his youkai side abruptly ceased.  He hovered on the brink, as though the tiniest push would toppled him into oblivion.  But he refused to fall and, snarling and thrashing, held himself just on the right side of disaster.  One of his hands drifted down to his hip, trembling uncontrollably as it fumbled at Tetsusaiga’s hilt.  Quickly Kagome took his hand and guided his fingers to close around it, feeling a tiny pulse of recognition from the sword as she did so.  The revelation was enough to cause the tiniest seed of hope to germinate with her.  Inuyasha was still in there, still fighting. 

 

What followed was the longest, most terrifying struggle Kagome had ever witnessed.  Inuyasha’s youki ebbed and flowed, rising and receding like the tides.  Dozens, hundreds of evolutions, so many that she lost count.  Several more surges brought him to the edge of calamity, but he never surrendered.  Even as blood trickled from between his lips, and every sound which emerged from his throat rasped from repeated abuse, he continued to struggle.  Until at long last, Kagome noticed a promising development.  No longer were the surges of his youki so strong as to nearly crush his resistance.  No longer did the markings adorning his cheeks straighten to near perfection.  They shifted in time with his youki, but always retained their ragged shape, until finally they began to fade away.  His ears lost their form once more, becoming nothing more than amorphous masses which drifted between the sides and top of his head, gradually shifting more towards the latter.  Through it all, he never released her hand. 

 

She once again feared the worst when a dark, malevolent aura began to emanate from him.  But she quickly realized that the evil presence was radiating outward, and did not seem to penetrate deeper than his skin.  To the contrary, it was almost as though it was being driven out.  She summoned her spiritual energy but hesitated, unsure whether her interference would aid Inuyasha or hamper his efforts.  Then she noticed that the foreign youki was dissipating on its own, unable to maintain its cohesion.  It blew away bit by bit, like ash on the breeze. 

 

It seemed an eternity before Inuyasha’s struggles finally ceased, his growls and cries winding down to heavy breathing.  His ears stood proudly atop his head now, covered in fine white fur.  By then the evil aura had vanished completely, and his own aura felt the same as Kagome remembered, formidable yet gentle, a perfect representation of great power tempered by a loving heart.  Hope blossomed within her, every rise and fall of his chest a balm to her soul.  But she had to be sure.  She would not allow herself to rejoice until she saw his eyes, and confirmed that they were the same golden orbs which she had fallen in love with so long ago. 

 

A squeeze of his hand did not wake him, nor did a light kiss on his cheek, though the latter did cause him to stir.  His ears twitched atop his head, drawing her gaze.  She felt an almost irrepressible desire to touch them, to reacquaint herself with this part of his anatomy which most clearly marked him as an outcast, labeled him as neither human nor youkai, but something in between.  Perhaps now he would finally allow her to show him how much she loved them, and everything they stood for. 

 

His ear flicked away at the first tentative touch of her finger, but the motion seemed to be merely one of surprise, and did not repeat itself when she tried again.  A low, contented rumble welled in his chest as she caressed the sensitive appendage, marveling at the softness of his fur.  His ears had probably never been touched like this, she reflected, at least not since his mother’s death.  Sure, she and even her own mother had touched them before, and not cruelly by any means, but not like this.  She was loving his ears now, in a different way from which she had loved his body last night, but with the same passion.  She wished she had both hands free, but he hadn’t released her other one yet, so instead she brought her lips to bear and began planting feather-light kisses to his ear, her hand shifting to massage the other one.  Immediately the steady rumble in his chest faltered, before stopping altogether a few moments later.  Kagome leaned back enough to glimpse his face, the sight of which forced her to blink back tears as she managed a watery smile. 

 

There they were.  Those golden eyes she knew so well, those bright orbs which could glow with so many different emotions, and when his walls dropped could even serve as portals to his soul.  Now they were clouded with confusion, which quickly turned to understanding and surprise. 

 

“I’m…I’m back,” he muttered subconsciously, as though he couldn’t believe his own words. 

 

“You are,” she confirmed, a few rogue tears flowing forth.  Inuyasha frowned, reaching up with his free hand to wipe them away.  He flushed in embarrassment once he realized what he was doing, as though removing her tears had been an almost instinctive response.  But his hand lingered there, not touching her skin, the raven strands of her hair caressing the backs of his fingers. 

 

“And you…stayed with me all this time?” he asked, humility and gratitude dancing in his eyes, along with something else which she had been able to identify for the first time last night, in the dark orbs of his humanity.  Now she recognized it easily, and she was sure her own eyes reflected it right back at him. 

 

“All this time?” she repeated, puzzled by his question.  She glanced over at the position of the sun, noting that it was still much closer to the horizon than it was to its apex.  Confusion dominated his expression for a few moments, before understanding finally dawned. 

 

“Is it really…still that same morning?” he asked, his voice conveying exhaustion. 

 

Kagome nodded, her heart going out to him.  What had probably been minutes for her must have seemed like hours or even days to him, as he struggled within his own private hell.  He shook his head, his disbelief deepening as his eyes began to take on a haunted look.  She squeezed his hand, drawing his attention back to her smiling countenance.  The fleeting shadows left him, and he squeezed back, his lips quirking upwards as well. 

 

“I’m really back.” 

 

This time it was not a question, but a declaration, one which carried with it far more meaning than those three words could ever hope to convey.  Everything they had shared, everything they had dreamed of last night—all of it was within their grasp.  Inuyasha had finally conquered the desires of his past, and could now look forward to the future, with her.  His gaze drifted to her lips, lingering there briefly before he glanced away, blushing in embarrassment.  Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and instead leaned into his hand.  The look in her eyes and her wry smile must have told him all he needed to know, for in the next moment he was leaning toward her, his expression nervous yet hopeful.  She met him halfway, uniting in a kiss which was so similar to their first true kiss the previous evening, their emotions swirling around them, creating a cocoon of unparalleled warmth, where their hearts were laid bare.  They cherished each other, affirmed their reason for existence, in defiance of fate or any other cosmic force which might try to tear them apart again.  It was never going to happen.  If being together was not their destiny, then they would simply rewrite destiny.  At long last, they had discovered what had eluded them for so long.  And they would never let go of it, or of each other. 

 

It was some time before they separated, leaning their foreheads together as their eyes locked, glowing with unbridled happiness.  Finally pragmatism set in, and they turned their attention to the outside world which they had both tuned out for so long.  Inuyasha rose into a sitting position, checking their surroundings with all of his senses.  He apparently didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, but when he turned to look back at Kagome, he froze with a strangled gasp, his eyes going wide as they drifted decidedly lower than her chin.  A glance down at herself informed her of the reason for his odd reaction. 

 

“Eep!” she squeaked, her hands shooting up to cover her chest as both of their faces flamed.  She had been so concerned about Inuyasha’s well-being that she hadn’t even noticed her own nakedness, having not been wearing anything under the suikan which she had slipped out of earlier. 

 

“Put some clothes on, wench,” he muttered as he slapped a hand over his eyes with exaggerated flare, his amusement obvious.  She glowered at him, quickly deciding that this was his fault, since he had asked Kirara to drop her into the well in the first place.  But she couldn’t stay mad at him, not when the sound of his soft chuckling was so pleasant to her ears, and his mirth so contagious.  It also helped when Kirara dropped the discarded suikan over her shoulders, allowing her to feel comfortable once more.  She joined him in laughter, feeling the last of the tension leave her body. 

 

“You know,” she told him after their mirth had subsided, “you really shouldn’t have asked Kirara to send me home.” 

 

Her tone was somewhat scolding, and he opened his mouth, probably to deny that his decision was unwise.  But he seemed to think better of it, and after some inner dialogue, he nodded in acquiescence. 

 

“Yeah…you’re probably right.” 

 

Kagome blinked, then reached up and held her hand to his forehead. 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“You said I was right, so I’m checking for a fever,” she teased. 

 

“Keh!  I ain’t sick, wench.  I always tell you when you’re right,” he declared petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest.  “It’s not my fault you’re not right very often.” 

 

Kagome giggled, somehow delighted to see the childish side of Inuyasha once more.  That part of him had been conspicuously absent during the period of his transformation, innocence and immaturity replaced by aggression.  It was a welcome change, especially when he grinned sheepishly and shrugged, a silent confirmation that he was just joking around.  Kagome wouldn’t mind seeing more of that as well, and given the turn their relationship had taken, she wouldn’t be surprised if she did.  She had, quite simply, never seen Inuyasha this happy before. 

 

While their mutual joy did not wear off, their amusement did.  And when that happened, awkwardness set in.  They stared at each other, neither knowing what to say next, the sudden silence more than a little unsettling.  They glanced away from each other, Inuyasha rubbing the back of his neck, Kagome nibbling on her lower lip.  But while it was uncomfortable, it wasn’t a _bad_ kind of uncomfortable.  After the insanity of Inuyasha’s life and death struggle, this was truly their ‘morning after.’  It was only natural for things to be a little awkward, especially since both of them had previously been virgins.  They just needed to figure out how to return to some semblance of normalcy, given the new parameters of their relationship.  That was a very detached and scientific way of looking at things, but it was true.  And she could start with, as Inuyasha had suggested earlier, putting some clothes on. 

 

“Um…let me go get dressed!” 

 

She climbed to her feet and set about gathering her discarded clothing, then decided that she didn’t want to put any of it back on and fished a new outfit from her bag.  Her blouse was basically ruined anyway, and her other garments were dirty—and not just from actual dirt, in some cases.  That realization brought a rosy hue to her cheeks, and in her distraction she slipped the suikan off her shoulders, only to catch it partway down her back as she finally remembered to check that she wasn’t being watched.  A glance over her shoulder revealed her concern to be legitimate; Inuyasha sat exactly where she had left him, staring unblinkingly at her, sadness and something else smoldering in his gaze.  Kagome couldn’t figure out the reason for the former, but she identified the latter easily enough, as practically the entire expanse of her skin warmed in response.  She waited for him to turn away, but he just continued to stare at her.  _Uh…is he really not going to turn around?_  

 

She had just begun to contemplate whether she should ask him to do so when he came to his senses and spun a quick one-eighty on his backside, his face flaming in mortification.  Kagome sighed in relief.  So he had just been…distracted.  Phew.  She was sure they would get to the point of being comfortable dressing and undressing in front of each other eventually, and perhaps sooner rather than later.  But it was all so new, and they had enough awkwardness between them right now. 

 

After setting a new personal record for getting dressed, she wandered over to him and handed him his suikan. 

 

“Thanks for letting me wear this.” 

 

He nodded in response, that look of sadness still present in his eyes.  Kagome frowned, and decided to ask him about it when he was fully dressed.  After he’d finished adjusting his robes, however, Inuyasha spoke up first. 

 

“How are…your wounds?” 

 

“Oh, they’re fine,” she replied, glad that was all it was.  She swung her arms in circles a few times for good measure.  “See?  They don’t even hurt very much.” 

 

“Can I check them?” 

 

Kagome was struck by a sense of déjà vu.  Again, checking her injuries was far more important for Inuyasha than it was for her.  At her nod, he turned around and she removed her blouse.  Then he removed the bandages and inspected the wounds, relaxing somewhat upon finding that they were already in the process of scabbing over.  She wouldn’t even scar from these.  But they still needed to be covered, so he applied fresh bandages. 

 

“Thanks,” she told him when he’d finished. 

 

He snorted derisively, clearly of the opinion that he didn’t deserve her gratitude.  Kagome wasn’t having that attitude, or the awkwardness which she sensed was about to rise up between them once again.  She strode toward him and wrapped her arms tightly around his torso, leaning her cheek against his chest.  He hesitated, but soon returned her embrace, the tension draining from his body.  Kagome grinned, mentally patting herself on the back.  They loved each other.  If things got awkward, they just needed to remind themselves of that. 

 

Inuyasha seemed much more at ease when they finally parted. 

 

“Ready to head back, Kagome?” 

 

“Head back?” 

 

“To camp!” he declared, as if it should have been obvious.  “If we leave those idiots alone in the wilderness for too long, we might find their bones in a pile of some youkai’s shit.  Sango can take care of herself, but the other two are useless.” 

 

Kagome could debate whether Miroku and Shippou were actually ‘useless,’ but she did share Inuyasha’s concern.  She also realized that she had forgotten to tell him something important. 

 

“Darn it.” 

 

“What’s wrong?” 

 

She shook her head.  “Nothing, really.  It’s just…well, I have a test coming up soon.” 

 

Inuyasha groaned.  “Not another freaking test!  How long?”

 

“Um…five or six days?” 

 

“And when the hell were you planning to mention this, huh?”

 

“Hey, it’s not like you’ve been easy to talk to lately!  I was _planning_ to tell you last night after dinner, but then…”

 

“Oh,” he muttered, all of the fight deserting him in the blink of an eye.  His ears drooped pitifully, his entire demeanor exuding remorse.  Kagome felt her own ire subside just as quickly, and she hugged him again, then leaned up and planted a kiss on his cheek. 

 

“Sorry,” he told her, which was as far as Kagome was concerned, revising something which she had already forgiven him for last night. 

 

“It’s okay.  It’s all in the past.”  

 

He looked like he wanted to argue, but instead he frowned, his eyes going unfocused as he debated something intensely.  Eventually he seemed to come to a decision, and turned to her with a somewhat guarded expression. 

 

“Do you want to…stay in your time?” 

 

Kagome blinked, unable to believe her ears.  “Huh?” was her intelligent response. 

 

Inuyasha scowled, crossing his arms over his chest.  “You heard me, wench.  And don’t touch my damn forehead, either.  I ain’t sick.  I’m bringing you back the _instant_ that stupid test is over.” 

 

She laughed at that.  “You’re really not sick?  Are you possessed then?” 

 

At this, Inuyasha rolled his eyes and took to muttering about ‘wenches who think they’re so damn funny.’  It was funny, but also touching.  From a logical perspective, this had the benefit of letting her get all of her schoolwork done before the test, so she wouldn’t have any excuse to ask for more time in the modern era afterward.  But it was abundantly clear that Inuyasha’s decision was based on something other than cold logic.  The lingering remorse in his expression indicated that he was considering all of the stress and hardship he had put her through recently, and wanted her to rest for a few days.  Perhaps he also realized that a little time apart, so both of them could sort through their feelings after last night, would also be beneficial.  Speaking of their feelings…Kagome knew she needed to clear up a few things before she let him leave. 

 

“Inuyasha?  Can I ask you something?” 

 

“Um…okay,” he replied nervously, her tone having alerted him to the seriousness of her inquiry. 

 

“We’re…together now, right?” 

 

He nodded slowly.  “I…I want that.  Do you…want that?” 

 

“Of course I do!  I just…I can’t go through this again.  I need to know that being with me is enough to make you happy.  And that if you get the chance to become a full-fledged youkai again, you won’t take it.” 

 

He sighed and turned his gaze to the forest around them, seeming to understand the magnitude of the moment.   

 

“You make me happy, Kagome,” he finally admitted.  “Happier than I ever thought I would be, and way happier than I deserve.  But…I’ve wanted to become a full-fledged youkai for so long…”

 

He trailed off, and Kagome held her breath as she waited for him to continue.  Then he cracked a sad smile, and shook his head at his own foolishness. 

 

“It doesn’t matter.  You can’t change who you are physically without changing who you are as a person.  I’ve learned that much from this fucked-up experience.  So…if I ever get that chance again, I might be tempted.  But I won’t go through with it.  Because…you love me the way I am.” 

 

“I do,” she confirmed, reaching up to cup his cheek.  He leaned into her touch, his smile brightening.  Then his expression became serious once more, his ardent gaze boring into hers. 

 

“Do me a favor though.  If I ever have trouble remembering what’s important to me, just remind me…of what I stand to lose.” 

 

Kagome nodded, her throat suddenly dry.  She wanted so badly to kiss him, but she still had one very complicated question which needed answering.  She was fairly certain that she knew the answer at this point, but after all the heartache she’d been through, she needed to be sure. 

 

“And…Kikyou?” 

 

Inuyasha only grimaced slightly, as though he wasn’t surprised by the question.  He pulled away from her, perhaps needing the space to gather his thoughts.  He meandered over to Goshinboku, lightly scratching the bark with his claws as he gazed up into its warm and sheltering boughs.  Kagome seated herself against the well, vowing to give him the time he needed, while trying not to worry too much.  She knew how Inuyasha felt about her.  But this was his first opportunity since returning to his right mind to contemplate where he stood in his relationship with Kikyou, both of them having set aside all thoughts of the other miko last night.  He was obviously going to need some time.  That mantra didn’t completely assuage her nerves, but it did take the edge off.  It also helped when Kirara trotted up to her and hopped into her lap, obviously wanting some attention after a mostly sleepless night.  Without the fire-cat’s diligence, she and Inuyasha wouldn’t have been able to drop their guard, even so close to the well, so their intimacy likely would never have happened.  Kagome made sure Kirara knew how much she appreciated the opportunity.  In the end, she tried to focus on the beautiful morning and the purring feline in her lap, and eventually her mind drifted away from her long wait, as she reveled in the natural splendor of the world around her. 

 

Inuyasha found her with her head tilted back, smiling faintly as she gazed up at the blue sky overhead.  He seemed to have made a decision; his brow was furrowed in determination, and his eyes were guarded.  It was a ‘battle face’ if she had ever seen one.  _Count on Inuyasha to treat having a heartfelt conversation the same as mortal combat_.  She had entertained that reflection before.  Was it really only last night?  So much had happened in such a short time, and the revelations were not finished yet, if she was reading Inuyasha correctly.  He sat next to her, maintaining his silence for several minutes.  Still feeling fairly calm, thanks to her quiet meditation, Kagome waited for him to speak. 

 

“The next time I see Kikyou,” he began sadly, “I’ll apologize for being such an ass.  But I won’t take back what I said about…her and me.  There really isn’t anything between us except for a vow of protection and some memories.  And I think…I’ve known that for a while now.” 

 

Kagome reached over and offered him her hand, which Inuyasha took, entwining their fingers, his eyes letting her know how grateful he was for her silent support.  He continued, his voice cracking once, his words running together as though the dam holding back his emotions had collapsed spectacularly. 

 

“I just…I didn’t want her to have to hear those things from me.  I know she’s dead, and she can’t wander the earth forever…but I always hoped that, maybe after Naraku was dead, she would find peace.  That maybe she would return to the afterlife of her own free will, on her own terms…without me having to tell her that I didn’t want to be with her.  She didn’t deserve…to hear that from me.” 

 

Kagome sighed softly, leaning against him.  Inuyasha reciprocated, so it became unclear who was supporting who.  _We’re supporting each other_ , she realized, _from this day forth_.  That thought gave her the confidence to say what she felt compelled to say. 

 

“No, she didn’t,” she admitted quietly, squeezing his hand.  “But I think she’ll understand.  Kikyou and I…we’ve had our differences in the past.” 

 

Inuyasha scoffed, clearly indicating what he thought of that sentiment.  Kagome grinned wryly. 

 

“Okay, so maybe that’s an understatement.  But it doesn’t matter.  Kikyou’s changed.  She’s not the same as she once was.  Even I can see that, so I’m sure you can see it too.”  She waited for him to nod before continuing.  “She didn’t seem heartbroken when you…said what you said.  It was more like she was resigned, like she had realized all of it herself, but hadn’t admitted it out loud yet.  Then she looked at me…and I think she was asking me to take care of you. 

 

“So, I think Kikyou knows that the two of you don’t have a future together.  I think she wants you to live, and be happy.  And I know that…she still loves you, in her own way.  And because of that, I’m not afraid that she’ll try to take you away from me again.  Before, I could never see why you fell in love with her fifty years ago, but now…I think I’m beginning to understand.” 

 

Inuyasha digested her words in silence for a long time, staring solemnly at the grass next to his feet. 

 

“She was like that back then,” he finally stated, his voice hollow, distant.  “Not exactly the same, but close.  You’re right.  Kikyou is becoming more and more like the woman I knew while she was alive.  I…I’m glad.” 

 

He glanced over at her, as though fearing her reaction, but Kagome smiled and shook her head.  He had loved Kikyou, as much as he was capable at the time.  She was sure part of him still loved her.  Those feelings would never truly vanish, but that didn’t bother her.  If it had, she wouldn’t have allowed herself to join with him last night.  It was only natural to remember past love, and to harbor it always deep inside one’s heart.  That did not render the blossoming of new love any less beautiful, not when despite his sadness, Inuyasha had left her with absolutely no doubt as to whom his heart truly belonged. 

 

She kissed him then, an innocent affair which the hanyou soon deepened, though not from lust.  He took more than he gave, drawing comfort from the softness of her lips, the suddenly shy flirting of her tongue against his own.  As his desperation waned, their movements become more languid.  Slowly Kagome slipped into a state of wondrous lethargy, her body basking in the most glorious warmth.  There was no need to think about anything, or do anything.  All she wanted to do was lie here in his arms, and _feel_.  It was perfect. 

 

Eventually he pulled away, and she found that gazing into his golden eyes, shining in the morning light, proved just as profound.  They remained that way for some time, cuddled together against the well, sharing sweet kisses which affirmed everything they had discovered the night before. 

 

They might have remained that way all morning, if not for the twin calls of nature which finally forced them to part.  When they emerged from behind their respective trees, they felt completely refreshed.  Whatever awkwardness existed between them had temporarily given way to a casual sense of ease, which was a most welcome development. 

 

“All right, wench, I’m heading back.” 

 

“Okay, be safe.”

 

“Kirara, you wanna fly back or ride with me?”  The fire-cat leapt up onto his shoulder, providing her answer, and Kagome didn’t blame her one bit for accepting a free ride after carrying her all the way back here last night. 

 

“Let the others know I’m okay,” she told him.  “And make sure Shippou-chan is…um…”  Inuyasha grimaced at the reminder, his ears drooping with guilt. 

 

“I’m going to have to apologize to those guys, huh?” he wondered miserably. 

 

“It’s okay.  They’ll forgive you, even Shippou-chan.”  When Inuyasha didn’t look convinced, she decided to lighten the mood. 

 

“You know, while you’re at it, you should probably apologize to Kouga-kun as well.”  That had the expected response, namely an outraged hanyou in full bluster. 

 

“What?!  Oh, _hell_ no!  No way I’m apologizing to that asshole.” 

 

“Well, you did try to kill him…” 

 

“Hell no.  _Fuck_ no.  And he started it, anyway.” 

 

“ _Really?_ ” she posed, her skepticism obvious. 

 

“Well…he goaded me into starting it.” 

 

“Wha—that doesn’t even make sense!” 

 

“Keh.  Whatever, wench.  I’m still not apologizing.” 

 

Kagome sighed dramatically.  “You’re hopeless,” she told him, only partially in jest. 

 

“And another thing: stop calling him ‘Kouga- _kun_ ,’” he demanded, adopting a ridiculously high-pitched voice which was apparently supposed to be hers. 

 

“Oh, and what would you have me call him then?” 

 

He smirked.  “Fleabag.  Jackass.  Fuckwad.  Any of those would do.” 

 

“Baka.” 

 

“That works too.”

 

“No, _you’re_ a baka.  Baka.” 

 

“Keh, the best kind, wench.” 

 

They glowered at each other for a moment, then grinned simultaneously and began chuckling.  It felt good to engage in casual banter.  They were lovers now, but they were also still friends.  Obviously the prospect of having to apologize was still on Inuyasha’s mind, however, for his smile soon faded and he glanced away, blushing mildly.  Kagome wondered with no small amount of curiosity what thought had caused that reaction. 

 

“Uh…do you have any of that ‘pocky’ stuff in your bag?” 

 

Kagome tilted her head to the side and gazed at him intensely, her expression likely conveying how proud she was of him in that moment.  He flushed deeper, crossing his arms over his chest in flustered fashion. 

 

“It’s just so the next few days aren’t such a pain in the ass,” he added without prompting.  “He won’t whine at me as much if he’s stuffing his face.” 

 

“Okay, Inuyasha.  I think I have some,” she declared, turning away to hide her knowing smile.  If she thought that this was a lame attempt to buy Shippou’s forgiveness, then she would be sorely tempted to shove that box of pocky down Inuyasha’s throat.  But that wasn’t it at all.  He felt genuinely guilty for hitting Shippou, and wanted to do something nice for him, _in addition_ to making amends.  Fortunately for him, the fox kit was a forgiving person; as long as he saw that Inuyasha’s remorse was genuine, the two of them would be just fine.  _Though I’m sure the pocky will help too…_  

  
“Here you go!” 

 

“Thanks,” he muttered, snatching the box from her hands and stuffing it inside his robes, as though concealing the evidence of his kind gesture from any birds and insects which might be observing them.  Kagome chuckled under her breath at his antics.  _He’s such a baka…but he’s_ my _baka._   A wave of giddiness washed through her at that thought, but she managed to prevent herself from hopping up and down. 

 

“I’m heading out, Kagome,” Inuyasha told her, the reluctance in his tone readily apparent despite his attempts to hide it.  “I’ll see you after your test.” 

 

“After my…test?” 

 

“Yeah,” he answered, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.  Kagome sighed mentally.  _Does he really believe that I don’t want to see him until my test is over?_   Sure, a couple days to focus on her studies without distraction incarnated in hanyou form would be nice, but her test was almost a week away!  Didn’t he know how much she would miss him?  He probably did, she realized.  Her other friends tried to tell her that Inuyasha always got surly and depressed when she was gone, and now she fully understood the reason why.  So…why should they force themselves to remain apart if they were only a quick trip through the time portal away from each other?  The answer was obvious.  Now, how to convey that to Inuyasha…

 

“You know,” she cooed, trying for mildly seductive, and succeeding if the way Inuyasha’s eyes widened was any indication.  “You don’t _have_ to wait until my test is over to come see m—to come through the well.” 

 

Her hasty, nervous amendment notwithstanding, Kagome was quite pleased with herself.  Inuyasha’s gaze followed her every move, as she sauntered toward him with a tiny bit of extra sway in her hips.  But she ended up moving a step or two closer than she intended, and soon found herself gazing up at him, equally transfixed by the kindling fire in his gaze.  He glanced down to her lips and back up again, his tongue darting out to moisten his own lips.  Seeing this, Kagome decided to throw caution to the wind, and make their parting one to remember. 

 

There was a hunger in this kiss, a shared yearning which had not yet flared to life between them this morning.  It was there now, teasing and tantalizing, drawing them closer, their hands clutching each other tightly.  Kagome deepened the kiss this time, a heady shudder rippling through her as their tongues tangled, shyly at first, then more boldly.  A delightful haze settled over her mind, her awareness of the world around her fading away.  Soon, it became almost impossible to remember anything except the caress of his lips, and the feeling of his strong arms cosseting her. 

 

Ultimately, it was only persistent concern for her friends which drove her to pull away, stumbling clumsily from his embrace.  He really did need to go make sure they were okay…no matter how pleasant it would be to continue where they had left off.  It seemed far warmer in this clearing than she remembered, and she could tell the feeling was mutual.  Inuyasha stared at her, his expression dazed, a mix of bliss and disappointment.  She knew the feeling.  As much as she hated to do it, she needed to send him on his way.  Before they started something they would have to finish. 

 

“S-so, um…” she stuttered, her embarrassment over her unsteady breathing mollified by the fact that he was equally discomfited.  “I’ll see you in a few days, right?” 

 

He nodded hastily, like a kid agreeing to a condition in order to obtain his favorite treat.  Kagome grinned, but his enthusiasm caused an amusing yet serious thought to occur to her. 

 

“And don’t push the others too hard to get back here sooner,” she told him, only partially succeeding in her attempt to affect a stern tone.  “Miroku-sama and Sango-chan are only human.” 

 

“K-k-keh!” he blustered, spinning around and tossing his hands into the air, at least part of his overly dramatic display for her benefit.  Then he stalked off, muttering under his breath, but easily loud enough for her to hear. 

 

“Damn wench…kisses me like that and then tells me not to hurry back.  What the hell?” 

 

“Bye, Inuyasha!” she called in between giggles. 

 

“Later, Kagome.” 

 

Then with a final half-hearted wave, he set off at a run and disappeared through the trees, leaving her alone.  For a moment, Kagome just stood there, staring at the spot where he had vanished from view.  Then her joy came bubbling forth in an uncontrollable rush, and she let it all out, indulging in a well-deserved private celebration.  It only lasted a minute or two, but the laughter and exultation did her a world of good.  She couldn’t recall ever having been so happy. 

 

Soon her pragmatic mind came back online, however, and she wondered what to do now.  She considered going to visit Kaede, but quickly decided against it.  Inuyasha would be furious if he found out that she went traipsing through the woods by herself when he wasn’t around.  He had probably only left her here by herself because she was standing literally less than five paces from the well.  Normally going up against his irrational concern—inevitably covered by a mask of indifference or worse—wouldn’t bother her so much.  But why not avoid the fight if possible?  She could visit Kaede, along with the rest of her friends, once Inuyasha returned.  And perhaps, just perhaps, he wouldn’t don his masks so often with her anymore. 

 

That was a nice idea, but she was getting ahead of herself.  This was her first serious relationship, and it had already progressed beyond anything Inuyasha had experienced with Kikyou.  They were going to have to learn how to be a real couple, together.  Maybe they would take it slow for a while.  Well, _slower_ …it was a little late to take it slow.  But even if they decided not to be intimate again for the time being, until the other aspects of their lives became less hectic, that didn’t mean that all physical expressions of their feelings were off the table.  She had better get in a good two or three days of studying, because when Inuyasha returned, he was going probably to be quite a distraction…and she wasn’t going to mind one bit.  He was a hanyou now, so perhaps he wouldn’t be able to express his emotions as clearly as he had last night, but their interaction this morning told her that she didn’t have too much to worry about in that regard. 

 

While they were alone, that is.  How they behaved around other people was something else they needed to figure out.  Would he want to hide their relationship from their friends?  She didn’t think so.  There was a difference between hiding something and not advertising it, the latter of which was actually pretty normal, especially in this day and age.  Besides, perhaps the cat was already out of the bag, even if Inuyasha didn’t know it yet.  The Kami help him if he blushed even once during his inevitable interrogation, lest he accidentally set off Miroku’s sex-dar.  The lecher would be on him like a bloodhound. 

 

But she wasn’t going to worry about that either.  Or anything else, really.  She finally had her Inuyasha back, after a grueling experience that in the end, had enabled them to discover how much they truly meant to each other.  So what was there to worry about?  They loved each other, and that was all that truly mattered. 

 

Everything else would fall into place. 

 

 

The End


End file.
